Well started my internet connection on the 17th Febuary and its
going smoothly.. need to learn more from the www..
chow for now..

050211 time 810pm..

Ohoooo... whats life...
Here i am trying to write some if i can.. See how far can my
finger works.. Been a long time since i have typed anything...
I dont really feel like typing cause i dont have the mood..
What i hoped for the days to come.. thought i would concentrate
my work and catch up with the things that i have missed in work
life.. but i now realise i ended up nothing to this far.. It just too
tough catch up with the last 33 years.. maybe i try to be normal
.. but i dont think i can i am saying and doing something else..
How do i chang.. its crap and bullshit....

Really hate and i am banging hard on the key board.. feel like
smashing the computer,,, but i cant cause its not my property..
i dont even have a computer at home,, could have bought but
i dont know where i spent the money.. every month i end up
spending around 1000 and i dont know what i spend it on...
Cant believe i am this jinxed.. till now..


Forget about the above and let me start something new.. But
what can i start off with... let me open youtube.com and listen
some songs.. yeaa i am in and surfing.. kind of pressed THE
CLASSIC. one of my favourite korean film... its loud and
its making me inspirational.. but can i write something...
Let see..

Tomorrow my shift is afternoon and i need to go early to
do "the Project"... For one month 2hour of O.T to finish
the 240 plus rooms to clean the filter for my side.. and for
the plumber side they are reparing the tap... an dfloor runner
i have no idea..

Fuck i dont think i can write..

NOw i am listening to John Denver classic... Country road..
Making me hight,,,

|Thats it.. i am done using th youtube..

17th January 2011 and its cloudy outside, possibly going to
rain. How life is going on and the guilt and hurt that i am
feeling inside me. I feel like that i need tobe strong to go on
cause its life after all and in some point of life things happens for
a reason and i have to seize it cause its mine i guess. Just finished
doing gym and i am looking forward to kill the 2hours left for me to
go to work. Well what else can i say but to be able to say the right
words and the action... Ok cant think of much and i want to stop here

27th December 2010 and i am at my sis hostel.. Tomorrow hers flight
to Nepal after like 2 years of work here. Just came back from Boling
centre after our dinner at the Chinese restaurant. Her bf joined us.
After we had a pool game and arcade game. Well i am gonna miss her
for a month and i wish i could go with her. But my turn will come soon
and i have to be patience cause life will come when my turn will come.
any way i am happy that i will be able to look forward to my life thats
coming to.. Well thats all for now as my time to spend here is limited.
Any way chow.. and i will write for sure...

26th december 2010, christmas just over.. Well there is like 5
days to 2011 and i am looking forward to lot of changes in
my life if it is possible. I HAVE to cause i am not leading a
normal life. Any way my sis is going vacation on the 28th
and i am in her room to help her pack up and take some of her
stuff. Any way i am very angry with myself casue i cant
do things that i am thinking of. How useless can i be. I have to
change. Till next time..

