24th November 2011
1021am

What can i say.... Listening to Normal Academy
'Ghairo Akha' one of the song composed by
ex GC bhanjas in usa. The kid i used to remember
has good talent. Back than he used to be a
normal kid. And here he is making full use of
his life. Guess the right word would be make
the best use of your life.

I look at myself and i cant change is all thats i
know. Its just waste of my time only thinking
and imaginig. This fucking life is after all my life
which i cant change. One of the biggest reason is
that i got my life answer here, and where i found
my answer is not the place to stay and i decided
to leave.Find a new place and new life. I am just
 waiting  for that. I am hoping DV will work out
and in the mean time i will try to improvise myself.
Or else there are many opportunity out there.
Every thing takes time and being patience and
improving is the key to it. I know i am very
better than before and am striving to be better.
But sometimes it brings me crashing down back
to square one. I know i just cant just give up thats
why i am able to write.

Time only 1038hrs and i will be working in the
afternoon and next month straight afternoon. And
i guess thats back to basic like before when i just
recently moved to HVAC. Dont want the old
habit to repeat. Lets see. Cause the 2 AL that i
took, i planned something but ended up doing
nothing. So fucking wasted and what can the
afternoon shift would be like. Cant imagine.

So fuck it and fucking live. Am listening to
NIrvana 'Come as you are'. I feel like the song is
sickening me. Back i used to go crazy over it.
Maybe its time to change.

I just changed the player. sick of the shit. And...
Nothing much to say. thats it. chow.... 

24th November 2011
0122 hrs

Very early in the morning and i just came back
from work. It was very fine and i am talking
but the hearing at the cafeteria was not so good.
Its tough to concentrate and i am getting lost
for time to time. Cant do much about it and..
Hate to write all this shit. .

Today morning was not a bad day had. I think
overall my day went pretty well and i will try
to sleep cause i want to make my sleeping
pattern normal.

Any way there is nothing special that happened
to me and as above what i wrote it sounds
very lifeless. I want to write but nothing
coming out of my head. Well i will try to sleep.

2112hrs
22nd November 2011

2nd Last month of the year and all the memory that
was made weather in good times or bad times. What
can i say about it. Looking back how i wonder i have
come so far in life and wish i could just play back
what had passed in my life. But i cant
and in memory only could i try to recall it. All i can
say is  IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF MY
LIFE AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT EVEN
MORE MEMORABLE NEXT YEAR. Although
there is like a month more for next year its good
to express before hand. How life is worth even if i
am worthless. Its the uniqueness of me and thats
the best part of me. No one can copy me and i
guess i am the original. So what better way is to
write it in words and read it back when time tells
me to.

Tuesday is the day and i had a maggie georang and
butter with bread and sandwich form the hostel
dinner package.

Now i am trying a new song and i am stuck after
the first few lines... Its goes like...'' Kaati Ramri,
Kaati Ramri. Suhaai aahhhh koo. Maana Chornea,
Maana Chornea. Muskan dee ya ko." After this i
am stuck and cant go on as my Nepali is not
good. But i kind of like the tone and i feel good
that i composed it myself although it only around
20 second of song. I hope that i can complete this
song with meaning to it. Hopefully...

Any way work was ok and by the way i am
afternoon shift tomorrow just replacing my
colleague. Its 2 days of afternoon and as the month
is almost ending and SALARY round the corner.
Money Money,,, My hard earned moneys coming.
Looking forward to it. Hope the 5% of 11 month
comes and 5% incriment as well. Back few weeks
i had been calculating and planned some event
of the money. Lets see at the end of the month.

Time 2140hrs and how time moves so fast and
looking at the time i have not done much today.
Feeling wasted cause wisdom is time and nothing
can bring it back once it passed. I have to be more
wiser or the time will tick away and i have to
blame myself and when that happens time moves
even more faster. Which i can say stupidity will
only remain of me.

Any way nowadays i am playing SUDUKO a
game or 9 by 9 numbers on the grid. Currently
i have finished 50 of the 100 games and hope
to finish all soon. Once i start, i have to finish
it. And its makes my mentality better. And
currently i am smoking less but today i just
bought a pack and i am feeling bad about it.

I guess thats it for now and hope to write
more. Chow for now.....

I have like only 5 minute to write cause i missed the
first bus at 7 and i am taking 730pm but to my sis
place. going for dinner. Any way it 1925hrs and
21/11/2011...
Now listening to Poison.. every rose has its throne..
And now i have like 4 minute... Its like how time
is so precious and i dont have much of it and
i have to rush. Anyu way going to log off
for now.

