I have like only 5 minute to write cause i missed the
first bus at 7 and i am taking 730pm but to my sis
place. going for dinner. Any way it 1925hrs and
21/11/2011...
Now listening to Poison.. every rose has its throne..
And now i have like 4 minute... Its like how time
is so precious and i dont have much of it and
i have to rush. Anyu way going to log off
for now.

20/11/2011
0721hrs

Woke up 20 minutes ago and had orange and did my
shit. My head is feeling heavy from the drink that i
had last night. Finished half the bottle which is not
good for the body but when i start i cant stop till
i drop dead. Well i guess life is a party sometimes.
Very fresh early in the morning and looking forward
for the day to see how todays going to be. Listening
to singapore fm station and going to make myself
bread.....
Just finished my bread and a smoke and my room
mates going to sleep as he just came back from work
. Just to bad for him cause i am afternoon shift and
he night shift.

Well today is a special day and life moves on no
matter what. I am optimistic about it...

18-11-2011
2158hrs

Just finished my dinner, had maggi noodle. First i
boiled the water and added 'sookiti' also known as
dried buffalo meat which Ramila had sent it from
Nepal. It was very spicy as the dried meat is mixed
with all the spices and especially chilli. Feeling
very full and need to let my tummy digest before
i sleep. Just opened youtube and played 'Kaha timro
mayalui lai' a very old song which was played at
Singapore Dashin festival at the drill shed. I was
very fond of the tone and it has special memory
of the festival and other things that happened
at Singapore. Just cant believe i have become so
old but believe i have not aged at all. I know i
am lonely but what can i do except to feel as
though i am happy. I know i was lost in space and
i am trying to move and every day is challenging.
Like today while having lunch as usual i was
trying to get life and suddenly i hear a ringing
in my ear. My only one ear which is the sound
of eveything was ringing and i felt so scared as
i have read such problem and the effect is
deafness. I could feel my sight loosing cause of
the emotion i was feeling. So i quickly finished
my lunch and made my way out to avoide the
noisy environment. And the rest of the day was
one hell of a day as i could not concentrate my
work. So i bought a new cigratte and my day
was smoking all the way. Finally around late
evening i told myself. If i loose my only ear
than i will accept it. But i will try to prevent it
by seeing the doctor. Any way so far i am
feeling ok and i have not have that proble. Went
jogging and did some light exercise.

Well i think i should call it a day for my blog
and thinking of resting.

0425hrs 18-11-2011

I was awake 20 minutes ago and made myself coffee
and smoked 2 cigarette. Guess its part of my daily
dose and i have like 2 more stick left. Dont know
how will my day go without it. I still have like 2
hours left to catch the bus to work. Here i am very
freah from my sleep as i slept at 10pm in the evening
last night and i had like 5 hours of sleep. Its good
that i had a good sleep. Remembering back than i
could not sleep for like 5 days from 8th to 12th Nov.
The only time i slept was like 1 hour or 2 hour
per day. I just could not sleep than and finally on
the 4th day i had wisky to put me to sleep. I guess
i am getting back to normality. Now listening to
some hindi song just to get me in the mood.

I just dont know what else to write cause my
brain getting blank and the songs are making me
sick.... Just changed new song 'Rancid' 'old frind'
One of my classic from the past. Its pretty exciting
as the intro starts off like 'Good morning Heart ache'
. Its sure is, my heart ache.... And i guess its good
to listen to such melidious song... and after which
listen to 'crying in my beer' by 'screeching weasel'
Just so perfect for the morning life to start my
off with. '''wHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU
HAPPY'''. 'cRYING IN MY BEER'. Any way its
good that i am enjoying the song rather than
the hindi song which is too much fantasy. Really
sick of the dancing and singing,, makes life more
miserable after watching such movies and songs.
Lets live in reality.....

By the way last night around 9pm after i came back
from my sis room. I had just changed and i just
wanted to sit on my bed. As i put my ass on my bed,
on of the support from the bed rack just broke
and luckily it broke at that moment. Or else my
laptop would have smashed cause most of the
time i leave it below my bed. Lucky escape or
else i would not be writing here now. After which
i broke the remaning 2 more support and removed
it from my bed. And now my bed is just on the
floor. Its good this way cause its the changes
of the moment.

Any way the time is 0454hrs and i am going
for a smoke. Feel like i need to inhale some
smoke for now.

Well i am back from my cigarette and its one
of my best friend other than Wisky. Wish Beer
was with me but this is middle east and wisky
is more convenient than beer. You know
what i mean. Affordable and less hassel.
I feel high after that smoke and i just watch
'Rancid' concert in Japan. Thinking of making
a tatoo. I think its cool. Maybe i will when
i go vacation. I have something on my mind.

Any way the early morning going smoothly
and going to do some push ups and sit ups.
Like the saying goes 'A healthy man is a
wealthy man'. There is many defination to
this pharse, And for me is as long i am
healthy i get to see another beautiful day.
How wonderful it is to move forward and see
the events unfold in my very eyes.

0511hrs and may be i will surf till 0530 and do
other stuff cause its not good to surf too long
to.

I guess i have to stop for now and do other stuff.
Life's a life after all and its time to stop here.
Chow for now..............

1308 hrs and its 16.11.11 and its a beautiful
afternoon cause i refer back my blog from
yesterday and it gave me all the good memory
from the past even though it was not good than.
It made me so... its hard to explain but i really
felt relieved cause.. damn.., did i did all those
things. I spent a great deal of time to enjoy the
moment as i read on and on.

Any way today i am in the afternoon shift and
i hate afternoon shift but i have to relief my
colleague cause its his off. And tomorrow
i am back to morning shift.

Any way i have labelled my imagination as
'Secondary' cause its not relevant to me and
its sure is a waste of time to imagine. But
it was out of control back and thats why
i am trying my best to control it. "Secondary"
i hope to overcome you and change for sure.
It will take time but i am willing to take the
time and change. I for sure i will overcome
it cause i am changing, even though people
are very far ahead of me and i am so back
to catch up with them. But i dont regret cause
even if i am slow least i know what my
problem was. So satisfied i am and no other
words to describe myself. Thanks for this
blog that i can share myself to see who i was
back than and how far have i came in this
life. One of the most important person i
would like to thank 'HER' cause i was able
to find my weakness which i have been
trying to find for the past 32 years. And again
'HER' cause i realise i should not be afraid
even if i have an disadvantage. And again
''HER'' cause i was always in an world
of my own. Wish i could do something
about it.......................


Any way its 1325.. thats like 35 minute
more to catch my bus.. have to start
preparing to go to work....

As always chow for now...

11/11/11
11th November 2011

The second last year before this special number will
come again in a centuary time. Of course i would be
dead by than. And i feel very special to be living in this
kind of special moment. Well i hope to live even
though my obsticles are far more difficult than most
of the people. I guess this is the so called 'LIFE'. And its
gets more exciting as each days goes on. I guess the right
word is to think of it in a different way. And i am alive
and kicking................................................

