30th November 2010 and tomorrow is going to be December
last month of 2010.. i have like 2 more days of off and today is
not included. Which makes 3 days of leave.. Its good to have
rest but whats the use if i dont have much interseting life that i
can say of. Ok like i have much to nag about. The price for
an hour of useage is 5drm and its not cheap. I have to make best
use of the money. I finally realise why i was so different from
others cause my right ear is not functioning and thats why i was
acting different from my early age.. And this has become a habit
 and its tough to change it since i am 32 now and the 32 years i
have acted this way and i dont think it will be easy to suddenly
change to a new person. I dont know why it took so long to
notice myself. Am i stupid or maybe i was concentrating on my
gambling and i was trying to be normal but instead everything
was going very bad. Because of this ifound my problem. Huh....
Well what i felt was i needed someone to understand me and
care for me. But i acted strangely along the way and my thought
for her.. like i was going to emberess her and i am always out of
topic.. I could not even greet her for her birthday.. least i could
have done even if she dont like me.. Some how i think i did stood
a chance.. and i have wasted it and i guess i have to accept the
reality and try to change my life. If i ever have to chance to know
her i will really appreciate her cause how long am i going to stay
this way.. this miserable life of mine.. I just wanted a normal life
but cause of my deafness normal is becoming disastirous.
Why was i so slow to recognise this madness. Thats why may be
she was my answer and.. Aahh.. i really hate myself..
2 more days to spend and
back to work... i just went to gym after like 3 or 4 week of
absence. I have to start doing gym to fill my gap and to be fresh
of my self.
There is like 40minute  left of my hour. and i have to write more
cause i have been MIA for so long and .... I guess i have to take
a lot of  my time to chabge for the better.. I have finished my reading
of the novel 'The Wrecker'. Finished it like in 15 days.. one of my
good record.. Am not proud of it cause if i had done this back when
i was younger,, i would have changed my destiny. ANy way no regrats
but i have to do something about it.. Any now surfing you tube.. any way
i hope my self the best ...good luck..

Ok.. cool.. well todays 3 days off.. cool huh..

Well tomorrow's her B'day and i am still in silence of it. Dont hve the
guts and the confidence of facing the,, For sure i am gonna drink
tonight to fill my sorrow and my loneliness cause thats who i am and
how the hell am i ever gonna change my... Any way i have dont much
yo say cause i am not in a situation where i can say what i like cause...
Least i am happy that i am still writing.. Drinking tonight and hope to
have a good time alone,...

25th November 2010 and what can i say...
I finally am able to write something after like may be
3 month of absence... I kind of forgot to write and least i can say is that
i finally found out the dilemma thats been revolving around me and
what can i say that am i a fool or what?
Why did not i think of it before.. may be i never felt that way and i was
focusing on something that was far from reachable...
I dont know what the outcome is going to be like thats coming my
way???

Any way life still moves on and i will write more the next time..
P.S- I have to strive harder and change new direction...