1851 hrs
23rd May 2012

my second day of sick leave.. many things have happened and i just
dont have the time to write due to lack of internet connection.
On 21 i had a heavy crash while playing soccer and i fractured my
left shoulder and because of that i am having sick leave. tomorrow
having an appointment with the doctor and might have sick leave
more cause its a fracture and the healing time takes long.. Cant do
nothing about it but wait for it to heal fully.. Before that been doing
gym and running for like 3 month plus.. now cause of the fracture,
again gaining weight. . All the sweat.. huh such wasted.. Vacation
just round the corner and all my plans seems like just wasting..
but i am hopeful.. hopefully,,

Next time...

0137pm
15th March 2012


there is like 23 minute before i head down to take my bus to work. So for
the mean time might as well write down something before i leave this 
room. Very fresh from the early morning as i had a breakfast of coffee
with milk and bread bun. But i smoked like almost 6 stick from the morning.
Think i have shitted like 3 times this morning.. Dont know if thats good
or bad. I am feeling alright though. 


Any way i have already applied for my vacation from 2nd July till 31 July.
Commencing work on the 1st of August. Lets see how the vacation
goes and lets see how much i can save till my vacation for my expense.


And also i have started gym and i need to be ready for my vacation.
Hope i will put in extra effort to be ready for the vacation. There is a lot
to do this vacation.


Summer is starting as i can feel the oven feeling when i went down just
now. How winter came and went and now the heat of summer going to
take its toll of  our lives. Its good at least there is 2 season if not how
anyone would survive in such heat in one seasons. 


Got to get ready as the time is 0147pm. Need to brush my teeth and
smoke before i head down.......

Just had my supper, which was Bryani with Chicken curry. And an orange.
Too full as i can feel my tummy trying to expand. Ya i did smoked a stick
too. Had bought the food from the cafeteria as i dont want to cook so late
at night. And the important part is I WENT GYM.. Ya i did and i did like
jog for 27 minute and 3.4 Km. I guess its one of my personal best time.
Cause before i did run like only 15 minute. As from now on gonna jog 
longer cause its burns the fats and gain my stamina. And also its good
my mass will not gain from the pumping. 0246hrs and its a very fresh 
14th March 2012. Waiting to shower cause as for now need to digest 
the food that i had. I know my body will ache since todays my first 
workout and i have strained some of my muscle. The pain will not come
now but after i wake up. Lets see how bad it will be. 


New life new mission is all i can say and its all in my mind the Brain.
So. guess its all that for now.. wanna shower..

0435hrs and a very fresh 12th March 2012. How time have
moved or rather shall i say, i have come so far in this ever
moving world called life of a human. How does it sounds.
Well frankly saying, its sounds good and i have just bought
my guitar from my room. I am in the kitchen now and am
listening to rod stewart "I dont wanna talk about it". Nice
song to start the day with. I had made myself tea with milk.
The open tea is such a hassel as the strainer is not good to
remove the diluted tea as the holes is bigger and i could not
remove fully the tea. I had a bit of rice and fried chicken
that my flat mate had left from yesterday.

Just played my own lyric and composition of 'Kaati Ramri'.
One of the sudden songs that i composed. Makes me real
good to play that songs. More will come later on.

Last night had 5 bottle of mini beer and it was just fine for
me as i am really fresh from it. Not like the wisky thats
gives me headache cause i over dose drink it. Ha ha.

Last month from 24 and 25 i had to spent the night at
C5-304-3 and 26 to 29 and 1and 2 march i spent the night
at Al Jaber Villa No 57 room 7. As my room mate Rudhra
wife was here and this is the reason for my...
Below is what i wrote in microsoft words in Som room.

The time is 1901hrs and i am at Som room. I am

staying at friends room from 24^th February. My

roommate wife came over and because of that i

have to find a place to stay till his wife leaves. Its

been good that i am experiencing the changing rooms.

 I don’t have the exact word for it but that all i can say

for now. Life is going smooth and don’t know what to

do for the days to come. Hopefully i can do something

as..