30th November 2010 and tomorrow is going to be December
last month of 2010.. i have like 2 more days of off and today is
not included. Which makes 3 days of leave.. Its good to have
rest but whats the use if i dont have much interseting life that i
can say of. Ok like i have much to nag about. The price for
an hour of useage is 5drm and its not cheap. I have to make best
use of the money. I finally realise why i was so different from
others cause my right ear is not functioning and thats why i was
acting different from my early age.. And this has become a habit
 and its tough to change it since i am 32 now and the 32 years i
have acted this way and i dont think it will be easy to suddenly
change to a new person. I dont know why it took so long to
notice myself. Am i stupid or maybe i was concentrating on my
gambling and i was trying to be normal but instead everything
was going very bad. Because of this ifound my problem. Huh....
Well what i felt was i needed someone to understand me and
care for me. But i acted strangely along the way and my thought
for her.. like i was going to emberess her and i am always out of
topic.. I could not even greet her for her birthday.. least i could
have done even if she dont like me.. Some how i think i did stood
a chance.. and i have wasted it and i guess i have to accept the
reality and try to change my life. If i ever have to chance to know
her i will really appreciate her cause how long am i going to stay
this way.. this miserable life of mine.. I just wanted a normal life
but cause of my deafness normal is becoming disastirous.
Why was i so slow to recognise this madness. Thats why may be
she was my answer and.. Aahh.. i really hate myself..
2 more days to spend and
back to work... i just went to gym after like 3 or 4 week of
absence. I have to start doing gym to fill my gap and to be fresh
of my self.
There is like 40minute  left of my hour. and i have to write more
cause i have been MIA for so long and .... I guess i have to take
a lot of  my time to chabge for the better.. I have finished my reading
of the novel 'The Wrecker'. Finished it like in 15 days.. one of my
good record.. Am not proud of it cause if i had done this back when
i was younger,, i would have changed my destiny. ANy way no regrats
but i have to do something about it.. Any now surfing you tube.. any way
i hope my self the best ...good luck..

Ok.. cool.. well todays 3 days off.. cool huh..

Well tomorrow's her B'day and i am still in silence of it. Dont hve the
guts and the confidence of facing the,, For sure i am gonna drink
tonight to fill my sorrow and my loneliness cause thats who i am and
how the hell am i ever gonna change my... Any way i have dont much
yo say cause i am not in a situation where i can say what i like cause...
Least i am happy that i am still writing.. Drinking tonight and hope to
have a good time alone,...

25th November 2010 and what can i say...
I finally am able to write something after like may be
3 month of absence... I kind of forgot to write and least i can say is that
i finally found out the dilemma thats been revolving around me and
what can i say that am i a fool or what?
Why did not i think of it before.. may be i never felt that way and i was
focusing on something that was far from reachable...
I dont know what the outcome is going to be like thats coming my
way???

Any way life still moves on and i will write more the next time..
P.S- I have to strive harder and change new direction...

11/10/10

10/10/10 was yesterday and  i was not able to write due to lack of net access.
By the way it was also  t hotel staff party which i really enjoyed getting drunk.
Its been such a long time that i have enjoyed. I guess i will remember when i refer
this later on in the days that will come and i guess i am loosing my creativity cause
i cant seem to write more than this. And i will be ending my sentance pretty soon.
Need to go back to cook and i guess this is life and survival is necssary for human.
Chooaw for now.

Well well 7th September 2010 time 7:40pm. I think i was lost or i
was not doing what i had to do. So much had happened for the
days that i had not written and i dont know where to start and
i wont be able to write as the way it should have been.

I dont know exactly where to start with and i dont feel like
starting...

Lost of words and lost of mind,,, loosing my life and i dont know
how deep i am lost and my precious sight is making my life even
harder..


Ok cool is the word i am using for right now. Just chat with sis
and used the cool words too often. and the topic will be 'cool'


2 days of my off and back to work. one day gone and one more
left and i believe it will be very interesting with chhring and the
guys.. planning to go to the beach..actual plan is to sun tan.. ha ha
for me.. but i think the guys will not like it..


Ramadan is coming and i wish all the muslim in the world a wonderful
Ramadan and a joyus occassion..

well thats all for today.. next time i will try to writ more.. hopefully..

27th July and its a very early morning.. 211am exactly. Just finished
watching a movie titled 'The Ringer'. Its a hilarious movie involving
disabled people. Had fun watching it cause it was funny and romantic.
The lead actor had pretended to be disabled to complete in the
olympic for the disabled. In between he falls for the volunteer who is
helping the disabled. It was sure fun watching the movie after a week.
Well currently i gave up the remote control for a couple as i believe
they need some privacy. So here i am taking my time to write something.
As far as my days is going on, the first of the next month i will be
attending my orientation after 2 month. I am not exactly looking
forward to but just take as it.Got like 3 more days to night shift and
it will be seeing the day light of day shift.


