US ARMY HARKA READY FOR A MISSION IN SAHARA DESORT
AND ME READY TO LEAD THE BATELLION..

DHAK AT HIS OFFICE. VERY STRESSFUL JOB AS YOU CAN SEE....

DHAK ME DHURBA

As life goes by, I can say that I am living and not regretting for any of my action. Except I wish I could settle the mess I am in as soon as possible and carry on with my life. This is what is expected in our life. Life is to face problem, or to create problem and to settle it within your capability. And than to face new problem and to settle it! I know I am, strong and I will succeed in whatever matters and problems I have created and to solve it. This is part of my phase of life. I guess the others life is a boring one, that’s why I believe I was created this way. I will fight till the end, till I cannot fight no more. So there is no time for regrets and regret is only a waste of time. So I have to make the best use of my time and to find a solution and solving it. All the best to me in what ever I am going to do.

29 October 2007
2240
In Vs Project Team Office, Listening to Pearl Jam "Last Kiss" song.
I know this is not the type of song i should listen to, but i am very lonely and i have no one to speak my mind. Wish i had a girlfriend who would listen to my problem cause she would be there for me, in every aspect of my life. But i dont have, so here lonely sad and no one to listen to my problem. But i know i have to be strong, one day everthing will be fine and i will find my true love. Till this song will comfort me now and make me strong.

We are the champ even if we lost(1st july 2007)

Well on 1st July, we lost in the quarter final, but we afelt like a champion. We were the best as we were the under dog for the competition. We held our head high and played to the last minute.

Like they say some time you win, some time you loose. So like a true champion, we accepted the result. But we will win all the next time...

We won, We are in Quarter(24th June 2007)

I guess 24th June 2007 will be one of my most memorable days of my life. It was almost 12 at noon, when we had our first match against our opponent Kakibunkai. We were losing 1 to nothing. After the first half I substituted Dhak in and the game turned to our advantage. In the early stage of the second half, he gave me a perfect pass and I volleyed passed the keeper. After that, we scored once more to win the game 2-1 eventually.
Our second game was against Alfonso. They were the security guard from VS Company. This game, we won by 1 to nothing.
Now we are 2 days to quarter final. Unfortunately most of my best player have work on that day. I requested for their release, but was denied. I wont blame any one. We will still play the quarter with or with out this player. I am hoping for a positive result. Till than I will write the rest of the coming events. I know that we will do well..

ME AND MY COLLEAGUE
HARKA
BEAUTIFUL SKY
MASTERPIECE

HARKA, KUL, KARAN, KEDAR AND MOHAN

MY COLLEAGUE AND ME IN THE STORE AREA

090207
0801 AM


THE LANGAUAGE OF FRIENDSHIP IS NOT WORDS BUT MEANING.
THE BETTER PART OF ONE’S LIFE CONSISTS OF HIS FRIENDSHIP.
WHAT WE ARE AND WHO WE ARE, HAS TO BE DEFINEDED.
WHAT WE DON’T KNOW IS HOW SPECIAL WE ARE TO SOMEBODY.
WE MAKE MISTAKE, BUT IF WE AMEND IT, IT IS CORRECTION.
IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TAKE, SOMETIMES IT IS THE OPPOSITE.
WHAT MAKES A PERSON GOOD IS HOW SHE/HE CAN APPRECIATE LIFE AND DEATH.
THINKING IS GOOD BUT OVERDOSE OF IT MAKES IT BAD.
WHAT WE NEED IS ADVICE, BUT ALL ARE NOT ALIKE.
SOME TIMES, LETS LIFE COMES BY AND LET IT GO BY.
TO UNDERSTAND ONE SELF, UNDERSTANDS ETERNALLY.
LIFE CAN BE DEFINED UNIVERSALLY, BUT IT CAN BE DEFINED SIMPALLY TOO.
WHAT MAKES LIFE MORE INTERSTRING IS IF WE ARE ABLE TO RESEARCH MORE INTO IT.
SEEING IS BELIVING, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S DIFFERENT.
SO I WILL KEEP WRITING TILL I DIE TO MAKE MY LIFE MORE DEFINED AND UNDERSTOOD AND BE HEARD AND LEARNED

……………………………………………AND…….……………………………………...........................
.........................................XXXXXXXXXX.....................................................................

A Miracle
090207 0727AM

I am lost, and I don’t know what I have lost. It’s like I am not the same old me and as if I am lost in some kind of vacuum of space. Just like a place of unknown, lifeless place where nothing can be done to be retrieved.

Maybe I will have to wait for a miracle or something else to restart my fire back again. I can only hope and hope and pray I will be given back my old self again. A ‘miracle’. But than again as time pass by and at the same time as my life goes by, I know I can never be the same again.