319am 7th of November

I have over came my fear of my life. Lonelyness is
what i will face. But i realise i must try my very
best to have less imagination or it will kill me.
So far tell you the truth i am really hurt but its
good that she has someone who makes her happy.
Is it not what i had wanted for her. It is and i will
cry as well as smile. Its the sacrifice a man has to
give in moment like this. In this i found out who
i am and one of the important thing for me is to
reveal myself or fight for myself. Since i have no
one than i have to be strong. I dont know how my
life will move from here. BUt lets see in the
coming days thats will come and if not i will
decide. I just dont want to be crazy or die for
nothing. I have survive one of the crazyest things
that have happened to me so far from my moving
life and i cant stop here. But something tells me
i might quit this job and go back. Lets see how?
Well this is it for now. My life moves on but
in a different way hopefully.

0841am

31st October 2011, last day of the month and 2 more month
before 2012. How time moves and how far i have come.
Listening to Warrent "Haven". It an old song from the 90's.
Brings back memories of the days that i used to...
Kind of not sure what i did but for sure this was the song
that i listened and one of the first english song that i listend
to. I mean i was very young than maybe less than 10 years or
maybe a bit older. Well its sure is wonderful to listen to it
and what better way to cherish it than to be listening to it.
And by the way my local leave started from 27th Oct and it
will end on the 7th Nov. I am enjoying the vacation and its
been going smoothly. 28th celebrated 'Tihar' and it was a
joyus occassion. Kopila and Sarita put 'Tika' and it the bond
between us thats keeps me going on. And not forgetting
dolly in Nepal. We chatted on skype and its wonderful to
be united even if we are far apart. Well got to shut down
the notebook for now... and i will be back again...

The time 2338 and date 2nd of October..
My 1st day of annual leave by which actually extra off and off than
will the AL starts. Any way it does not matter cause i am already
starting my off. Well what can i say... it did went pretty well as
the day went smoothly. Now still surfing the net since the whole
day. Least i did went jogging which has made me a bit more
healthier compared to if i had not went jogging. Kudos to me..
I mean sometimes its good to self compliment. Any way i dont
know when i will be able to sleep cause i did slept in the afternoon
and i am still feeling very much fresh. Hope i will write a history
for today cause its been very very long since i have blogged.

Ok now chewing gum at this hour, my mouth was itchy so just
chewing for the sake of it.

Just smoked a cigarette and here i am. How time tick away and
it already 2359. going to surf cause i am kind of blank for now.

Well as for me this is enough for today..

08/09/2011 2131hrs

First of all before i start,,,, i just like the number 13...
How much must i complain in my life... is it the fate of the
chosen ones... i just want to live a normal life,, is it too
much for asking??? finally the time for 'out of sight, out
of mind' is coming... Can i be stronger after this?? i doubt...
I know where ever i go i will find the same fucking problems..
So whats the answer for me... i dont know and i dont even
want to know.. i want to think no more... i just want to get high
and sleep...

Just cant imagine i came to this time... 34 just round the corner
and i just cant stop time and my heart beat just goes on..
do i feel happy about it... i dont really know the answer...
i just try to live..

how long must i think....

an early morning time 0639 060911 and i am as fresh as the bird.
Having black coffee and surfing the net with singapore fm station
Thinking of cleaning the room and staying fresh. The radio's playing
some good music and its making my early day looking good. Like
i say its the mood thats matter and lets see how the day will end.
So much has happened till now and how much i have thought of
my life has come so far and i dont know if it will actually have an
affect and will it really change. But most of the time its just a
repetance of my damaged thought. Its just repetance and i know
it but its just repeate and i just cant help it. Its just out of control
will be a perfect defination. Just let the thought do its part cause
its job is its own. Than later on i will try to compromise and do
my part to change and balance my self.

9 month is left for my vacation and i hope i will hang on till than.
I have to do it and i believe its the way of moving forward.
How time has moved to fast and how i wish to do so much
but...

I dont have much to say cause my minds like empty and
i guess thats it for this..

07/08/2011
1355pm..

I cant seem to live without blogspot. Its been

Time 0052 17th July 2011....

How time moved so fast and where am i?
Finally i realise who i am and i can do nothing
about it. How can i change whats wrtitten for me?
Hate it but i have to live it. Do i have a choice?
Really really hate it...
Tried to sleep but just could not enter the dreamland
and here i am in cyber land surfing. Best part i made
myself a coffee that i had bought in the evening.
Am not planning to sleep cause the saying goes
sleeping is a waste of time. So i will drink coffee
all night long and surf.

Here i am, and how i forgot to... you know what
 i mean. 18th June 2011 time 0320.. cooking...
Came from gym and making my food before bed.
Life is going smooth and learning and researching
who i am. Good that i am improving.. i think..
Least i have not forgot this site..
Looking forward for my sis, she will be coming
on the 23rd and i am pretty excited.. Any ways i
dont have much to say and i will end it here..

210am 15th May 2011

After countless days of drinking, here i am very fresh
from the gym. Did a thread mill jog and a bit of
workout. I was not expecting this day to come but
it did. So much has happen and too many thought
in the mind. Its too difficult to control the mind and
it gets out of hand most of the time. Cant control it
and cant hear clearly. This is why i have difficulty
releating to conversations. How same things am i
going to write and its the same with my thoughts.
Its spinning the same thing round and round with
a bit of changes here and there.

As a kid when i was like maybe 10 (dont know
exactly what age or the period) together with my
sister we used the sofa to built house and played
around. The sofa had 10 set, big one had 6 set of
sofa and the other 2 had 2 set each. How fond
memories to remember now cause thats how our
childhood had been spent and thats not all. There
are others memory too. Its just too difficult to
explain in sentances and words. Hope i can write
it more better the next time.

Its 222am and i think i need to get another
water melon. This was bought by my room mate
Arvin and its almost drying up cause its been in
the fridge for almost 5 days (maybe). Any way
i know it will end up in the garbage so i tried it
and its fresh as it just been cut from whole. Only
the outer area looks dry and stale. So excuse me
for a while i need to get a slice cause i had cut it
just before i started typing. Am back and its very
juicy and i just happen to see an orange that i had
bought back 3 days ago, my hotel meal. Guess its
going to be vitamin C for my supper...

Listening to 95m from Singapore and it classic
hits for the night.

Thats all for today, surfing wikipedia.com

08-05-11

Life going smoothly and am hearing
'i was born this way' sounds true...
Ok nothing much just that audit is starting
tomorrow and lets see how it goes.
Good night for now.

0133 and 4th of April.