Need to go to shit...

Am back..Feeling refreshing after removing the....

0500hrs.. Times moving real fast and its a good thing i am
enjoying the company along with it usefully. On the 9th
cut my hair. Cutting my hair i this time cut only the side and
back and left the front and top long. Looking good as i
dont have to worry about my small head.

Just light up my 2nd cigaret. Speaking of it, i dont have much
to say about it. Just wanna enjoy it for now.

On 17th Feb went Dubai and came back with a fine and on the
7th March went to collect my card. Waste of my money...

Think today i going to spring clean my room and the kitchen
and my room. Not now but later as my room mate still sleeping.

By the way my right elbow is doing fine after i took some pills
that the doctor from the hotel perscribed me. Its amazing how
it works as i have been suffering the pain for the last 4 to 5
month. Just amazing. I took it for 2 days, one each day and i
had the comfort of normality. But once i stopped i can feel
the pain coming slightly. As of now still little pain. Lets see
how it goes today.

Just played 'Paari Ko Kanchi laai'. Did not really played that
well as i have not touched the guitar for soo long. But it still
sounded good for me.

Just cleaned the pan and set the daal to cook. Think after this
i want to clean the kitchen.. Not good to surf the internet too
long..0524hrs...

0555hrs and i just finished cleaning the kitchen. Not only that,
i washed my hansy face too. Looking too good.. ha ha..
Checked the daal.. and its cooking the water level is likr half
of the pan. Will let it cook longer..Want to smoke the 3rd...

The kitchen looking good and makes me proud that i cleaned it.
Well we like stay in clean place and we are responsible to keep
it that way. I did it.. and will always.

0616 hrs and i just thought i lost everything that i have typed
cause i accidentally pressed the close button of this site and i
am very fortunate it was saved automatically. Thank god it was
saved. So relieved...

I just put the fork and spoon on hot boiling water cause there was
cockroach in the container of the holder. And as i can tell its been
like this for a year and it disguist me of how dirty we can be.
Brushed my teeth too cause my teeth turning golden and my
breath like stale fish. Need to make sure its clean especially in
the gum area. Just switch off the boiler of the daal and the spoons.

Think need to play my guitar..

I just played my Malaysia composition and its really wonderful
to know i have composed those wonderful song. Really loving
the day going smoothly..

Just rinsed the boiled spoons and fork.. Cant believe cockroach
fossil is remained on some of the spoons. Uugh...

well thats its for now...

Valentine's Day and i spent the day cleaning the room
and made my lunch, which was also the dinner as well.
2226hrs
My room was too much of dust as i often open the
window for fresh air. That is the reason why the room
was full of dust. Food i cooked chicken, daal and rice.
Was not that good but it filled my tummy and i dont
have to worry for hunger. And i also downloaded a
movie, titled 'Meet Joe Black'. It a story about an old
rich in life man who is going to die and DEATH comes
to visit him before his time passes. And he has to
associate his life what ever he is doing. Death
eventually fall in loves with the old man daughter. And
its wonderfully romantised. Made my day a special
one to remember. Even Death cant help falling in
Love. So i am nothing compared to him. Ha ha..
I know there is someone who is waiting for me. Time
will heal and show me the way as the time comes by.

Speaking of today i found an old song 'Binti Cha Hai'.
Listening to it..Lovely song..wanna fall in love..
desperately..What to do.. its not time yet for me..
Cant write any more for this topic...

2242hrs..
so here i am,, smoked so little today and before this
i said its enough for today but after listening to this
song, i need to buy 2 more stick.. Whats this life
if i cant live like how i want to.. and truth,, i cant.. and
thats that..,Going down to buy..