20/11/2011
0721hrs

Woke up 20 minutes ago and had orange and did my
shit. My head is feeling heavy from the drink that i
had last night. Finished half the bottle which is not
good for the body but when i start i cant stop till
i drop dead. Well i guess life is a party sometimes.
Very fresh early in the morning and looking forward
for the day to see how todays going to be. Listening
to singapore fm station and going to make myself
bread.....
Just finished my bread and a smoke and my room
mates going to sleep as he just came back from work
. Just to bad for him cause i am afternoon shift and
he night shift.

Well today is a special day and life moves on no
matter what. I am optimistic about it...

18-11-2011
2158hrs

Just finished my dinner, had maggi noodle. First i
boiled the water and added 'sookiti' also known as
dried buffalo meat which Ramila had sent it from
Nepal. It was very spicy as the dried meat is mixed
with all the spices and especially chilli. Feeling
very full and need to let my tummy digest before
i sleep. Just opened youtube and played 'Kaha timro
mayalui lai' a very old song which was played at
Singapore Dashin festival at the drill shed. I was
very fond of the tone and it has special memory
of the festival and other things that happened
at Singapore. Just cant believe i have become so
old but believe i have not aged at all. I know i
am lonely but what can i do except to feel as
though i am happy. I know i was lost in space and
i am trying to move and every day is challenging.
Like today while having lunch as usual i was
trying to get life and suddenly i hear a ringing
in my ear. My only one ear which is the sound
of eveything was ringing and i felt so scared as
i have read such problem and the effect is
deafness. I could feel my sight loosing cause of
the emotion i was feeling. So i quickly finished
my lunch and made my way out to avoide the
noisy environment. And the rest of the day was
one hell of a day as i could not concentrate my
work. So i bought a new cigratte and my day
was smoking all the way. Finally around late
evening i told myself. If i loose my only ear
than i will accept it. But i will try to prevent it
by seeing the doctor. Any way so far i am
feeling ok and i have not have that proble. Went
jogging and did some light exercise.

Well i think i should call it a day for my blog
and thinking of resting.

0425hrs 18-11-2011

I was awake 20 minutes ago and made myself coffee
and smoked 2 cigarette. Guess its part of my daily
dose and i have like 2 more stick left. Dont know
how will my day go without it. I still have like 2
hours left to catch the bus to work. Here i am very
freah from my sleep as i slept at 10pm in the evening
last night and i had like 5 hours of sleep. Its good
that i had a good sleep. Remembering back than i
could not sleep for like 5 days from 8th to 12th Nov.
The only time i slept was like 1 hour or 2 hour
per day. I just could not sleep than and finally on
the 4th day i had wisky to put me to sleep. I guess
i am getting back to normality. Now listening to
some hindi song just to get me in the mood.

I just dont know what else to write cause my
brain getting blank and the songs are making me
sick.... Just changed new song 'Rancid' 'old frind'
One of my classic from the past. Its pretty exciting
as the intro starts off like 'Good morning Heart ache'
. Its sure is, my heart ache.... And i guess its good
to listen to such melidious song... and after which
listen to 'crying in my beer' by 'screeching weasel'
Just so perfect for the morning life to start my
off with. '''wHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU
HAPPY'''. 'cRYING IN MY BEER'. Any way its
good that i am enjoying the song rather than
the hindi song which is too much fantasy. Really
sick of the dancing and singing,, makes life more
miserable after watching such movies and songs.
Lets live in reality.....

By the way last night around 9pm after i came back
from my sis room. I had just changed and i just
wanted to sit on my bed. As i put my ass on my bed,
on of the support from the bed rack just broke
and luckily it broke at that moment. Or else my
laptop would have smashed cause most of the
time i leave it below my bed. Lucky escape or
else i would not be writing here now. After which
i broke the remaning 2 more support and removed
it from my bed. And now my bed is just on the
floor. Its good this way cause its the changes
of the moment.

Any way the time is 0454hrs and i am going
for a smoke. Feel like i need to inhale some
smoke for now.

Well i am back from my cigarette and its one
of my best friend other than Wisky. Wish Beer
was with me but this is middle east and wisky
is more convenient than beer. You know
what i mean. Affordable and less hassel.
I feel high after that smoke and i just watch
'Rancid' concert in Japan. Thinking of making
a tatoo. I think its cool. Maybe i will when
i go vacation. I have something on my mind.

Any way the early morning going smoothly
and going to do some push ups and sit ups.
Like the saying goes 'A healthy man is a
wealthy man'. There is many defination to
this pharse, And for me is as long i am
healthy i get to see another beautiful day.
How wonderful it is to move forward and see
the events unfold in my very eyes.

