2257hrs
30/01/12

Just drinking a little to fall asleep. Not going to drink
too much like the other days. I know i rested too
much today and i cant sleep. Thats the reason why
i am drinking. I am not in the drunk stage. I am still
clear of what i am doing.

Just back than i checked my 2011 story and there is
no improvement till now. The same story and she's
still in my mind. Why?? i dont know the answer and
i cant change my mind. Guess i still want her. But i
dont say the right words at the right time. I know i
am going to insanity if i keep this for too long. How
can i change. And the only answer is.....

I know this is the life of a disabled person and misey
is the way to it. If only i can concentrate on other
things.

Tomorrow's afternoon shift and one more day to
Feburary.. Gonna be 34 and wiser i have to be.
I have enough of drinking and smoking. Its only
make your life better for some time and most of
the time back to square one.

I want to go for a puff.........
i am back and also top up my drink. Above i said
it and i am doing it. How ironic life can be for me..
Salary came yesterday and i had an increment of
75 which makes my basic 1575 and the service
charge was 790. Already 300 spent. 100 to
Ricardo for the drink and i bought one more for 30.
50 to Serlo for internet and 50 balance cause i did
not have enough in my wallet. The rest for my daily
necessity like toothpast, shampoo, food...............

And today i have highlighted my sentence. It was
there and now i am using it. 2317hrs and Rudhra is
sleeping peacefully and i batter not make too much
noise. Dont want to disturbe him as his work is tough.

Tomorrow might remit. Still thinking as the currency
have dropped and i dont know weather to send or not.
Lets see how..

well i guess i have to stop here,,,,,

2010hrs
28th January 2012


Just had my dinner which was maggie mee. 2 packet of
it and i added my last sukuti and some onion, garlic and
chilli. 3 chilli and now my stomach is burning like fire.
Should not have added that much and now i feel 
terrible. Work was ok. Cant believe the time went just
like that and 3 more days before Feburay starts. How 
the wonder of time moves so fast and one thing i 
realize insanity will be coming for me and i cant avoide
it. Think its part of my life story. Dont know why i know
and dont know why i am not trying to avoide it. Feel
like its written and i have to take it as a gift. 


So very bored and i gonna stop here.. 

2324hrs
27th January 2012

Cant sleep because i slept in the day and i was in bed
almost the whole day. Now i am trying to fight the
sleep thats already used. I am doing the wrong
cause its not the cycle of sleep. And i hope to fall
asleep cause tomorrow is a better day. And an early
bird catches the freshest worm....

Had to write half way as it did not published nor saved.
Half way was edited..

1937hrs
27th January 2012

waste, waste, waste is all i can say cause today's my
off and here i am thinking what have i done today.
Fucking wasted day and....
Well actually i did spring cleaning. The kitchen quite
shiny after some times. My fucking room mates aka
pig knows only how to fuck and shit. Well no point
to talk to such asss.. So i cleand and throw the 
garbage away. And for the record i have thrown the 
garbage almost 98% since this fucker moved in. 
And the other 2 fucker.. let me not talk about them.
One does not even know where to throw and the 
other THE Great ROMEO.. Too introvert.. Scared
someone will steal his girl, thats why always like a
magnet stick by his girl. Well i think i said too much
about them. As for me.. So fucking sick person..
thats what they might think of..MAybe.. i think..
Any way i also did the laundry.. For the record..
MAybe 4 times.. I mean the washing machine did 
that... And the rest of the day MOVIE.. What a waste
of the day.. Wait.. i did cook and it was wonderful.
I cooked Daal and Chicken and of course Rice.
That tasted soooo good. And it is for dinner too.
Yaamy.........

Ya i also opened up my luggage and looked through
my certificate...1948hrs

2009hrs
26th January 2012

Where and how to start my story. Its not easy to even start
the first sentance. The year 2010 around maybe September
I was into someone and.....
Well let me stop there cause i dont think it would be any
better in the structure of my story.

