ok here i am and i can say i am loosing interest in what

i am doing. But do i have a choice? No is the answer and
i have to carry on what i am doing and what i studied for.
Have to stick to it for some time as there is no other way
out due to my wrong choices in my history of my 32 years.
And best of all my finance... Dont know what i am doing
sometimes cause half my age is gone and maybe half my
brain is dead too. This i think could be the answer cause
my experience is not working well on me in my life.
Especially the one who i was thinking of asking. Still in
my dream land and the feeling i felt for and the feeling i
wanted to show..Guess i wont be able to express it. Cause
i feel i dont have what it takes to be a gentleman to ask.
Any ways she has someone who was waiting for her and i
dont think its nice to be the devil and snatch her. But
what can i do i feel helpless cause its the eye that had
sight on her and i think i will not be able to vanish her
thought from my memory. Cause you know the
brain is a weak part of our entire body as it is the one that
keep reminding us of that particular image or insident.
And than the weak part comes into action,, you know the...
HEart... SO sickening.. Really hate my self for loving you
especially when i cant even say it to you. So just does nt
makes any sense. Why me me me... Well feel like
running away but why this situation. I have to work and
do some responsibility from my side.
Any way i hope to erase it by end of this month cause my
shift changed and hopefully i can cope my job as well.
Many things to do in my remaining life and of course i
have to cherish this wonderful life that i have and of course
my sis and dad and mom. LIfe goes on and i will be off
tomorrow and likely i will be gong to the city to have some
sightseeing and to look around Abu Dhabi City. Although
the place is like a furnace its good to be in new environment.
I need to erase the thought and by the way i am listening my
HEE DAE KO BATO one of my original classic whaich i
composed in Malaysia. Its sure is good thing that i got a
guitar from my sis but there is no improvement in my
composing of songs.Cause i have only composed one
song in all this one month. Its a disgrace and i really hate
my self any way the title of my song is AUUTAA KHAATHA
CHA. By the way its not fully composed and the tune is
still need to fine tune it. See how snail i am. I just hope i
can forget and i must. Any way tomorrow will be going to
city and need to buy hard drinks cause need to sober myself.
Cause i am a man. By the way i just for some how thought
of the future. I know i will get married someday and i really
dont know who my lovely wife would be?? And if you just
happen to read this.. Dont be angry or over reactive cause
this is my life and i am just writing down my feeling and my
problems of my life cause i have no one to share with. So
just writing it down was the best way for me. Any way i
am kind of tired and the time here in UAE is 1:40am and
i need to be heading to hostel cause tomorrow morning need
to go gym need to trim my body cause i dont like to look fat
and i love to sweat and do tough training. Well thats all for now
cause its late. BY the way i wanted write on my blog but
could not open it as the site is difficult to open and the admin
might have blocked the site. Any way will be pasting it in my
blog when i visit my sis or the hotel computer. Lets see how
whichever comes first. Today is 6 July a very early morning.
Going off soon,,,,