So to let my sorrow pass by and my heart to cool down, I can only write this to console myself. To keep me away from this harsh reality of sickness.

Dec 26, 2005 5:23 PM
Just writing...


Well I have been feeling a lot better for the summer if the winter had’t came..
It been very chilly for the past few weeks and it looks like it is going to be worse..
I have to prepare for the winter and do a lot of stuff needs to be prepared,,,
I don’t know how long I am going to survive but I have to keep on going as the race goes tougher. I cant just give up yet.. All though I am slacking at the moment.. I will not give up. I have to understand what I am thoroughly capable of.. One thing for sure I am in a race which will never end until my last breath… So I have to keep on going and keep on improving the race, by learning understanding and not to give up where I have achieved so far… Well there are times when obstacles arises and I have to tackle it no matter how difficult the situation will be.. There are sometimes that you have to do any thing to go past that obstacles.. I had been feeling low for the past years of my life, I guess this is the time for me to look ahead and say that there are opportunities for me and I can do something in my life rather than feeling dull and desperate and hoping for a better day, instead I must do whatever I can to make it a better day…Hope to achieve something. Good night

Well lately I have been smoking a lot lately and I think my lungs are as black as charcoal. I just cant quit it, I guess my habit are getting worse as the days goes by.. Like they say once you start, you cant stop it.. But again I believe I will quit one day, Although I don’t know when exactly but I will.. I have the faith

Met Harka and Baburam today at Gurrkha chok… It was a half an hour ride which cost me NSR 8. It was very packed and I had to stand almost through my journey till I got my chance when passenger alighted at Koteshor.. When I reached there non of them was there and I walked down the road to check if any one had arrived and looked for them. As I made back to where I alighted, there he was. Baburam his name had came. We had a brief hand shake and asked him where Harka was and learned that he hadn’t arrived and he was not a punctual person. So we decided to wait for him… finally he came and surprise his wife was with him. We did a brief hand shake and learned that he had came from his wife home and was taking her back to his home.. There again we had to wait for him. So I told Baburam that I wanted to use the internet and went to a near by CyberNet which I had earlier seen. As the place was packed and there was non available to use, we sat on a sofa since we were waiting for Harka and hoping at least one of the net will be available to be used.. We made some conservation and Baburam learned that I couldn’t hear from my right ear and told him I was deft right ear.. Finally one of the Net was available and I took it as Baburam followed me to the empty seat. I pressed on the button and used the Hotmail messenger and typed my user id and password. Once logged in Om was also on line and had a short chat.. As time passed by Baburam told me Harka should be arriving and we left the net and paid the counter NSR for the usage.. Then we went out to check Harka out he was no where to be found and we went in a coffee house and ordered two cup of tea.. In between we had chat… Harka arrived. We had many topics and one of the topics was that they were planning to open a business venture of FISH BALL. We discussed in a wide ranges from the ingredient to marketing to budgets. It is one of their idea to open up a market in Nepal.. In between we had ordered cups of tea and in one point I had ordered a Fanta orange.. Well the conservation lasted from 2pm till 0530pm.,, than finally we headed for home.
It is already morning and I still cant sleep.. did not sleep the whole night. 2 hours ago had followed my sister Kamala to the FM station for her first live show..Which is one of the criteria for her to be selected for a job in radio jockey..Well she did fine even it was her first live show. I think that she will be selected.





It’s almost three month and I am so desperate. I haven’t been doing anything and life seems wasted. I never thought that I will end up in this situation. I had called up Baburam and had asked him for the position for the petrol attendant. Hoping to get that job to start a career into the money business. D