I always had this weird feeling of number 13 back in
Malaysia. It had always been a bad number from people
thinking. And my employment number was 00113 in
VS industry. I always had difficulty with it cause the
number always appeared. Like my time the street and
other areas. I used to think i was jinxed than and now
sometimes i come across it and i have the same feeling
with this number. Guess my thought has not changed.

Later my best friend Roya Stag is coming may be 4..
Lets see... Need to some to my A/C too. Never too late
than never cause it will be handy when the time comes.
Listening to Blink 182 and enjoying the music.

Will be trying to have an early night.. Well i guess this
is growing up.... By 182..

Good night  :-)

P.S- Life goes on....

time is 0326 and its 29th April 2011..

April is ending and May round the corner and wow..
How things moves and i am very fresh cause i came
back from gym and i am very focused and its a good
thing. Wish it was like this every day but it aint
a fairy tale. Have to cherish and hope for it and hope
it happens more often. Just made myself a noodle
cause need to feed my tummy cause without it
my brain will not work and my life might stop.
Its a chain cycle and its good. Just had it and it
tastes sooo fantastic.

Any way salery came and its 2562. Maybe the last 2
digit is not so precise cause i cant access my account
cause its blocked cause i wanted to try to add a icon
for phone credit access. But i couldnt remember my
security question and it jammed my account. Tried
to call the bank but half way it ended cause my credit
ran out. Well i can only access it tomorrow when i
top up credit and call again. But for the first 2 number is
absolutely correct.

My noodle is almost finished and i can feel that its
not enough for my tummy and i might cook one more.
Ya i will cook now.

I am back and my noodle is ready.. Just need to mix the
noodle and the ingrident.
The noodle that i am having is Indo Mei-Fried noodle
Mee Georang.
The good thing about is that 'Its fast to cook and good
to eat'. A famous 'Maggie Mee' Quato.
Any way enjoying it.

I was supposed to be studying about my A/C theory..
But here i am..

Well this is for today and i will be logging off from
this.

the time 1343 and date 26-04-11

Life is going on and i had nightmare yesterday and
i am a bit scared of the dream i had.
And i  am trying to live a better place.
Bye for now.

24th April 20111...

Well i am a new man and i live a strong person.
New mission and a better life.
too much things to achieve.
So i move.

Well i left for the beach after work. And i threw it  away
the feeling for her cause i know it wont work. I will
only hurt you more when you are with me. I realise i cant
love you cause i am almost damaged. I realise it so
late that i am miserable and i cant do anything about.
Wish i could leave this place. May be i can using other
alternative. Later need Royal Stag. And it will be.
Nothing more to write except... 

1334hrs

I have like 20 more minutes to leave for work. Kind
of feeling bored and lazy. Not much improvement
at work. I try hard but lazyness and habitual is lacking
my way. ok i dont feel like writing anymore.

1336 and getting ready to leave for work.

New day to start with and looking forward to better.
Well i know it will come back to the same thing.
Least i am playing my part.. ha ha

Very fresh and it a sunny afternoon to begain the
day with. Thinking of nothing much and thats it
for the day,

17th April 2011
0309 hrs

Cant sleep, got up and had my shower and now surfing.
Well life seems too impossible to adapt. But i will
keep trying and i need more inspiration and a positive
attitude. I hope i will move on and on. The music is
kind of nice and making me up.

Life is going on and few days back i downloaded my
voice journal and kind of made me smile and stupid.
Same things repeated every day and the silly things
i did. Was a memory and i have come this far and i
dont know if i have changed at all. I feel as if back
than was better than now cause i feel as if this time
is worse off than that time. Always in trouble than
now as if i have no life at all. Only thing is i now
know who i am and why was i unique. But i cant
change a thing about it. Too depressing and
frustration. Lets see how far can i go on.

Ok so when i was sleeping and i was trying to think
of a paradise of greenary. Trees, grasses, animal and
all other nature. I was trying to put my self at that
location and live the moment. But the mind so
messed up that it wondered to other area. Tried
hard but no success and instead 4 Roya stag appeared.
Later i thought what could it be releating. And i assume
since i am not fincally able and cant return back or move
on to other area the only way for me to calm was the
4 Royal Stag. Am accepting it and lets see what happens
cause now its 324hrs and if i can make it in the morning
i will go and get it. My only friend for my life cause
only it understand it. Although it ruins my health it
really makes me happy. I dont care what tomorrow may
come i live for the moment. Cause for tomorrow to
come you have to live for the moment.


I guess i ought to log off for now... i will leave for the
other days to write and while i will surf for relexation.

Now 905am and i am all set to go to the city to get my
energy drink. Its a necessaty for a man like me. Have
not slept from yesterday and its going to be like 24hrs
if i come back on time. And hopefully i am going to
sleep than. I am happy and life goes on and i feel very
positive and looking towards for the days of my chapter
of my role play in an everyday life. Smells fresh and
ohhhhhh.. Its going to be a toxicating for the next 2 days..
ha ha.. singing too... and not forgetting cooking..
got to go..

12th was gone and 13th

Today was Benidicto Junior and Thia farewell and
i am sure very happy for them espically B.J. I am
proud and wish i had said something but i was not.
Well i guess i am dumb and useless. Ok no regrats,
least i was there cause no use regretting. i will cherish
the time we worked and it was one of my happiest
time that i had enjoyed my time. Best of wishes to you
and so long...

My verdict...
I am ok..
I just need my 3 Royal Stag...
Need to enjoy..
Than work hard...
Life has a road map..
Need to find it or make it..
Good night..

336am
I think what am i?
Why?
What must i do the wrong thing every time.
I know i hurt you even deeper.
Thought it was better for the both of us.
Than i come back and i really hate myself.
It would have been better if i could have
put a smile on your face.
You dont deserve this and so do i.
I could have changed and you could have
been my angle.
Even devil need affection and so do i.
So what do i do next??
Should i start a different approach cause
everyone is ment for someone.
You would have accepted it too.
Cause we are suffering in silence and
i am not doing much.


I will try one more time to take your
heart and if it does not work..
I know it will work cause you are
very hurt i can feel it cause i am
getting messages,,, like my finger got
hurt and its just not a finger, its the one whose
veins is closest to the heart.
Will try to put a smile on later and i know i can.
Cause we are ment to be together......


Good luck to me and please dont do something
carzy cause you are a strong lady.

5th April 2011..

I am flying... i am listening to music by Rod Steward songs.
Its not that i am particularily listening to it, it just appeared
from the bunch of songs that i am playing. Now i just forward
it and the next is 'November rain'. Dont think i need to mention
artist cause its a classic and one of the best of the 80's. Ok..
So here i am todays my off and i am trying to make it as
meaningful as i can cause i was almost insane yesterday cause
sometimes it happens and i guess my faith saved me from it.
And i am happy that i am not going to the city to buy 'poison'.
I mean alcohal for the fact. Its good thing that i am trying to
change cause.. Well lets see for this section. Cause action
speaks louder than words.
|Its almost 1014am and i am feeling hungry.. need to do some
sopping.. so gonna log off for now.