It just turned 0000hrs and i am so fresh as i had a nap in
the late evening. I had finished the 1/3 of the wiskey
left from yesterday. Here i can feel having resporatory
problem as i try to expend my tummy. Too much
wisky and cigaret. Always the same excuse for me as
i realise this is what life ment for me. So for today did
nothing much as i wasted the day surfing and drinking.
Today's Valentine's Day and i feel happy listening to my
song 'Heey meri Gaaulae'. I have been having this thought
of whats the best to live my life since i am a unilateral
hearing impaired person. Life has been lonely for me as
i am starting to realise i am becoming more dumb as i
grow older. Which was supposed to be opposite. Since
i cant have a decent conversation i am lost in
communication and very deeply lost in my thought. How
can i change.. Its impossible.. I tried to get a hobby but
there is communication  involved. Fuck.. really hate it..
But i am still in sanity and thanks to this note book i am
still ok and keeps me company. Dont know what i would
have done if it was not with me. I am thankful i am still
ok. And one of the good things that i am likely,hopefully,
positively, will do is to cut down on the cigaret and
wiskey..I have to try and must i will cause i want more
wisdom. The most important thing i would love is i
want to have afamily. This i must and i need to plan for
my vacation and..........

0012hrs and 14/02/12

12.02.2012
1852hrs

I had a choice of going to city to buy Beer but i took
the other option and got my self a Napolean. Whisky
which is killing me inside. Cause its hot and it burns
inside. Been having wisky too much lately and i can
feel the effect thats giving me. Its part of me which
i cant stop and which i cant live without for the time
being. Beer is good but i have to go city, city that is
too far and the return is damn long. Its cold outside
too. So got the drink on credit and the last one i got
was on the 9th and its DR60 for the 2 bottle. Too
much drinking.. By the way i had like 8 days off of
the 2 weeks. And i have like 2 more off remaining.
Today is the 6th and 2 more days. Let me recall the
off days, 2,3,6,7,10,12,13,14 and 2 more days to go.
3rd went to dubai and 10 ramila came over here.

Today Chring came over and we had lunch together.
Had chicken rice and daal.. Since the chicken was
left over and the daal.. i just need to cook rice and
have my dinner..

well i dont have the mood to write much further..

0001 hrs
06/02/12

Feeling tired cause did jog and gym. Back to health
hopefully. Its my second day and i cant write much
as i am feeling sleepy. Any way 2 days off and need
to make use of this days. Will write about my Dubai
trip another time. And good news is that i feel better
as i am... But i know its going to be the same.....
I wont eloberate here but i really feel great as i did
not get medicine and i did gym instead and cooked
my dinner. I hope i can change from now on...

1741hrs
02 Feb 2012

I am ready to go to Dubai, except i changed the time to
9pm bus. Am supposed to meet Harka at 12am. So no
point going too early and getting bored waiting for him.
And here i am listening to music from youtube. By the
way youtube channel are giving problems after the
management changed a new concept for their site.
Always hangs up.. I am getting sick of it but i still go
to that site.

Ok i dont have much to say.. only when i come back
from Dubai...........