0511hrs and may be i will surf till 0530 and do
other stuff cause its not good to surf too long
to.

I guess i have to stop for now and do other stuff.
Life's a life after all and its time to stop here.
Chow for now..............

1308 hrs and its 16.11.11 and its a beautiful
afternoon cause i refer back my blog from
yesterday and it gave me all the good memory
from the past even though it was not good than.
It made me so... its hard to explain but i really
felt relieved cause.. damn.., did i did all those
things. I spent a great deal of time to enjoy the
moment as i read on and on.

Any way today i am in the afternoon shift and
i hate afternoon shift but i have to relief my
colleague cause its his off. And tomorrow
i am back to morning shift.

Any way i have labelled my imagination as
'Secondary' cause its not relevant to me and
its sure is a waste of time to imagine. But
it was out of control back and thats why
i am trying my best to control it. "Secondary"
i hope to overcome you and change for sure.
It will take time but i am willing to take the
time and change. I for sure i will overcome
it cause i am changing, even though people
are very far ahead of me and i am so back
to catch up with them. But i dont regret cause
even if i am slow least i know what my
problem was. So satisfied i am and no other
words to describe myself. Thanks for this
blog that i can share myself to see who i was
back than and how far have i came in this
life. One of the most important person i
would like to thank 'HER' cause i was able
to find my weakness which i have been
trying to find for the past 32 years. And again
'HER' cause i realise i should not be afraid
even if i have an disadvantage. And again
''HER'' cause i was always in an world
of my own. Wish i could do something
about it.......................


Any way its 1325.. thats like 35 minute
more to catch my bus.. have to start
preparing to go to work....

As always chow for now...

11/11/11
11th November 2011

The second last year before this special number will
come again in a centuary time. Of course i would be
dead by than. And i feel very special to be living in this
kind of special moment. Well i hope to live even
though my obsticles are far more difficult than most
of the people. I guess this is the so called 'LIFE'. And its
gets more exciting as each days goes on. I guess the right
word is to think of it in a different way. And i am alive
and kicking................................................

319am 7th of November

I have over came my fear of my life. Lonelyness is
what i will face. But i realise i must try my very
best to have less imagination or it will kill me.
So far tell you the truth i am really hurt but its
good that she has someone who makes her happy.
Is it not what i had wanted for her. It is and i will
cry as well as smile. Its the sacrifice a man has to
give in moment like this. In this i found out who
i am and one of the important thing for me is to
reveal myself or fight for myself. Since i have no
one than i have to be strong. I dont know how my
life will move from here. BUt lets see in the
coming days thats will come and if not i will
decide. I just dont want to be crazy or die for
nothing. I have survive one of the crazyest things
that have happened to me so far from my moving
life and i cant stop here. But something tells me
i might quit this job and go back. Lets see how?
Well this is it for now. My life moves on but
in a different way hopefully.

0841am

31st October 2011, last day of the month and 2 more month
before 2012. How time moves and how far i have come.
Listening to Warrent "Haven". It an old song from the 90's.
Brings back memories of the days that i used to...
Kind of not sure what i did but for sure this was the song
that i listened and one of the first english song that i listend
to. I mean i was very young than maybe less than 10 years or
maybe a bit older. Well its sure is wonderful to listen to it
and what better way to cherish it than to be listening to it.
And by the way my local leave started from 27th Oct and it
will end on the 7th Nov. I am enjoying the vacation and its
been going smoothly. 28th celebrated 'Tihar' and it was a
joyus occassion. Kopila and Sarita put 'Tika' and it the bond
between us thats keeps me going on. And not forgetting
dolly in Nepal. We chatted on skype and its wonderful to
be united even if we are far apart. Well got to shut down
the notebook for now... and i will be back again...

The time 2338 and date 2nd of October..
My 1st day of annual leave by which actually extra off and off than
will the AL starts. Any way it does not matter cause i am already
starting my off. Well what can i say... it did went pretty well as
the day went smoothly. Now still surfing the net since the whole
day. Least i did went jogging which has made me a bit more
healthier compared to if i had not went jogging. Kudos to me..
I mean sometimes its good to self compliment. Any way i dont
know when i will be able to sleep cause i did slept in the afternoon
and i am still feeling very much fresh. Hope i will write a history
for today cause its been very very long since i have blogged.

Ok now chewing gum at this hour, my mouth was itchy so just
chewing for the sake of it.

Just smoked a cigarette and here i am. How time tick away and
it already 2359. going to surf cause i am kind of blank for now.

Well as for me this is enough for today..