Today went to jog and gym and feeling fresh mentally and
physically. Had my dinner pack from the hotel
accommodation. Well for now want to read Naruto part
571. I have to wait every new week for a new eposide and
as the ending is coming i want to stop this comic thing.
Want to focus on other things. Chow for now..

1818 hrs
25th Jan 2012

Been drinking for the last 5 days and i just cant give up..
Bad choices in life and i cant change a thing. This year
is becoming worse as the days goes by. Well as i dont
have nuch in my head.

Ramila called last night and it was not a good situation
and let see how it will be.

Any way i am free form the feeling and i am glad i can
move on and be fresh. I look forward to life and i hope
i can make some good moves in my path. And i got the
song 'Om Mani Padme Hum' which i been looking for
since i first used internet. Its a Buddhist mantra and its
magical to listen. Its has just changed my mood and
i feel more relaxed. The simple things in life to cheish
with. Just came back from my cigaret and how nice to
live life and chrish the moment peacfully in my mind.
All i can say is i wish... to move on soon...

1833hrs
Well i just top up my glass and i re-start the song and
the intro is so magical. Makes me want to cry... Ha ha
Thats me and i have not cried... Actually its good to
shed some tears sometimes as its good to the heart and
it refresh me.

1846...
Well this is life.,..

1857hrs
22012012

Everyone has their story and i am no exceptional. My story
is, i guess.. is unique from the rest and its beautiful. No words
can describe it and action is the only proof. And you know
what, i am in that action. Ha ha.. And it me who is in that role
who is leading this A star life. Well let not self complimen too
much.

Am drinking and its makes my day even more wonderful. Its
the friend of mine who makes me happy,sad in moment of my 
time. This is the purpose of it. There is every reason for it to
be made and i wont eloberate.

Am listening to 'one headlight' and before this i found a
beautiful song by Danny titled 'Pani Hai Paryo'. Actually i
found last night while i was drinking. This song made my eye
watery. And i really love this song.

Am smoking and typing at the same time...1912hrs....

am going to buy cigaret.. my best friend afte medicine..

1931hrs
21st January 2011.

Before i start, i wanna smoke a cigaret...

Well i am back. One thing i cant give up this stupid
habit and its was a bad resolution for this year. And
i am kind of worried for the future. I know the safest
method is to stick where my place is but i just cant
forget the risk. But i dont have that option and as i
look at it i am not making any effort or what so ever.
There is lackness in everything that i do. My path
seems dimmer as the days goes by. How could i
see the changes that i wish for and how can i
implement it effictively. Maybe its just a bad thought
and wish i could just change my thought.

21 days gone and how unhappy i feel as the days goes
by without any thing in my way.

Yesterday Ramila came from Dubai with her friend and
its was reunion among the 4 of us. She is after me and
we were born in Nepal and Kopi and Munna were born
in Singapore. We had a good chat the whole day and
all the sweetest chat that i can remember. I cooked
chicken and Kopi made fishball vegetable for lunch.
We than had a home chat and family. Somethings cant
change and we had some light disagreement. In the end
we came to terms. Munna came at 5 and as for her she
made fried rice and there we were all 4 of us having
dinner together. Ramila left like before 8 as her journey
to Dubai is long and today she had work. Any ways
after that i left for my room and 2012 is a good year
and i have to think of whats good for me. I am still
in the thinking process and lets see  how it will turn out.

1950hrs and Rudhra is preparing dinner and i am
waiting for Ricardo call as i have asked for medicine.
Was suppose to call me in 1930 but till now. Nothing.
Maybe i might not be getting it if i have my dinner first.
I cant wait that long as i want to sleep early and i better
save my money. I have drank too much this month as
far as i can remember. And now lets me see my finance.

