319am 7th of November

I have over came my fear of my life. Lonelyness is
what i will face. But i realise i must try my very
best to have less imagination or it will kill me.
So far tell you the truth i am really hurt but its
good that she has someone who makes her happy.
Is it not what i had wanted for her. It is and i will
cry as well as smile. Its the sacrifice a man has to
give in moment like this. In this i found out who
i am and one of the important thing for me is to
reveal myself or fight for myself. Since i have no
one than i have to be strong. I dont know how my
life will move from here. BUt lets see in the
coming days thats will come and if not i will
decide. I just dont want to be crazy or die for
nothing. I have survive one of the crazyest things
that have happened to me so far from my moving
life and i cant stop here. But something tells me
i might quit this job and go back. Lets see how?
Well this is it for now. My life moves on but
in a different way hopefully.

0841am

31st October 2011, last day of the month and 2 more month
before 2012. How time moves and how far i have come.
Listening to Warrent "Haven". It an old song from the 90's.
Brings back memories of the days that i used to...
Kind of not sure what i did but for sure this was the song
that i listened and one of the first english song that i listend
to. I mean i was very young than maybe less than 10 years or
maybe a bit older. Well its sure is wonderful to listen to it
and what better way to cherish it than to be listening to it.
And by the way my local leave started from 27th Oct and it
will end on the 7th Nov. I am enjoying the vacation and its
been going smoothly. 28th celebrated 'Tihar' and it was a
joyus occassion. Kopila and Sarita put 'Tika' and it the bond
between us thats keeps me going on. And not forgetting
dolly in Nepal. We chatted on skype and its wonderful to
be united even if we are far apart. Well got to shut down
the notebook for now... and i will be back again...

The time 2338 and date 2nd of October..
My 1st day of annual leave by which actually extra off and off than
will the AL starts. Any way it does not matter cause i am already
starting my off. Well what can i say... it did went pretty well as
the day went smoothly. Now still surfing the net since the whole
day. Least i did went jogging which has made me a bit more
healthier compared to if i had not went jogging. Kudos to me..
I mean sometimes its good to self compliment. Any way i dont
know when i will be able to sleep cause i did slept in the afternoon
and i am still feeling very much fresh. Hope i will write a history
for today cause its been very very long since i have blogged.

Ok now chewing gum at this hour, my mouth was itchy so just
chewing for the sake of it.

Just smoked a cigarette and here i am. How time tick away and
it already 2359. going to surf cause i am kind of blank for now.

Well as for me this is enough for today..

08/09/2011 2131hrs

First of all before i start,,,, i just like the number 13...
How much must i complain in my life... is it the fate of the
chosen ones... i just want to live a normal life,, is it too
much for asking??? finally the time for 'out of sight, out
of mind' is coming... Can i be stronger after this?? i doubt...
I know where ever i go i will find the same fucking problems..
So whats the answer for me... i dont know and i dont even
want to know.. i want to think no more... i just want to get high
and sleep...

Just cant imagine i came to this time... 34 just round the corner
and i just cant stop time and my heart beat just goes on..
do i feel happy about it... i dont really know the answer...
i just try to live..

how long must i think....

an early morning time 0639 060911 and i am as fresh as the bird.
Having black coffee and surfing the net with singapore fm station
Thinking of cleaning the room and staying fresh. The radio's playing
some good music and its making my early day looking good. Like
i say its the mood thats matter and lets see how the day will end.
So much has happened till now and how much i have thought of
my life has come so far and i dont know if it will actually have an
affect and will it really change. But most of the time its just a
repetance of my damaged thought. Its just repetance and i know
it but its just repeate and i just cant help it. Its just out of control
will be a perfect defination. Just let the thought do its part cause
its job is its own. Than later on i will try to compromise and do
my part to change and balance my self.

9 month is left for my vacation and i hope i will hang on till than.
I have to do it and i believe its the way of moving forward.
How time has moved to fast and how i wish to do so much
but...

I dont have much to say cause my minds like empty and
i guess thats it for this..