Well yesterday 24th March i cut my hair to 13 cm in lenght
and its going to be like that for almost 6 month. Need to do
some changes like the season.. Now doing some light exercise
cause i need to and its part of me.. thats all for now..

Well its late at night or better early morning.. 0143am
if you know what i mean. just came back from work
and am ready to bed soon and thought of surfiing
before i move ahead and here i am..
Lately been playing TT. and  i dont know if i am
improving or becoming worse cause from the games
that i had played so far. Its totally different cause some
times i am doing great and sometimes i play like i just
started playing. I dont know what kind of skill i should
call it?? It just that whoever i play with my skill will
copy the other person skills. So its like a replica of the
other skill.

Any my life is cool this time round guess i am controlling
my emotion myself cause others emotion comes from
other sourses. Well i think i must try to master this
skill cause its will be very useful compared to others as
this is a bonus skill that i guess i have. Lets see how far
i can go with it and how much i can improve it. Its life
after all. Tomorrow is a challange and i have to face it
and move on and the only way to life is live and move
on. Always look forward and never look back and stop
sometimes cause that is the time to accept the stop.
Its life cause there needs to be some break time too.
It part of life and part of every one.

Good night for now  and i need to sleep cause like i
said 'stop' is important to every day life. Do i have to
say more than this...

Well some of my mobile phone photos

27th Feburary 2011
time 12:52

how time flies as before i started to write this i was thinking
it was 2010.. My mind is not following the current affair and
i guess i must have to buck up my thoughts and move and
catch up with many things that i have missed so far. Now let
me go to youtube for some show.

I am back and just watched a Coca Cola advertisement. It
tell the story of how this drink can change the atmosphere
in a communnity of people. Its actually more of a marketing
theme to grab the attention of people and the viewers of the
TV and giving a message that coke is a offical choice for the
world..

Well again i am checking the other ads..
I am heating the Daal and am going to have my lunch..
||||||||Guess  this is it for today..

Well started my internet connection on the 17th Febuary and its
going smoothly.. need to learn more from the www..
chow for now..

050211 time 810pm..

Ohoooo... whats life...
Here i am trying to write some if i can.. See how far can my
finger works.. Been a long time since i have typed anything...
I dont really feel like typing cause i dont have the mood..
What i hoped for the days to come.. thought i would concentrate
my work and catch up with the things that i have missed in work
life.. but i now realise i ended up nothing to this far.. It just too
tough catch up with the last 33 years.. maybe i try to be normal
.. but i dont think i can i am saying and doing something else..
How do i chang.. its crap and bullshit....

Really hate and i am banging hard on the key board.. feel like
smashing the computer,,, but i cant cause its not my property..
i dont even have a computer at home,, could have bought but
i dont know where i spent the money.. every month i end up
spending around 1000 and i dont know what i spend it on...
Cant believe i am this jinxed.. till now..


Forget about the above and let me start something new.. But
what can i start off with... let me open youtube.com and listen
some songs.. yeaa i am in and surfing.. kind of pressed THE
CLASSIC. one of my favourite korean film... its loud and
its making me inspirational.. but can i write something...
Let see..

Tomorrow my shift is afternoon and i need to go early to
do "the Project"... For one month 2hour of O.T to finish
the 240 plus rooms to clean the filter for my side.. and for
the plumber side they are reparing the tap... an dfloor runner
i have no idea..

Fuck i dont think i can write..

NOw i am listening to John Denver classic... Country road..
Making me hight,,,

|Thats it.. i am done using th youtube..

17th January 2011 and its cloudy outside, possibly going to
rain. How life is going on and the guilt and hurt that i am
feeling inside me. I feel like that i need tobe strong to go on
cause its life after all and in some point of life things happens for
a reason and i have to seize it cause its mine i guess. Just finished
doing gym and i am looking forward to kill the 2hours left for me to
go to work. Well what else can i say but to be able to say the right
words and the action... Ok cant think of much and i want to stop here

27th December 2010 and i am at my sis hostel.. Tomorrow hers flight
to Nepal after like 2 years of work here. Just came back from Boling
centre after our dinner at the Chinese restaurant. Her bf joined us.
After we had a pool game and arcade game. Well i am gonna miss her
for a month and i wish i could go with her. But my turn will come soon
and i have to be patience cause life will come when my turn will come.
any way i am happy that i will be able to look forward to my life thats
coming to.. Well thats all for now as my time to spend here is limited.
Any way chow.. and i will write for sure...

26th december 2010, christmas just over.. Well there is like 5
days to 2011 and i am looking forward to lot of changes in
my life if it is possible. I HAVE to cause i am not leading a
normal life. Any way my sis is going vacation on the 28th
and i am in her room to help her pack up and take some of her
stuff. Any way i am very angry with myself casue i cant
do things that i am thinking of. How useless can i be. I have to
change. Till next time..

30th November 2010 and tomorrow is going to be December
last month of 2010.. i have like 2 more days of off and today is
not included. Which makes 3 days of leave.. Its good to have
rest but whats the use if i dont have much interseting life that i
can say of. Ok like i have much to nag about. The price for
an hour of useage is 5drm and its not cheap. I have to make best
use of the money. I finally realise why i was so different from
others cause my right ear is not functioning and thats why i was
acting different from my early age.. And this has become a habit
 and its tough to change it since i am 32 now and the 32 years i
have acted this way and i dont think it will be easy to suddenly
change to a new person. I dont know why it took so long to
notice myself. Am i stupid or maybe i was concentrating on my
gambling and i was trying to be normal but instead everything
was going very bad. Because of this ifound my problem. Huh....
Well what i felt was i needed someone to understand me and
care for me. But i acted strangely along the way and my thought
for her.. like i was going to emberess her and i am always out of
topic.. I could not even greet her for her birthday.. least i could
have done even if she dont like me.. Some how i think i did stood
a chance.. and i have wasted it and i guess i have to accept the
reality and try to change my life. If i ever have to chance to know
her i will really appreciate her cause how long am i going to stay
this way.. this miserable life of mine.. I just wanted a normal life
but cause of my deafness normal is becoming disastirous.
Why was i so slow to recognise this madness. Thats why may be
she was my answer and.. Aahh.. i really hate myself..
2 more days to spend and
back to work... i just went to gym after like 3 or 4 week of
absence. I have to start doing gym to fill my gap and to be fresh
of my self.
There is like 40minute  left of my hour. and i have to write more
cause i have been MIA for so long and .... I guess i have to take
a lot of  my time to chabge for the better.. I have finished my reading
of the novel 'The Wrecker'. Finished it like in 15 days.. one of my
good record.. Am not proud of it cause if i had done this back when
i was younger,, i would have changed my destiny. ANy way no regrats
but i have to do something about it.. Any now surfing you tube.. any way
i hope my self the best ...good luck..