####
24012007
20:24PM

I CANT STAY HERE FOR LONG. UNLESS MY HEART CHANGES. I HOPE IT CHANGES FOR BETTER. I AM A FUCKING SICK PERSON. AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I AM SICK AND I AM REALLY SICK. I HATE MYSELF AND I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LIVE. I CANT EVEN HOLD A SINGLE STICK. BUT MAYBE THERE IS A REASON TO IT. BUT WILL I BE ABLE TO TOLERATE THE SIGHT, WHICH I WILL BE SEEING FOR 3 YEARS. I WILL ONLY BECOME WEAK. I HAVE TO PLAN TO LEAVE THIS PLACE TO RELEAVE MYSELF FROM THIS MISERY. I KNOW I CAN BUT HOW CAN I WHEN IT IS SO CLOSE, YET WHO WOULDNT ACCEPTS ME BECAUSE OF MY STUIPED MISTAKE, CANT BLAME IT BECAUSE I AM TO BLAME. I CANT FORCE IT SINCE IT HAS ALREADY MADE UP ITS MIND, NOT LIKE MINE WHICH CANT EVEN DECIDE. I AM TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS FUCKING MESS. I AM THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PUNISHED NOT HER. I AM SCARED THAT I MIGHT GO CRAZY OVER THIS ISSUE. BUT I AM STRONG, I WILL TOLERATE. ITS HAPPYNESS IS MY HAPPYNESS IF ONLY IT WAS FAR APART. BUT IT IS SO CLOSE. I AM TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS HURT. IF ONLY I WAS MORE DECEISIVE AND POSITIVE ABOUT IT. I AM REALLY SORRY ####. I CAUSED THIS PAIN TO YOU AND ME. PLAESE FORGIVE ME, AND I WILL DO THE SAME IF I CAN. BUT IF I CAN’T, I WILL PLAN, A PLAN TO VANISH AWAY FROM YOU SO YOU WOULDN’T FEEL THE SAME SUFFERING AS ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO STAY TILL THAN, BUT I CAN, SO I HAVE TO THINK WHAT IS BEST FOR BOTH OF US. I AM SORRY AGAIN ****. WISH THIS THING DIDN’T HAVE HAPPENED. AND I AM RELLY SORRY FOR THE HURT WHICH I HAVE CAUSED TO YOU AND I AM REALLY HURT DEEP INSIDE, BUT I WILL BE STRONG, CAUSE I REALLY RESPECT YOUR DECISION. WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME AND CHANGED EVERYTHING, BUT I CANT AND I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT.

Tragedy (041207)

The smile on her face was all that I needed to see, before I could rest in peace. I knew I was going to die, as I have battled the un curable cancer in my stomach for almost a year. As I lay in bed, trying to keep my smile as the pain keeps getting worse. Shuchi was crying beside my bedside. I tried to console her as I couldn’t bear her to see her crying. I told there was no point to be sad, as it will affect my condition. She put on a brave smile, but deep inside she was painfully wounded. As I was having a casual chat with her, she rushed out of the room as she couldn’t control her emotion. I lay there thinking back of what and how we had met up.
It was in 2001, I was working in a manufacturing company as a technician. It was my first day, and I was totally new to the company. I was supposed to be given an orientation by the clerk, but some how she was very busy with her work. As I wondered all by myself in the company, not knowing any one! Some would give me a smile, while some would say Hi. I was observing the place, when I came across an operator. I politely said hi, she responded with a hello. I decided to ask her that I was new and I was checking out the place, as she looked easy to communicate with and approachable. She kindly offered to orientate me. As I didn’t know the place well enough, I accepted her kind offer. She toured me around the place and described the purpose of the company. Finally after an hour, we came back to her designation area. I thanked her and proceeded to the office. In there the Clark told me she will orientate me, but I told her I had been orientated already and all I needed to know was what I was supposed to do. Once I was assigned what to do, the rest was history for the rest of the working hour.
Work was normal, and I would often meet up with Shuchi. As time passed, we were very close. And I could feel the affection I felt towards her, but I always kept it within. I was scared of rejection and I thought the time was too early to tell. 3 month had already passed, and I could tell she felt the same way as I did. But both of us never confronted each other for the chemistry we felt for each other, I guess. We will share good times and often have casual chat at work. But as time passed, the love for her kept getting stronger. One fine day, I decided to try my luck. I proposed to her, but she rejected it. I think it was due to my jokes from the past and the pranks I had played on her occasionally. That why she rejected my proposal. I was totally disappointed and was in total shock. After a while, she came back with a serious face and proposed to me. I was very surprised to hear it from her. She told me she was not playing any pranks on me. My mind was very surprised and all I wanted to respond was a Yes. But my words couldn’t come out from this shock that I received. Finally I accepted her offer by shaking my head. This was how I got to know her. It was only 3 years back, when we had a big quarrel and we split up. After which, I hadn’t seen her for the next 3 years. Now was here to see me in my death bed after one of my friend had told her. I did wanted to see her for the last time, but at the same time I didn’t wanted to let her see me in this state. But none the less she came to see me. The door opens as she enters with tears on her eye. She had bought some snack too. She sits beside my bed and combs my hair with her hand. I feel relaxed. As I ask her how she had doing the past 3 years. While chatting, the pain inside me from the cancer was unbearable but I control myself. I cough and cough, till blood flows out from my mouth. She tries to pat my back to control my coughing. But it was no use. She was about to rush out to get a doctor, as I grabbed hold of her hand. She screams to the doctor and nurses outside, but no ones come inside. I told her to cool down, but she keeps struggling to get the attention of the hospital crew. I told her no one will come, as all the hospital staff had been informed not to come in. As she hears this, she sits beside my bed and hugs me. She asks me why? I than told her that this was my last stage, and I will be dying soon. As I talk to her, she keeps crying and denies that I will not die. Finally after about some time, I could feel I was going to die. So I requested her to smile, as I wanted to see happy. She put on a brave face and smiled while she was crying. I felt so happy, as I was able to see the one I loved before I die. I advised her not to loose hope in life and carry on living. She just nodded her head. Than I reached for her to plant a kiss, before I could kiss her…………………