07/08/2011
1355pm..

I cant seem to live without blogspot. Its been

Time 0052 17th July 2011....

How time moved so fast and where am i?
Finally i realise who i am and i can do nothing
about it. How can i change whats wrtitten for me?
Hate it but i have to live it. Do i have a choice?
Really really hate it...
Tried to sleep but just could not enter the dreamland
and here i am in cyber land surfing. Best part i made
myself a coffee that i had bought in the evening.
Am not planning to sleep cause the saying goes
sleeping is a waste of time. So i will drink coffee
all night long and surf.

Here i am, and how i forgot to... you know what
 i mean. 18th June 2011 time 0320.. cooking...
Came from gym and making my food before bed.
Life is going smooth and learning and researching
who i am. Good that i am improving.. i think..
Least i have not forgot this site..
Looking forward for my sis, she will be coming
on the 23rd and i am pretty excited.. Any ways i
dont have much to say and i will end it here..

210am 15th May 2011

After countless days of drinking, here i am very fresh
from the gym. Did a thread mill jog and a bit of
workout. I was not expecting this day to come but
it did. So much has happen and too many thought
in the mind. Its too difficult to control the mind and
it gets out of hand most of the time. Cant control it
and cant hear clearly. This is why i have difficulty
releating to conversations. How same things am i
going to write and its the same with my thoughts.
Its spinning the same thing round and round with
a bit of changes here and there.

As a kid when i was like maybe 10 (dont know
exactly what age or the period) together with my
sister we used the sofa to built house and played
around. The sofa had 10 set, big one had 6 set of
sofa and the other 2 had 2 set each. How fond
memories to remember now cause thats how our
childhood had been spent and thats not all. There
are others memory too. Its just too difficult to
explain in sentances and words. Hope i can write
it more better the next time.

Its 222am and i think i need to get another
water melon. This was bought by my room mate
Arvin and its almost drying up cause its been in
the fridge for almost 5 days (maybe). Any way
i know it will end up in the garbage so i tried it
and its fresh as it just been cut from whole. Only
the outer area looks dry and stale. So excuse me
for a while i need to get a slice cause i had cut it
just before i started typing. Am back and its very
juicy and i just happen to see an orange that i had
bought back 3 days ago, my hotel meal. Guess its
going to be vitamin C for my supper...

Listening to 95m from Singapore and it classic
hits for the night.

Thats all for today, surfing wikipedia.com

08-05-11

Life going smoothly and am hearing
'i was born this way' sounds true...
Ok nothing much just that audit is starting
tomorrow and lets see how it goes.
Good night for now.

0133 and 4th of April.

I always had this weird feeling of number 13 back in
Malaysia. It had always been a bad number from people
thinking. And my employment number was 00113 in
VS industry. I always had difficulty with it cause the
number always appeared. Like my time the street and
other areas. I used to think i was jinxed than and now
sometimes i come across it and i have the same feeling
with this number. Guess my thought has not changed.

Later my best friend Roya Stag is coming may be 4..
Lets see... Need to some to my A/C too. Never too late
than never cause it will be handy when the time comes.
Listening to Blink 182 and enjoying the music.

Will be trying to have an early night.. Well i guess this
is growing up.... By 182..

Good night  :-)

P.S- Life goes on....

time is 0326 and its 29th April 2011..

April is ending and May round the corner and wow..
How things moves and i am very fresh cause i came
back from gym and i am very focused and its a good
thing. Wish it was like this every day but it aint
a fairy tale. Have to cherish and hope for it and hope
it happens more often. Just made myself a noodle
cause need to feed my tummy cause without it
my brain will not work and my life might stop.
Its a chain cycle and its good. Just had it and it
tastes sooo fantastic.

Any way salery came and its 2562. Maybe the last 2
digit is not so precise cause i cant access my account
cause its blocked cause i wanted to try to add a icon
for phone credit access. But i couldnt remember my
security question and it jammed my account. Tried
to call the bank but half way it ended cause my credit
ran out. Well i can only access it tomorrow when i
top up credit and call again. But for the first 2 number is
absolutely correct.