Ok.. cool.. well todays 3 days off.. cool huh..

Well tomorrow's her B'day and i am still in silence of it. Dont hve the
guts and the confidence of facing the,, For sure i am gonna drink
tonight to fill my sorrow and my loneliness cause thats who i am and
how the hell am i ever gonna change my... Any way i have dont much
yo say cause i am not in a situation where i can say what i like cause...
Least i am happy that i am still writing.. Drinking tonight and hope to
have a good time alone,...

25th November 2010 and what can i say...
I finally am able to write something after like may be
3 month of absence... I kind of forgot to write and least i can say is that
i finally found out the dilemma thats been revolving around me and
what can i say that am i a fool or what?
Why did not i think of it before.. may be i never felt that way and i was
focusing on something that was far from reachable...
I dont know what the outcome is going to be like thats coming my
way???

Any way life still moves on and i will write more the next time..
P.S- I have to strive harder and change new direction...

11/10/10

10/10/10 was yesterday and  i was not able to write due to lack of net access.
By the way it was also  t hotel staff party which i really enjoyed getting drunk.
Its been such a long time that i have enjoyed. I guess i will remember when i refer
this later on in the days that will come and i guess i am loosing my creativity cause
i cant seem to write more than this. And i will be ending my sentance pretty soon.
Need to go back to cook and i guess this is life and survival is necssary for human.
Chooaw for now.

Well well 7th September 2010 time 7:40pm. I think i was lost or i
was not doing what i had to do. So much had happened for the
days that i had not written and i dont know where to start and
i wont be able to write as the way it should have been.

I dont know exactly where to start with and i dont feel like
starting...

Lost of words and lost of mind,,, loosing my life and i dont know
how deep i am lost and my precious sight is making my life even
harder..


Ok cool is the word i am using for right now. Just chat with sis
and used the cool words too often. and the topic will be 'cool'


2 days of my off and back to work. one day gone and one more
left and i believe it will be very interesting with chhring and the
guys.. planning to go to the beach..actual plan is to sun tan.. ha ha
for me.. but i think the guys will not like it..


Ramadan is coming and i wish all the muslim in the world a wonderful
Ramadan and a joyus occassion..

well thats all for today.. next time i will try to writ more.. hopefully..

27th July and its a very early morning.. 211am exactly. Just finished
watching a movie titled 'The Ringer'. Its a hilarious movie involving
disabled people. Had fun watching it cause it was funny and romantic.
The lead actor had pretended to be disabled to complete in the
olympic for the disabled. In between he falls for the volunteer who is
helping the disabled. It was sure fun watching the movie after a week.
Well currently i gave up the remote control for a couple as i believe
they need some privacy. So here i am taking my time to write something.
As far as my days is going on, the first of the next month i will be
attending my orientation after 2 month. I am not exactly looking
forward to but just take as it.Got like 3 more days to night shift and
it will be seeing the day light of day shift.


So how do i start it. August 07 i left early in the morning after i
said my last good bye to my friends. I had just carried my bag with
a few cloth. I took a cab to the bus stop and wondered at the city
for sometimes wondering what i would do as i was pretty lost. I made
my new card and got it. later on i tried to withdraw the cash but it was
not setteled yet. So i was thinking what i would do? Finally around
early afternoon my luck changed and i withdraw my last pay around
1100.. I took my lunch and snacks wondering around thinking. I
bought some tickets for the time. Called Dhurba and told him i will
be taking the 4pm bus. I boarded the bus and i tried to leave behind
my misery hoping for a new chapter of my life. I was not excited now
was i nervious. I was confused and well i dont have any words to
explain it. The journey reached the bus interchange for a short break
for food and toilet. I had my supper and i headed back to the bus.
There the driver shifted me to another bus for the direct route to KL.
Well as the passanger was not much they wanted to shorten their
journey and cost. So my ride coninued and i was on my road to
my new destination. I reached the terminal at around 8 plus. I called
my friend and wondered around the new city. I took U41 bus from
just opposite china town and it was one long journey. I reachd
Sungai long around 11 plus and had my dinner at the indian stall.
As i was having my food Dhurba arrived and we headed back to
the room. It was a small room and my first meeting with Bikash.
Well my new life started from that night.. Till than the next eposide
will be stated in my coming times...

Was me just posing for the picture...

Well this is me.. just posing for the picture.. location is at the presidential place..

This is the second biggest Mosque in United Arabe Emirates.. Taken from the top of the tower of Sangrila Hotel Abu Dhabi in the early morning.

24th July 2010 a very early morning at Abu Dhabi the time
617am and i am at work. The situation is not much of a
busyness so just surfing and what better way to write my
blog. My data reading at's 7am and i have like quite some
time before i am on my move to do other stuff's. Well
cant say much of late things as nothing so special cause
i am wondering of how i will be spending my time the
next days and days. Just so can the will be of other way
of the way how we do things.

Any way one of my lyric for my new song will be like...

'Its been since a long time
since i saw you.
Wish you were here
with me

Days of my lonely days
Spending my time
all alone
thinking of you

This's guitar's my only friend
singing my song
wondering if i
ever see you again.
.
.
.
I wish i was strong enough
to say the words
thats in my mind
to you


This is one of my songs thats i have written and i hope
do write more songs.. hopefully

Morning 1034am and its 22nd July 10. Just finished doing
gym and was making my move back to my room and i just
remembered to use my blog and i came back and lucky
enough the computer that can be accessed was not occupied.
Actually the computer room was empty best describes it. And
as i had mentioned earlier that i know how to use the new way to
access this blog and it did work. Ok so far i had uploaded my old
article which was way back a week ago.. i think..
Well i have nothing much to say and i will or must have cook lunch
cause the breakfast that i had in the morning is gone from the gym
that i had did. So need to re energise before i sleep. If not i will
not be able to sleep. Speaking of this a few days ago it
was almost 12pm and i had just fallen asleep for maybe 5 minute
and i suddenly woke up due to empty stomach. The feeling was
so bad that i quickly cooked instant noodle and hurriedly gubbled
it down my throat.So you see i have to eat or else i will have to
wake up again half way and my sleep spoiled. Well i just
remembered that my aircone is down and its 2 days.. Dont know
if its good for my breathing cause there was insident in Malaysia
where people had died in their sleep. The reason was that due
to lack of air flow in the room and the heat, had caused the person
less oxygen. And this was why people died in their sleep. Well
here is almost the same insident and best part is that the
temperature is even higher that Malaysia will less humidity. So
maybe ..... I dont know let me not talk about it. OK.. Almost
1050am and i can feel a bit hungry.. gonig off soon and make
myself chicken dish and rice for lunch. Ohhh.. my mouth almost
watery as i think of it. Ok chow.. going off.. 