My Daughter

(060107)

Well today was a fine day for me, except for the hassle at work. Hi my name is Suman and I am working as a manager in a private firm. Now at home, I need to look after my baby daughter who is 3 years old, and her name is Kartika. She is my precious gems, because she is my only child and my only love. Well you see, my wife passed away when Kartika was born. And it has been a juggle of work and baby sitting my daughter. I don’t find it hassle, but the time spent on her is less. So she has to spend the day at the Child Care Centre and in the evening, I fetch her. She always gives me a hug whenever I fetch her. She tells me she hates the child care center. But I always tell her I have no choice, as I have to work to support ourselves. I don’t know if she understand, but she gives me a nod. I believe she understands it. Sometimes she would ask me why she does not have a mum like every one of her friends. I will try to tell her that her mum has gone for a long holiday. And she will return some day. This brings tears to my eyes. She will ask me why I was crying, and I have to lie to her that I have an eye problem. I know she will one day find out, but till date, I have to keep it from her. On Sunday, I will always make it a point to go out with Kartika, as I will miss her most of the time during the week days. I will take her to amusement park and shopping centre. She loves stuffy toys and I make it a point to buy for her. There was a point when I thought of getting a second wife to look after Kartika and the house. I have dated a couple of ladies, but non of them seems interested in my private life. I was about to give up, when my mobilerang. It was my friend Harka. He told me that there was this girl who is the perfect for me and my daughter. This remark he gave me since day one of my dating. Now I was pretty bored with his tactic, so I just gag in the line. But before I hung up, he told me she will be in JB restaurant at 8 pm sharp. Her names Helda. As usual, I gag and hung up the line. The rest of the day was fine at work, except for the constant thought of my daughter. Finally it was 5pm and it was time for me to leave and fetch my daughter. So I headed to my daughter school and as usual, she was waiting for me in the gate with a long face. But once she saw me, her face changed and rushed toward my car. I alighted and gave her a hug and asked her how her day was. She told me it was boring and asked why I was late.
We were home by 7 and I was about to prepare the food, when my mobile rang. I looked at it and it was Harka. Pretty pissed with him, I rejected his call. But it rang again. This time, I answered it. In the speaker, all I could hear was “Suman don’t forget 8 pm, JB restaurant”.I tried to explain to him, I cant make it, but he hung up the phone. So here I was one hour to meet this new girl and I was not even ready for it. My mind fiddle and I didn’t know what to do. So I asked my daughter what I should do. She told I should go. Now my problem was I had always left my daughter with the neighbour but I thought why I don’t take her along and she will reject me directly. So I quickly changed and helped Kartika change into a new pair of cloth. Now it was 7:30pm and it will exactly take me 30minute to reach JB restaurant. I quickly grabbed Kartika and carried her in my chest and rushed out the door. I hate making people wait for me. I started the engine and droved like crazy. My daughter was pretty excited to meet this lady, she mentioned how she looks and stuff like. I told her that she was very ugly and she always scolded small children and beat them. With out any knowledge of knowing her, as from the experience I received from my other relationship. At first she was a bit scared but later she told me I was lying. So I just explained to her that I too did not how she is like. Finally we reached the destination. It was already 10 minute late, I quickly parked my car and carried my daughter in my arm and rushed to the restaurant. The door opened and the waiter called me. Mr. Suman, Miss Helda is waiting for you in table 7. Well I figured out her name was Helda since the waiter told me so. As I put my daughter on the ground, I hold herhand and led her to the table. As we arrived to the table, Helda back was facing us. Now we were beside the table and I adjusted my throat to grab her attention. As she turned, she looked very pretty and I was dumb folded for a moment, until my daughter pulled my trousers and patted me on my leg as she spoke “papa she is very beautiful”. I didn’t know what to say, as Helda introduced her self and complimented my daughter. She squeezed Kartika on the chick and instantly grabbed and hugged her. I was surprised as Kartika accepted the hugging from stranger, as she often rejected the grabbing from other people. They got along so well, I forget that we were in the restaurant until the waiter came along to take order. I asked Helda what she would like to have for dinner. She ordered a steak, the same as mine. She also ordered for Kartika a kid meal. We chatted along the meal, as Kartika would often disturb her during her meal. I kind of found Helda attitude pleasing and felt some affection for her. After dinner, we walked at the park and kept chatting. After which we exchanged number to keep in touch. We keep in touch and she would often come to my place to meet up with Kartika and me. Now my daughter was livelier compare to the last time since Helda came into our life. She would fetch her and take her out if I was busy.Finally one day I proposed to her and we got married on 07 January 1978. As they say the rest is history….