1931hrs
21st January 2011.
Before i start, i wanna smoke a cigaret...
Well i am back. One thing i cant give up this stupid
habit and its was a bad resolution for this year. And
i am kind of worried for the future. I know the safest
method is to stick where my place is but i just cant
forget the risk. But i dont have that option and as i
look at it i am not making any effort or what so ever.
There is lackness in everything that i do. My path
seems dimmer as the days goes by. How could i
see the changes that i wish for and how can i
implement it effictively. Maybe its just a bad thought
and wish i could just change my thought.
21 days gone and how unhappy i feel as the days goes
by without any thing in my way.
Yesterday Ramila came from Dubai with her friend and
its was reunion among the 4 of us. She is after me and
we were born in Nepal and Kopi and Munna were born
in Singapore. We had a good chat the whole day and
all the sweetest chat that i can remember. I cooked
chicken and Kopi made fishball vegetable for lunch.
We than had a home chat and family. Somethings cant
change and we had some light disagreement. In the end
we came to terms. Munna came at 5 and as for her she
made fried rice and there we were all 4 of us having
dinner together. Ramila left like before 8 as her journey
to Dubai is long and today she had work. Any ways
after that i left for my room and 2012 is a good year
and i have to think of whats good for me. I am still
in the thinking process and lets see how it will turn out.
1950hrs and Rudhra is preparing dinner and i am
waiting for Ricardo call as i have asked for medicine.
Was suppose to call me in 1930 but till now. Nothing.
Maybe i might not be getting it if i have my dinner first.
I cant wait that long as i want to sleep early and i better
save my money. I have drank too much this month as
far as i can remember. And now lets me see my finance.
As of my record i have spent 1590 for last year
December and fucking shit what did i spent that on. I am
single and i dont think i bought something important.
Let me see what i did with that money.........
Fucking shit i have spent on...cigaret,cigaret,dont know
how many...food,food, dont know how much i ate. No
wonder i am getting fat and my health very bad. Whats
happening to me...just like my dad thats how he spent
his money. Now me.. To spent that much i have to earn
10 times that. This is bullshit of me. Is this how i am
going to live my life. Fuck i dont know what to say and
i rather not say anything. Everything i think and do is
not working. Just like my dad, say one thing and do the
other. I need to get out of this jinxed life of mine. I dont
know what to do. But i think i better not write more of
this cause i will do more wrong instead.
2009hrs and my supplier still has not called. And i think
i will not be having today. Guess thats it for today.