ok here i am and i can say i am loosing interest in what

i am doing. But do i have a choice? No is the answer and
i have to carry on what i am doing and what i studied for.
Have to stick to it for some time as there is no other way
out due to my wrong choices in my history of my 32 years.
And best of all my finance... Dont know what i am doing
sometimes cause half my age is gone and maybe half my
brain is dead too. This i think could be the answer cause
my experience is not working well on me in my life.
Especially the one who i was thinking of asking. Still in
my dream land and the feeling i felt for and the feeling i
wanted to show..Guess i wont be able to express it. Cause
i feel i dont have what it takes to be a gentleman to ask.
Any ways she has someone who was waiting for her and i
dont think its nice to be the devil and snatch her. But
what can i do i feel helpless cause its the eye that had
sight on her and i think i will not be able to vanish her
thought from my memory. Cause you know the
brain is a weak part of our entire body as it is the one that
keep reminding us of that particular image or insident.
And than the weak part comes into action,, you know the...
HEart... SO sickening.. Really hate my self for loving you
especially when i cant even say it to you. So just does nt
makes any sense. Why me me me... Well feel like
running away but why this situation. I have to work and
do some responsibility from my side.
Any way i hope to erase it by end of this month cause my
shift changed and hopefully i can cope my job as well.
Many things to do in my remaining life and of course i
have to cherish this wonderful life that i have and of course
my sis and dad and mom. LIfe goes on and i will be off
tomorrow and likely i will be gong to the city to have some
sightseeing and to look around Abu Dhabi City. Although
the place is like a furnace its good to be in new environment.
I need to erase the thought and by the way i am listening my
HEE DAE KO BATO one of my original classic whaich i
composed in Malaysia. Its sure is good thing that i got a
guitar from my sis but there is no improvement in my
composing of songs.Cause i have only composed one
song in all this one month. Its a disgrace and i really hate
my self any way the title of my song is AUUTAA KHAATHA
CHA. By the way its not fully composed and the tune is
still need to fine tune it. See how snail i am. I just hope i
can forget and i must. Any way tomorrow will be going to
city and need to buy hard drinks cause need to sober myself.
Cause i am a man. By the way i just for some how thought
of the future. I know i will get married someday and i really
dont know who my lovely wife would be?? And if you just
happen to read this.. Dont be angry or over reactive cause
this is my life and i am just writing down my feeling and my
problems of my life cause i have no one to share with. So
just writing it down was the best way for me. Any way i
am kind of tired and the time here in UAE is 1:40am and
i need to be heading to hostel cause tomorrow morning need
to go gym need to trim my body cause i dont like to look fat
and i love to sweat and do tough training. Well thats all for now
cause its late. BY the way i wanted write on my blog but
could not open it as the site is difficult to open and the admin
might have blocked the site. Any way will be pasting it in my
blog when i visit my sis or the hotel computer. Lets see how
whichever comes first. Today is 6 July a very early morning.
Going off soon,,,,

Well a good morning and i am in a rush cause i will be
taking the morning bus to hostel. Its almost 821am
and i cant write much as i dont have much time. ok
now i know how to post blog the other way. ok
making my move.. chow for now

Well been some time for now that i have not written.. Any way i will always
try my best to write something down.
Ok let me say something about Abu Dhabi.. Its actually a desert and all round
what you can see are sands.. very fine sands. |You wont be able to see any rain
fall may be once or twice a year cause i am still new here. But since this place
is rich in oil, the money that came is being used very wisely by the ruler since
the discovery around (ithink 1940s to... not too sure). And where there is
money to be made there will be people looking for better prospect in life. And
thats why the country is developing very fast. And speaking of developing, they
have spend a lot in greenery. Imagine greenary in a desert where the ground is not
fertile and where there is no rain at all. Well the only answer is technology. ANd
this technology is after all money. ANd now its very better off in some parts of the
places. The only thing that i like about UAE is the greenary. Well lets see how
far can this country go. ANy way thats about for now.

well its been 4 days since my arrival and its kind of very hot from the rest
of the region that i have been to. Its like almost 50 degree and luckily the
accommodiation is airconditioned. If not i can tell you i will be rosted in
this kind of environment.Well work is so far not tough cause of my
back ground but its nice to be here. So chow for now

well 1st June will be making my way exit from Nepal and going to
Abu Dhabi. Long sentance make it short, I am going there.......
Well kind of bored cause how much hours and minute and
not forgetting seconds are left for me to cherish my time here. It
only when i am there that i will start missing home. But a man got
to do what a man got to do. I feel half hearted and i am going on
a journey which i dont know whats it' like and have not thought of
it much cause i dont know exactly what the outcome is going to be
like. Well i Have to go and lets see the world out side asia. Middle
East here i come. Good Night.. Before i stop,, i called all the guys
my last call and the lucky guys to be here are, Harka, Nan,
Rajendra(Barns), Biray, Surya Samba, Pralhad, Sensa.. And of
course i gonna miss my family... So with a smile on my mind i will
be boarding my flight at around 20hrsplus and reaching there on the
2nd of June around 3hrs plus. So i write my last blog in Nepal
before i get out of Nepal.  So bye bye for now.

Hey 30th May and 12 more days for the inagural World Cup to be
offically opened in South Africa. Am i excited? No not really but
it is a 4 yearly competition for the countrys to participate so just
join in the mood cause this is how things works. Ha ha. Unless
there is other alternative. Well so how? Any way i dont have a
favourite team but if i have to choose the country that have
qualified than i would choose... um.. ok let me take Argrntina.
Although i dont really like them recently, where as when i was
younger i used to. I really am changing my perspective of this
kind of lame games cause this money pocketers are sucking up
the money from the commoners just to entertain the world. And
Best of all the cheque they are taking back are like so huge that
i dont think i will be able to earn my life time. I mean their monthly
cheque compared to my whole life work. So unfair. Its like a circus
which i think is pretty pair to the society where as the football is
like 80K people crammed in a single stadium and see 22 monkey
runnin for a ball. And if there is casuealty the 80K idiots which
jinx fools is going to die without any compensation. See what i mean.
Does it make any sense? Well this is just my comment thats all no
hard feelings. Well forget about that and something new.

Well nothing to say for now.

Well i will be sleeping now..

1109pm...