2256hrs
010212

Just came back from my sis room after having
dinner with her. She made spicy soup with
bean taafu with saucage after which frsh veg
is mixed in the soup. I had my full and it mixed
well with the rice. Since i was also very exhausted
from work. About work, i individually serviced
the FAHU motor belt, all 18 units. Every few unit
is located at different location and i had to open
the door to the unit. But before that i had to
walk from hotel to residence E to collect the key.
After which i started from Residence A. It was a
tough work under the sun. It was not so hot like
the summer since its still winter. But it was
tough. Finally i made it like around 1:30pm. And
made may way back to the hotel for dinner. And
after i had chosen my food, DE calls me to tell
me that P&C exhaust fan was not working. So i
left my food and told Mani to look after my food.
I had gone for almost half an hour and returned.
Thankfully Mani was waiting for me at the
cafeteria with my food. I was very thankful for
kind nature. He left after a while and i thank him
again. The food was horrible, daal and fish. The
daal was almost dried and i had a terrible time
swallowing the food. Than Munna also came and
we had our food. Than around 4 when i had to
go back to the residence, cause FAHU 2, 7 had
fault status in the BMS. Sasimahal called to tell
me that we had to attend the 702 complain. I
rushed back to hotel and as the room is big we
needed a 8 foot ladder but it had been missing
for sometime. So we decided to take the 7 foot.
As we entered the room the sound that was
coming from was a chill water line noise. We
than opened the air vent from the roof but it
was no use and we changed the actuator,
catridge, strainer. But the noise kept coming.
There was only one solution left. Which was
to open the test point. Problem was, it was too
far. Our hands could not reach the point.
Even if, it was too difficult to use the
adjustable spanner.So i told him, we will
handover to the morning shift. I left work
like 7:40pm. Any way i had to put the 2 hours
of yesterday as i left early at 11pm. The
reason was i did afternoon shift yesterday and
today i am morning. Any way tomorrow and
the other day i am off. I have planned to go
Dubai to meet Ramila. So tomorrow i will be
taking shelter at Harka accommodation. The
last time i was there, 14 people were sharing
a small room. 3 stacked layer bed with 2 
person on each bed. It was very cramped and
stuffy. Dont know how its going to be tomorrow.
My back hurting from the work that i did today.
Feeling tired and sleepy as well.Think i will call
it a day.

2257hrs
30/01/12

Just drinking a little to fall asleep. Not going to drink
too much like the other days. I know i rested too
much today and i cant sleep. Thats the reason why
i am drinking. I am not in the drunk stage. I am still
clear of what i am doing.

Just back than i checked my 2011 story and there is
no improvement till now. The same story and she's
still in my mind. Why?? i dont know the answer and
i cant change my mind. Guess i still want her. But i
dont say the right words at the right time. I know i
am going to insanity if i keep this for too long. How
can i change. And the only answer is.....

I know this is the life of a disabled person and misey
is the way to it. If only i can concentrate on other
things.

Tomorrow's afternoon shift and one more day to
Feburary.. Gonna be 34 and wiser i have to be.
I have enough of drinking and smoking. Its only
make your life better for some time and most of
the time back to square one.

I want to go for a puff.........
i am back and also top up my drink. Above i said
it and i am doing it. How ironic life can be for me..
Salary came yesterday and i had an increment of
75 which makes my basic 1575 and the service
charge was 790. Already 300 spent. 100 to
Ricardo for the drink and i bought one more for 30.
50 to Serlo for internet and 50 balance cause i did
not have enough in my wallet. The rest for my daily
necessity like toothpast, shampoo, food...............

And today i have highlighted my sentence. It was
there and now i am using it. 2317hrs and Rudhra is
sleeping peacefully and i batter not make too much
noise. Dont want to disturbe him as his work is tough.

Tomorrow might remit. Still thinking as the currency
have dropped and i dont know weather to send or not.
Lets see how..

well i guess i have to stop here,,,,,

2010hrs
28th January 2012


Just had my dinner which was maggie mee. 2 packet of
it and i added my last sukuti and some onion, garlic and
chilli. 3 chilli and now my stomach is burning like fire.
Should not have added that much and now i feel 
terrible. Work was ok. Cant believe the time went just
like that and 3 more days before Feburay starts. How 
the wonder of time moves so fast and one thing i 
realize insanity will be coming for me and i cant avoide
it. Think its part of my life story. Dont know why i know
and dont know why i am not trying to avoide it. Feel
like its written and i have to take it as a gift. 


So very bored and i gonna stop here.. 

2324hrs
27th January 2012

Cant sleep because i slept in the day and i was in bed
almost the whole day. Now i am trying to fight the
sleep thats already used. I am doing the wrong
cause its not the cycle of sleep. And i hope to fall
asleep cause tomorrow is a better day. And an early
bird catches the freshest worm....

Had to write half way as it did not published nor saved.
Half way was edited..