So how do i start it. August 07 i left early in the morning after i
said my last good bye to my friends. I had just carried my bag with
a few cloth. I took a cab to the bus stop and wondered at the city
for sometimes wondering what i would do as i was pretty lost. I made
my new card and got it. later on i tried to withdraw the cash but it was
not setteled yet. So i was thinking what i would do? Finally around
early afternoon my luck changed and i withdraw my last pay around
1100.. I took my lunch and snacks wondering around thinking. I
bought some tickets for the time. Called Dhurba and told him i will
be taking the 4pm bus. I boarded the bus and i tried to leave behind
my misery hoping for a new chapter of my life. I was not excited now
was i nervious. I was confused and well i dont have any words to
explain it. The journey reached the bus interchange for a short break
for food and toilet. I had my supper and i headed back to the bus.
There the driver shifted me to another bus for the direct route to KL.
Well as the passanger was not much they wanted to shorten their
journey and cost. So my ride coninued and i was on my road to
my new destination. I reached the terminal at around 8 plus. I called
my friend and wondered around the new city. I took U41 bus from
just opposite china town and it was one long journey. I reachd
Sungai long around 11 plus and had my dinner at the indian stall.
As i was having my food Dhurba arrived and we headed back to
the room. It was a small room and my first meeting with Bikash.
Well my new life started from that night.. Till than the next eposide
will be stated in my coming times...

Was me just posing for the picture...

Well this is me.. just posing for the picture.. location is at the presidential place..

This is the second biggest Mosque in United Arabe Emirates.. Taken from the top of the tower of Sangrila Hotel Abu Dhabi in the early morning.

24th July 2010 a very early morning at Abu Dhabi the time
617am and i am at work. The situation is not much of a
busyness so just surfing and what better way to write my
blog. My data reading at's 7am and i have like quite some
time before i am on my move to do other stuff's. Well
cant say much of late things as nothing so special cause
i am wondering of how i will be spending my time the
next days and days. Just so can the will be of other way
of the way how we do things.

Any way one of my lyric for my new song will be like...

'Its been since a long time
since i saw you.
Wish you were here
with me

Days of my lonely days
Spending my time
all alone
thinking of you

This's guitar's my only friend
singing my song
wondering if i
ever see you again.
.
.
.
I wish i was strong enough
to say the words
thats in my mind
to you


This is one of my songs thats i have written and i hope
do write more songs.. hopefully

Morning 1034am and its 22nd July 10. Just finished doing
gym and was making my move back to my room and i just
remembered to use my blog and i came back and lucky
enough the computer that can be accessed was not occupied.
Actually the computer room was empty best describes it. And
as i had mentioned earlier that i know how to use the new way to
access this blog and it did work. Ok so far i had uploaded my old
article which was way back a week ago.. i think..
Well i have nothing much to say and i will or must have cook lunch
cause the breakfast that i had in the morning is gone from the gym
that i had did. So need to re energise before i sleep. If not i will
not be able to sleep. Speaking of this a few days ago it
was almost 12pm and i had just fallen asleep for maybe 5 minute
and i suddenly woke up due to empty stomach. The feeling was
so bad that i quickly cooked instant noodle and hurriedly gubbled
it down my throat.So you see i have to eat or else i will have to
wake up again half way and my sleep spoiled. Well i just
remembered that my aircone is down and its 2 days.. Dont know
if its good for my breathing cause there was insident in Malaysia
where people had died in their sleep. The reason was that due
to lack of air flow in the room and the heat, had caused the person
less oxygen. And this was why people died in their sleep. Well
here is almost the same insident and best part is that the
temperature is even higher that Malaysia will less humidity. So
maybe ..... I dont know let me not talk about it. OK.. Almost
1050am and i can feel a bit hungry.. gonig off soon and make
myself chicken dish and rice for lunch. Ohhh.. my mouth almost
watery as i think of it. Ok chow.. going off.. 