My noodle is almost finished and i can feel that its
not enough for my tummy and i might cook one more.
Ya i will cook now.

I am back and my noodle is ready.. Just need to mix the
noodle and the ingrident.
The noodle that i am having is Indo Mei-Fried noodle
Mee Georang.
The good thing about is that 'Its fast to cook and good
to eat'. A famous 'Maggie Mee' Quato.
Any way enjoying it.

I was supposed to be studying about my A/C theory..
But here i am..

Well this is for today and i will be logging off from
this.

the time 1343 and date 26-04-11

Life is going on and i had nightmare yesterday and
i am a bit scared of the dream i had.
And i  am trying to live a better place.
Bye for now.

24th April 20111...

Well i am a new man and i live a strong person.
New mission and a better life.
too much things to achieve.
So i move.

Well i left for the beach after work. And i threw it  away
the feeling for her cause i know it wont work. I will
only hurt you more when you are with me. I realise i cant
love you cause i am almost damaged. I realise it so
late that i am miserable and i cant do anything about.
Wish i could leave this place. May be i can using other
alternative. Later need Royal Stag. And it will be.
Nothing more to write except... 

1334hrs

I have like 20 more minutes to leave for work. Kind
of feeling bored and lazy. Not much improvement
at work. I try hard but lazyness and habitual is lacking
my way. ok i dont feel like writing anymore.

1336 and getting ready to leave for work.

New day to start with and looking forward to better.
Well i know it will come back to the same thing.
Least i am playing my part.. ha ha

Very fresh and it a sunny afternoon to begain the
day with. Thinking of nothing much and thats it
for the day,

17th April 2011
0309 hrs

Cant sleep, got up and had my shower and now surfing.
Well life seems too impossible to adapt. But i will
keep trying and i need more inspiration and a positive
attitude. I hope i will move on and on. The music is
kind of nice and making me up.

Life is going on and few days back i downloaded my
voice journal and kind of made me smile and stupid.
Same things repeated every day and the silly things
i did. Was a memory and i have come this far and i
dont know if i have changed at all. I feel as if back
than was better than now cause i feel as if this time
is worse off than that time. Always in trouble than
now as if i have no life at all. Only thing is i now
know who i am and why was i unique. But i cant
change a thing about it. Too depressing and
frustration. Lets see how far can i go on.

Ok so when i was sleeping and i was trying to think
of a paradise of greenary. Trees, grasses, animal and
all other nature. I was trying to put my self at that
location and live the moment. But the mind so
messed up that it wondered to other area. Tried
hard but no success and instead 4 Roya stag appeared.
Later i thought what could it be releating. And i assume
since i am not fincally able and cant return back or move
on to other area the only way for me to calm was the
4 Royal Stag. Am accepting it and lets see what happens
cause now its 324hrs and if i can make it in the morning
i will go and get it. My only friend for my life cause
only it understand it. Although it ruins my health it
really makes me happy. I dont care what tomorrow may
come i live for the moment. Cause for tomorrow to
come you have to live for the moment.


I guess i ought to log off for now... i will leave for the
other days to write and while i will surf for relexation.

Now 905am and i am all set to go to the city to get my
energy drink. Its a necessaty for a man like me. Have
not slept from yesterday and its going to be like 24hrs
if i come back on time. And hopefully i am going to
sleep than. I am happy and life goes on and i feel very
positive and looking towards for the days of my chapter
of my role play in an everyday life. Smells fresh and
ohhhhhh.. Its going to be a toxicating for the next 2 days..
ha ha.. singing too... and not forgetting cooking..
got to go..

12th was gone and 13th

Today was Benidicto Junior and Thia farewell and
i am sure very happy for them espically B.J. I am
proud and wish i had said something but i was not.
Well i guess i am dumb and useless. Ok no regrats,
least i was there cause no use regretting. i will cherish
the time we worked and it was one of my happiest
time that i had enjoyed my time. Best of wishes to you
and so long...