1937hrs
27th January 2012

waste, waste, waste is all i can say cause today's my
off and here i am thinking what have i done today.
Fucking wasted day and....
Well actually i did spring cleaning. The kitchen quite
shiny after some times. My fucking room mates aka
pig knows only how to fuck and shit. Well no point
to talk to such asss.. So i cleand and throw the 
garbage away. And for the record i have thrown the 
garbage almost 98% since this fucker moved in. 
And the other 2 fucker.. let me not talk about them.
One does not even know where to throw and the 
other THE Great ROMEO.. Too introvert.. Scared
someone will steal his girl, thats why always like a
magnet stick by his girl. Well i think i said too much
about them. As for me.. So fucking sick person..
thats what they might think of..MAybe.. i think..
Any way i also did the laundry.. For the record..
MAybe 4 times.. I mean the washing machine did 
that... And the rest of the day MOVIE.. What a waste
of the day.. Wait.. i did cook and it was wonderful.
I cooked Daal and Chicken and of course Rice.
That tasted soooo good. And it is for dinner too.
Yaamy.........

Ya i also opened up my luggage and looked through
my certificate...1948hrs

2009hrs
26th January 2012

Where and how to start my story. Its not easy to even start
the first sentance. The year 2010 around maybe September
I was into someone and.....
Well let me stop there cause i dont think it would be any
better in the structure of my story.

Today went to jog and gym and feeling fresh mentally and
physically. Had my dinner pack from the hotel
accommodation. Well for now want to read Naruto part
571. I have to wait every new week for a new eposide and
as the ending is coming i want to stop this comic thing.
Want to focus on other things. Chow for now..

1818 hrs
25th Jan 2012

Been drinking for the last 5 days and i just cant give up..
Bad choices in life and i cant change a thing. This year
is becoming worse as the days goes by. Well as i dont
have nuch in my head.

Ramila called last night and it was not a good situation
and let see how it will be.

Any way i am free form the feeling and i am glad i can
move on and be fresh. I look forward to life and i hope
i can make some good moves in my path. And i got the
song 'Om Mani Padme Hum' which i been looking for
since i first used internet. Its a Buddhist mantra and its
magical to listen. Its has just changed my mood and
i feel more relaxed. The simple things in life to cheish
with. Just came back from my cigaret and how nice to
live life and chrish the moment peacfully in my mind.
All i can say is i wish... to move on soon...

1833hrs
Well i just top up my glass and i re-start the song and
the intro is so magical. Makes me want to cry... Ha ha
Thats me and i have not cried... Actually its good to
shed some tears sometimes as its good to the heart and
it refresh me.

1846...
Well this is life.,..

1857hrs
22012012

Everyone has their story and i am no exceptional. My story
is, i guess.. is unique from the rest and its beautiful. No words
can describe it and action is the only proof. And you know
what, i am in that action. Ha ha.. And it me who is in that role
who is leading this A star life. Well let not self complimen too
much.

Am drinking and its makes my day even more wonderful. Its
the friend of mine who makes me happy,sad in moment of my 
time. This is the purpose of it. There is every reason for it to
be made and i wont eloberate.

Am listening to 'one headlight' and before this i found a
beautiful song by Danny titled 'Pani Hai Paryo'. Actually i
found last night while i was drinking. This song made my eye
watery. And i really love this song.

Am smoking and typing at the same time...1912hrs....

am going to buy cigaret.. my best friend afte medicine..

1931hrs
21st January 2011.

Before i start, i wanna smoke a cigaret...

Well i am back. One thing i cant give up this stupid
habit and its was a bad resolution for this year. And
i am kind of worried for the future. I know the safest
method is to stick where my place is but i just cant
forget the risk. But i dont have that option and as i
look at it i am not making any effort or what so ever.
There is lackness in everything that i do. My path
seems dimmer as the days goes by. How could i
see the changes that i wish for and how can i
implement it effictively. Maybe its just a bad thought
and wish i could just change my thought.

21 days gone and how unhappy i feel as the days goes
by without any thing in my way.