08/09/2011 2131hrs

First of all before i start,,,, i just like the number 13...
How much must i complain in my life... is it the fate of the
chosen ones... i just want to live a normal life,, is it too
much for asking??? finally the time for 'out of sight, out
of mind' is coming... Can i be stronger after this?? i doubt...
I know where ever i go i will find the same fucking problems..
So whats the answer for me... i dont know and i dont even
want to know.. i want to think no more... i just want to get high
and sleep...

Just cant imagine i came to this time... 34 just round the corner
and i just cant stop time and my heart beat just goes on..
do i feel happy about it... i dont really know the answer...
i just try to live..

how long must i think....

an early morning time 0639 060911 and i am as fresh as the bird.
Having black coffee and surfing the net with singapore fm station
Thinking of cleaning the room and staying fresh. The radio's playing
some good music and its making my early day looking good. Like
i say its the mood thats matter and lets see how the day will end.
So much has happened till now and how much i have thought of
my life has come so far and i dont know if it will actually have an
affect and will it really change. But most of the time its just a
repetance of my damaged thought. Its just repetance and i know
it but its just repeate and i just cant help it. Its just out of control
will be a perfect defination. Just let the thought do its part cause
its job is its own. Than later on i will try to compromise and do
my part to change and balance my self.

9 month is left for my vacation and i hope i will hang on till than.
I have to do it and i believe its the way of moving forward.
How time has moved to fast and how i wish to do so much
but...

I dont have much to say cause my minds like empty and
i guess thats it for this..

07/08/2011
1355pm..

I cant seem to live without blogspot. Its been

Time 0052 17th July 2011....

How time moved so fast and where am i?
Finally i realise who i am and i can do nothing
about it. How can i change whats wrtitten for me?
Hate it but i have to live it. Do i have a choice?
Really really hate it...
Tried to sleep but just could not enter the dreamland
and here i am in cyber land surfing. Best part i made
myself a coffee that i had bought in the evening.
Am not planning to sleep cause the saying goes
sleeping is a waste of time. So i will drink coffee
all night long and surf.

Here i am, and how i forgot to... you know what
 i mean. 18th June 2011 time 0320.. cooking...
Came from gym and making my food before bed.
Life is going smooth and learning and researching
who i am. Good that i am improving.. i think..
Least i have not forgot this site..
Looking forward for my sis, she will be coming
on the 23rd and i am pretty excited.. Any ways i
dont have much to say and i will end it here..

210am 15th May 2011

After countless days of drinking, here i am very fresh
from the gym. Did a thread mill jog and a bit of
workout. I was not expecting this day to come but
it did. So much has happen and too many thought
in the mind. Its too difficult to control the mind and
it gets out of hand most of the time. Cant control it
and cant hear clearly. This is why i have difficulty
releating to conversations. How same things am i
going to write and its the same with my thoughts.
Its spinning the same thing round and round with
a bit of changes here and there.

As a kid when i was like maybe 10 (dont know
exactly what age or the period) together with my
sister we used the sofa to built house and played
around. The sofa had 10 set, big one had 6 set of
sofa and the other 2 had 2 set each. How fond
memories to remember now cause thats how our
childhood had been spent and thats not all. There
are others memory too. Its just too difficult to
explain in sentances and words. Hope i can write
it more better the next time.

Its 222am and i think i need to get another
water melon. This was bought by my room mate
Arvin and its almost drying up cause its been in
the fridge for almost 5 days (maybe). Any way
i know it will end up in the garbage so i tried it
and its fresh as it just been cut from whole. Only
the outer area looks dry and stale. So excuse me
for a while i need to get a slice cause i had cut it
just before i started typing. Am back and its very
juicy and i just happen to see an orange that i had
bought back 3 days ago, my hotel meal. Guess its
going to be vitamin C for my supper...

Listening to 95m from Singapore and it classic
hits for the night.

Thats all for today, surfing wikipedia.com

08-05-11

Life going smoothly and am hearing
'i was born this way' sounds true...
Ok nothing much just that audit is starting
tomorrow and lets see how it goes.
Good night for now.

0133 and 4th of April.

I always had this weird feeling of number 13 back in
Malaysia. It had always been a bad number from people
thinking. And my employment number was 00113 in
VS industry. I always had difficulty with it cause the
number always appeared. Like my time the street and
other areas. I used to think i was jinxed than and now
sometimes i come across it and i have the same feeling
with this number. Guess my thought has not changed.

Later my best friend Roya Stag is coming may be 4..
Lets see... Need to some to my A/C too. Never too late
than never cause it will be handy when the time comes.
Listening to Blink 182 and enjoying the music.

Will be trying to have an early night.. Well i guess this
is growing up.... By 182..

Good night  :-)

P.S- Life goes on....