17th April 2011
0309 hrs

Cant sleep, got up and had my shower and now surfing.
Well life seems too impossible to adapt. But i will
keep trying and i need more inspiration and a positive
attitude. I hope i will move on and on. The music is
kind of nice and making me up.

Life is going on and few days back i downloaded my
voice journal and kind of made me smile and stupid.
Same things repeated every day and the silly things
i did. Was a memory and i have come this far and i
dont know if i have changed at all. I feel as if back
than was better than now cause i feel as if this time
is worse off than that time. Always in trouble than
now as if i have no life at all. Only thing is i now
know who i am and why was i unique. But i cant
change a thing about it. Too depressing and
frustration. Lets see how far can i go on.

Ok so when i was sleeping and i was trying to think
of a paradise of greenary. Trees, grasses, animal and
all other nature. I was trying to put my self at that
location and live the moment. But the mind so
messed up that it wondered to other area. Tried
hard but no success and instead 4 Roya stag appeared.
Later i thought what could it be releating. And i assume
since i am not fincally able and cant return back or move
on to other area the only way for me to calm was the
4 Royal Stag. Am accepting it and lets see what happens
cause now its 324hrs and if i can make it in the morning
i will go and get it. My only friend for my life cause
only it understand it. Although it ruins my health it
really makes me happy. I dont care what tomorrow may
come i live for the moment. Cause for tomorrow to
come you have to live for the moment.


I guess i ought to log off for now... i will leave for the
other days to write and while i will surf for relexation.