Yesterday Ramila came from Dubai with her friend and
its was reunion among the 4 of us. She is after me and
we were born in Nepal and Kopi and Munna were born
in Singapore. We had a good chat the whole day and
all the sweetest chat that i can remember. I cooked
chicken and Kopi made fishball vegetable for lunch.
We than had a home chat and family. Somethings cant
change and we had some light disagreement. In the end
we came to terms. Munna came at 5 and as for her she
made fried rice and there we were all 4 of us having
dinner together. Ramila left like before 8 as her journey
to Dubai is long and today she had work. Any ways
after that i left for my room and 2012 is a good year
and i have to think of whats good for me. I am still
in the thinking process and lets see  how it will turn out.

1950hrs and Rudhra is preparing dinner and i am
waiting for Ricardo call as i have asked for medicine.
Was suppose to call me in 1930 but till now. Nothing.
Maybe i might not be getting it if i have my dinner first.
I cant wait that long as i want to sleep early and i better
save my money. I have drank too much this month as
far as i can remember. And now lets me see my finance.

As of my record i have spent 1590 for last year
December and fucking shit what did i spent that on. I am
single and i dont think i bought something important.
Let me see what i did with that money.........
Fucking shit i have spent on...cigaret,cigaret,dont know
how many...food,food, dont know how much i ate. No
wonder i am getting fat and my health very bad. Whats
happening to me...just like my dad thats how he spent
his money. Now me.. To spent that much i have to earn
10 times that. This is bullshit of me. Is this how i am
going to live my life. Fuck i dont know what to say and
i rather not say anything. Everything i think and do is
not working. Just like my dad, say one thing and do the 
other. I need to get out of this jinxed life of mine. I dont
know what to do. But i think i better not write more of
this cause i will do more wrong instead.

2009hrs and my supplier still has not called. And i think
i will not be having today. Guess thats it for today.

19/01/2012
1924hrs


Last 2 days had too much of RED Horse a filipino beer.
It was good after so long. I mean i have been having
too much wisky and beer is like a delicasy. Any way
work is work and tomorrow off. Cant believe January
is almost coming to an end and how much have i moved.
And i can fucking not lie and i dont have to say much.
The answer lies in the latter sentance.

Just came back from gym and my jog was horrible as
my body and legs are rusty and i had to stop after like
10 minute of snail jog. I have to start this work out as
i need to be active from this slackness. Having capri-sun
mixed fruit juice that i got from the housing office. My
dinner meal. Kind of reminds me of the time in Singapore
where i was in Cedar Primary School. This drink used to
cost 50 cents and it was pure damn good and now i dont
find that same feeling any more. I guess now is like just
sip it down the throat and fill the empty part of my
stomach. How lame life is going for me. Lame lame.

Yesterday my work was like laughing from the morning
till i finished. Villa 4, i had to go there to service the FCU
and when i was servicing the Butler area FCU. I got so
pissed off cause i had spent almost 30 minute or so to
just put the filter and that was so stupid of me. And the
funnier part... I was at the cinema hall and i had just
farted and luckily the smell was not that bad. And as i
was about to leave the room, BOBO comes in and he
might have smelled something wrong and from his face
expression he was trying to find out what that smell was
as one of his job is to prevent smell from the room.
And this made me so want to laugh that i went out to
find Ricardo. I told him about every thing while enjoying
my laugh.. ha ha.. And another funny incident was Htin
was checking the rooms and telly it with the new rooms 
that we were assigned. He did it in a very uncomfortable
way as the copy was in the board and he was staring
so hard and writing it down on the table. So what do i
do. I told him 'wait Htin', and took out the paper from 
the board and placed it in the table and i started laughing.
This made him irreated i think..Well thats it for now..
Its 1952hrs.. just came back from smoke and listening to
the wallflower-one headlight................. 

2143hrs
17th January 2012

Well i am drinking Red Horse.. Filipino beer 8% man reminds
me of Carlsberg gold 8% back in Malaysis. Life is so...........
............................................................................................
.............................................................................................
Nohting working and i am fucking bullshit... I dont have much to
say