As of my record i have spent 1590 for last year
December and fucking shit what did i spent that on. I am
single and i dont think i bought something important.
Let me see what i did with that money.........
Fucking shit i have spent on...cigaret,cigaret,dont know
how many...food,food, dont know how much i ate. No
wonder i am getting fat and my health very bad. Whats
happening to me...just like my dad thats how he spent
his money. Now me.. To spent that much i have to earn
10 times that. This is bullshit of me. Is this how i am
going to live my life. Fuck i dont know what to say and
i rather not say anything. Everything i think and do is
not working. Just like my dad, say one thing and do the 
other. I need to get out of this jinxed life of mine. I dont
know what to do. But i think i better not write more of
this cause i will do more wrong instead.

2009hrs and my supplier still has not called. And i think
i will not be having today. Guess thats it for today.

19/01/2012
1924hrs


Last 2 days had too much of RED Horse a filipino beer.
It was good after so long. I mean i have been having
too much wisky and beer is like a delicasy. Any way
work is work and tomorrow off. Cant believe January
is almost coming to an end and how much have i moved.
And i can fucking not lie and i dont have to say much.
The answer lies in the latter sentance.

Just came back from gym and my jog was horrible as
my body and legs are rusty and i had to stop after like
10 minute of snail jog. I have to start this work out as
i need to be active from this slackness. Having capri-sun
mixed fruit juice that i got from the housing office. My
dinner meal. Kind of reminds me of the time in Singapore
where i was in Cedar Primary School. This drink used to
cost 50 cents and it was pure damn good and now i dont
find that same feeling any more. I guess now is like just
sip it down the throat and fill the empty part of my
stomach. How lame life is going for me. Lame lame.

Yesterday my work was like laughing from the morning
till i finished. Villa 4, i had to go there to service the FCU
and when i was servicing the Butler area FCU. I got so
pissed off cause i had spent almost 30 minute or so to
just put the filter and that was so stupid of me. And the
funnier part... I was at the cinema hall and i had just
farted and luckily the smell was not that bad. And as i
was about to leave the room, BOBO comes in and he
might have smelled something wrong and from his face
expression he was trying to find out what that smell was
as one of his job is to prevent smell from the room.
And this made me so want to laugh that i went out to
find Ricardo. I told him about every thing while enjoying
my laugh.. ha ha.. And another funny incident was Htin
was checking the rooms and telly it with the new rooms 
that we were assigned. He did it in a very uncomfortable
way as the copy was in the board and he was staring
so hard and writing it down on the table. So what do i
do. I told him 'wait Htin', and took out the paper from 
the board and placed it in the table and i started laughing.
This made him irreated i think..Well thats it for now..
Its 1952hrs.. just came back from smoke and listening to
the wallflower-one headlight................. 

2143hrs
17th January 2012

Well i am drinking Red Horse.. Filipino beer 8% man reminds
me of Carlsberg gold 8% back in Malaysis. Life is so...........
............................................................................................
.............................................................................................
Nohting working and i am fucking bullshit... I dont have much to
say

1850hrs
15th Jan 2012

I am back and i feel very lazy and i dont feel like doing
anything. Dont know why i am feeling like this. What
can i say about my days.. Its dragging and i am in
a dilemma. Too much in thoughts and too little i am
doing to change my thoughts. Shit this is no good and
i will stop here.

2353 hrs
13th January 2011..

My first post for the new year. Actually i had posted before
this but it did not saved and i could not bring myself to
type again. Non the less this is still good for the new year.
Was too busy for the last few days as my First sis is here
and i had gone to Dubai to meet her and also meeting with
munna regularily. Thats why i could not find the time to
write anything. Also i have posted message to.... Had to
do it someday. Life is going smooth and already i am broke.
There is still like half a month left.. dont know how it will
pass. Tomorrow or in a 2 minute Kali's birthday and was
supposed to be mine as well.. Too much complication cause
of Nepali calender thats why now its 10th Feb.. 2 days of
off was great as i enjoyed watching FULL HOUSE, a
Korean Drama. Its an old show maybe back of 2002 or
some where near. Good story, good acting and just perfect.
I was glued to it till the end. Well need to try to sleep.
Morning shift..