ok here i am and i can say i am loosing interest in what

i am doing. But do i have a choice? No is the answer and
i have to carry on what i am doing and what i studied for.
Have to stick to it for some time as there is no other way
out due to my wrong choices in my history of my 32 years.
And best of all my finance... Dont know what i am doing
sometimes cause half my age is gone and maybe half my
brain is dead too. This i think could be the answer cause
my experience is not working well on me in my life.
Especially the one who i was thinking of asking. Still in
my dream land and the feeling i felt for and the feeling i
wanted to show..Guess i wont be able to express it. Cause
i feel i dont have what it takes to be a gentleman to ask.
Any ways she has someone who was waiting for her and i
dont think its nice to be the devil and snatch her. But
what can i do i feel helpless cause its the eye that had
sight on her and i think i will not be able to vanish her
thought from my memory. Cause you know the
brain is a weak part of our entire body as it is the one that
keep reminding us of that particular image or insident.
And than the weak part comes into action,, you know the...
HEart... SO sickening.. Really hate my self for loving you
especially when i cant even say it to you. So just does nt
makes any sense. Why me me me... Well feel like
running away but why this situation. I have to work and
do some responsibility from my side.
Any way i hope to erase it by end of this month cause my
shift changed and hopefully i can cope my job as well.
Many things to do in my remaining life and of course i
have to cherish this wonderful life that i have and of course
my sis and dad and mom. LIfe goes on and i will be off
tomorrow and likely i will be gong to the city to have some
sightseeing and to look around Abu Dhabi City. Although
the place is like a furnace its good to be in new environment.
I need to erase the thought and by the way i am listening my
HEE DAE KO BATO one of my original classic whaich i
composed in Malaysia. Its sure is good thing that i got a
guitar from my sis but there is no improvement in my
composing of songs.Cause i have only composed one
song in all this one month. Its a disgrace and i really hate
my self any way the title of my song is AUUTAA KHAATHA
CHA. By the way its not fully composed and the tune is
still need to fine tune it. See how snail i am. I just hope i
can forget and i must. Any way tomorrow will be going to
city and need to buy hard drinks cause need to sober myself.
Cause i am a man. By the way i just for some how thought
of the future. I know i will get married someday and i really
dont know who my lovely wife would be?? And if you just
happen to read this.. Dont be angry or over reactive cause
this is my life and i am just writing down my feeling and my
problems of my life cause i have no one to share with. So
just writing it down was the best way for me. Any way i
am kind of tired and the time here in UAE is 1:40am and
i need to be heading to hostel cause tomorrow morning need
to go gym need to trim my body cause i dont like to look fat
and i love to sweat and do tough training. Well thats all for now
cause its late. BY the way i wanted write on my blog but
could not open it as the site is difficult to open and the admin
might have blocked the site. Any way will be pasting it in my
blog when i visit my sis or the hotel computer. Lets see how
whichever comes first. Today is 6 July a very early morning.
Going off soon,,,,

Well a good morning and i am in a rush cause i will be
taking the morning bus to hostel. Its almost 821am
and i cant write much as i dont have much time. ok
now i know how to post blog the other way. ok
making my move.. chow for now

Well been some time for now that i have not written.. Any way i will always
try my best to write something down.
Ok let me say something about Abu Dhabi.. Its actually a desert and all round
what you can see are sands.. very fine sands. |You wont be able to see any rain
fall may be once or twice a year cause i am still new here. But since this place
is rich in oil, the money that came is being used very wisely by the ruler since
the discovery around (ithink 1940s to... not too sure). And where there is
money to be made there will be people looking for better prospect in life. And
thats why the country is developing very fast. And speaking of developing, they
have spend a lot in greenery. Imagine greenary in a desert where the ground is not
fertile and where there is no rain at all. Well the only answer is technology. ANd
this technology is after all money. ANd now its very better off in some parts of the
places. The only thing that i like about UAE is the greenary. Well lets see how
far can this country go. ANy way thats about for now.