Uugghhh... I dont think i am that sleepy so why not waste time
writing something down. If it make sense or nonsense, i will just
try to write something. How fast time passes each and every
single day and suddenly you are like WHAT!!! Well this is reality
for every one not only those with big careers. Ya their only
advantage is that their is a bit of a bit advantage. You know what
i mean. After all everyone has a role in this world weather you are
a sinner or a saint. Time never stops and an act is always playing.
Its just part of human life. Some die early som die late, some are
lucky some jinx, some are always trying some need not. It just
part of ones life. So there is so many factor to think that some just
live life.. Well i am that fellow and i will do great things someday.
In terms of great which means what every one has been doing till
now cause the action which has happend already by others will
be great to me cause i have not experienced it yet. So for them is like
'what so great about it...." And for me is like 'Wow i am so and so.."
Than when new generation comes it will be for me 'What so great.."
Uugghhhh.. Understand what i maean. As of what i have written
a bit of it is sense and a bit of it is nonsense. See what i maen but
it is sure fun to write somrthing down. May be lets see how well it
goes later on.. Now's 1124pm and there is like 36 minute to
midnight. And Ramila just laugh ha ha and said 'How many times'
Well as the time passes so does our days of our rich lives. Most of the
time i am frustrated and so does everyone but when the time for the
lives stops that's when our priceless live stops and how much experience
is experienced in ones life. That's why they say 'Live your life like if
there is no tomorrow'. 

29th May 2010  1046pm

I am so fresh that i dont think i will be able to sleep the whole
night as i just woke up 30minute ago. I had fallen asleep from
watching television after dinner around 8pm. It was not agood
habit as this has affected my sleep at night. For the past few
month since arriving back to Nepal i have been sleeping very
late at night after mightnight. Sometimes almost when the
sun is almost rising. Its just that i am so sick back in my country
that affecting my lifestyle. I try to adjust myself but due to too
much outside of Nepal caused me to feel this way. Now i will
be going out again any moment soon and i think i will be lost
in my search for career. Its not something big as i am doing
some jobs which i think will not lead me far but just survival.
In the end i have to come back to Nepal and get lost again.
I really hate it but this is how i have to face every now and
than. I dont know how my job will lead me this time or how
i will lead my job. This is something i have been fighting
for cause i am in some shit which has made me do a bit
of this and a bit of that. Well 32 is a big age and i think its
sweet to be sweeter and am happy about it. Like my dad
used to say "Do something and Die".. I am doing something,
and the only thing is am i doing the something??? Well i
dont know if its the choices i made wrong or the lack of
seriousness that i lack. Or is it the passion that i lack. Well
32 is a very difference as i look at people around me. Maybe
maybe.. later on.. Abu Dhabi here i am going to come.
I am not so enthusiastic or am very proud that i am coming
there but i will say i made some good choices and some to
write in my resume or my life story. I am not so proud and
am not emberessed that i am starting a job that is expected
of my study case.. well let just say i made a right choice with
the help of my sis. Thanks and looking forward to the flight
as everything is cleared from the interview to the visa, insurance
and the clearance from Nepal Foreign Employment. Just
waiting for the e-ticket for the flight.
Back to where i am now, will i be able to sleep? I have to
cause no choice and i will try to. Ha ha.....

Well well its been very long after all.. May be i am getting bored or..
i dont know.. Well firstly i feel i am not improving on this blog or
what.. Ugghh.. Never mind.. Try to write somrthing rather than
nothing.. So as far as i can say i am not in good moods lately cause
too much time wasted and nothing learned i can tell. DOnt care is my
attitude which makes me sulk.

Well looking forward to some things.. ANd trying to write more..
Next time hopefully..

Well as far as i can say its been so long since i have typed...
So far so good and life is going on smoothly and i am happy
to be able to say something. So lets see how things will
work out...

Well now almost midnight which means 25th of March...
Returned on 19th around 4 plus local time and its great
to be back home after so long and i am on top of the world..
No regret time to move ahead cause long road ahead to
conquer.. Well its been 5 days and i am helping out at
home plus winter almost over least experiencing the
cold climate fading.. Well lets see what i am going to do
for the later part.. ok chow for now...

Well a new day and i am very fresh.. I just bought a new
spectacles which cost me 310 and the vision is very blurry
due to my old glasses that i have been wearing.. I mean it was
kind of old like 5 years old and due to the bad clearity my
sight have been bad. Ok so far so good, had to say no choice
if not the mood will follow the bad side so being positive is
a good thing..

Now almost 1913hrs 6th of Feburary 2009 and i am surfing the
net to pass the one hour mark.
Nice pictures i am checking out.. And it brings out good thoughts
in my mind. I guess i am happy where i am and happy for the
others where they are cause its changes that i am seeing rather
than the same things thats happenning. Really cool...

Well thats all for now..

Well The new year started and its almost 1/6 of the year..
How time goes by so fast that i seemed to loose track of it..
And now the time has come for me to revive and to start
my life a better of the second half and i am ready for it..
Time is the other factor and patience and clear thinking
which i have to carefully use and of course there is reward
for every thing if the combination is complete and its just
natural cause of the exposure of the initial.. Later on its
normal life. So how will i fare, time will tell and i know i have
to do it..

Any way 2010 already started and left's like 10 more month to
2011.. Hey wait.. i am getting older, i mean my age.. not my
youth.. ha ha.. But i think i am missing out too many things..
I have to catch up and go a step ahead of it.. so how???


Ok todays Thursday.. 5th Feburary 2010 and the time is
1346hrs and now i am at Sungai Long.. Just came back from
KOta Raya from LaliGuras restaurant due to some work..
And one step cleared and leaves many steps to concoure..
Feeling very fresh cause before this had an apple and a
yogurt.. Need to get vitamins too for my body.. Cause this
body is only for this life and i need to take care of it for tomorrow.


Been so long have not written anything on the blog so
trying to make up for the lost time.. Any way i ahve wrote
some songs in Nepali with the molody from the guitar
which sounds almost the same for all the songs.. Any way
its my song and its for personal pleasure so why should i
give a shit what others say.. But still its comforting singing
and playing the guitar to keep me balanced..

OK my time almost up.. so this is it for now.. The alert
for TIME UP icon just popped out telling me to either
pay for another hour or my time is almost up..
\ ok chow for now..

Well 11/11/09
The same pickpocket tried to pocket again but
i was alert enough to realise what was going to
happen and avoided it. Any way i think they
were unsuccessful in pocketing their Negro
victim as from the scene he did avoided..
Well this pickpocket are a bunch of gangs
comprising both sexs and lucky for me as i
monitered their behaviour. And its best not
to be hero in my case as they might counter
accuse me as one of their partener a female
was beside me. I kept sitting down not
wanting to give up my seat to the elderly as
what one of the suspect did to make me
feel felial pity for the aged people. Well like
they say once bitter twice shy and be careful
in this kind of situation..
(September 23 and October things got lost)
My past misforctune..

Any way now at library waiting for 2 more days and i almost
can feel the roller coaster breeze cause its going to be very
fast and i know i will be 'someone'.

Ok chow for now and till than Next Time..

Well well well its been so long that i am kinda losing interest
in the blog that i have created. But i try to remember it even
though.. So far so good and so bad.. Its the package in life.
Well well well.. Ha ha ha.. Cant complain can i? Even if i..
Its the package.. Well well well.. Huh dont know what to
write.. Just bla bla bla.. How times changes everything from
who i was before and who i am now. From physical to
mental changes i am evolving. Very rare cause it would for
most of others would be mental changes. I did not realise
i was changing into my physical as well.. Bla bla bla..
I dont really know until some one notices cause i cant
tell if its really that changes are evolving... So let me be the
new person if i am.. so stopping here my typing and go for
the news...paper...

Another day and another time of a new dimension to follow the path of
something which we all have in common. How the times of changes
leaves us in a parallel dimension and makes us wonder how it is really
what we are and would it be a matter of our existence? I am longing for
that answer and so do the rest of the species. What are we really
looking for and what are the changes thats keeps our mind distracted
and makes it focused on others? Is it something that what is undeliably
something. Curiocity are the fact that makes me write such stuff and
i dont know if i will find the answer to my question or rather everyone
Question. I have always wondered in my thoughts and its a vast wide
thoughts thats seemingly 90% illusions and thats what keeps me
occupied most of my time life maybe 60% to where i am today.
Its something which we cant get our focus out of and its really
sometimes a piss of the mind. How strange are we and how do we
tackle such things.. There are answers to it but will i be able to make
it. I think do it than again it just drift my concentration and i get
lost in my own world. Well i am confused and maybe i should get
my mind focused on something rather than just get lost in my
thoughts. It would kill the life out of me and maybe i might be
someone one day. How i wish to eloberate more and am thinking
i need to do something to change to be a beer person of who i
am currently. Todays 15 October and the time is 1014am and
i am doing my best to be. 2 more month to 2010 and am getting
older year by year. Seems like only yesterday and now its like
how times goes so fast and i think i am missing so many things
of my talent and i am learning every bit of my inner self and kind
of trying to let go of my past and concentration forward. Ok so
far i am in positive mode and lets see how long thats last..
Ok next time more..

Well another photo from courtesy of Kamal Gurung back in 2007 or 8 cant remember in Johor Bahru near Singapore Border. Well cant believe i am looking too old.. Maybe age is catching up.. Ha ha.. Well this was before Kamal left for Australia.. He is there by now..

Here harka and Kamal at the Starbuck.. Well thanks for the drink Kamal.. I mean of course u have to to cause comparing the dollar and ringget. its sure was vast in difference..

Well i always kind of felt this was very different of me.. well getting too old.. thanks Kamal found it at facebook while just surfing..

Well this was i think in 2004 or 5 or 3 cant really remember but it was at National Stadium.. This was the place where i was almost turned into a Negro..Even my dad called me.. well got it feom Om Prased facebook.. although i am not here.. we had a good coperation working together..

Well so long yet so deprerssing are the words to be written here.
What can be so new is a depriciation of the life of mine.
Dont know what exact words to type.. but to type something.
How time been wasted or what defination words can i write...
Just a waste of some of the days of smeere waste i guess.
Hoping something which is hopeless and not giving up the
thought of loosing everything.. Well its life after all..
I think its makes us stronger or weaker in cetrain phase of
time and doing the most is to.. checking out photos in
facebook and its sure good way of wasting time cause
mind of brain not working and its damned to lazy to other
things except to see the times goes by. Its sure good way to
relax the yime which i will for sure later on think what the
hell did i do with the precious time.. This is what happens when
the brain losses the moment and later on say such stuffs..
Sometimes its just inspires you and sometimes its just makes you
feel different.. You know most of the guys are out and seems
very lonely.. i mean who do they have the same batch of friends and
a few new guys.. its like lost in the desert.. the smiles on their
faces looks very fake this is what i think.. All our life being a
foreigner and now dont know if career can get the foundation
in a new environment.. Trying their best to live a lie., I kind of
feel sad foe them and many things.. Its like when a girls gets married
and have to stay with her husband..I guess this is what most of the
general people are doing to carry on i think.
I felt i wanted to go to but as time passes my mind set keeps
changing too. Still i am confused. Here stuck in my own fucking
mess and no way to look forward and even if i do.. what are the
chances of success?? this is the delimma that i am in and i am
fucking it away and just pass time and see what happens after all
i am living this life and like i say not everyone are supposed to be
BOSS n everyone of us are different generally. So WIth a smile on
my face i am typing this sentance of damned nonsense. But somehow
i feel like i will make it and somehow i feel like will i be able to. Only
time will tell and seems like new friends are not much of a help cause
their aim are not as high as what their limit are and thats what keeps
them satisfied. May b i am asking too much or maybe my mentality
is so wrong. As i think there seems nothing wrong to think too high
but may be the direction i am going wrongly. But i dont know other
ways.. there is but it wrong..ha ha.. lets see.. only tiem will tell
So chow and next time..

23 September 2009 1010am
and its a beautiful Wednesday to start of the day formally. Saying and
feeling are two different meaning to speak the mind and after the hours
has passed and the reality of the thought comes to conclusion but thats
life isnt it? Well its the world we live in and many complication arises
and we are not sometimes certain of the objective. But i am also
sometimes not certain what i am writing and it can be a nuisance and
you dont have to really believe what i write. Its just pass time and no
other words to define it.

999

Well another special year and the opportunity to type my view.

999 as they say 9th Day, 9th Month and of course the year 9

which is a special combination number to be cherished. Not this

lifetime of others are able to witness this day may by come another

100 years later. Well like 888 i am truely able to write something.

Last year there was Dhurba and Ravi to type something in my blog.

But this year i am alone to write my self and i guess its the way of

ones life to be described. How the one year has passed and many

thing has happened and knowledged gained or loss. I dont really

know the answer to that but to use it as new lease of times comes

by. Be it better or worse, its just the way of life and to deal it with

the outmost way possible. Life is after all a life. Nothing will change

the way it should be heading. But without the presence of everyone

it makes life dull after all. Many ways to see it after all. And i guess

its worth every single seconds of it and 999 its great to be alive and

going. Hope i will be able to write again on 101010... Ok my ending

is i am who i am and i did no wrong what i did and i will do what i

need to do and i am happy who i am. Cause there is only one ME.

So to others, there is only one YOU. So....

5th September 2009 903hrs..
Fundmental is a certain words which we have to apply in our daily
life. Without it, mass theory will be lost and i have made a mistake
and many will along the way. We learn and make mistake too
often that we dont realise where we are or who we really are. And
i have been there and still there unless i change my way of thinking
of the very basic way of fundamental. I come to understanding
whats past is past and this is one last opportunity for me to change
and make my life better for the coming days. Yes there are other
opportunity along the way but it goes back to the basic and we
have to accept that. To be able to start in the middle i need the
needs of my ability to go above the middle to the higher. Or else
i will always have to start low no mattter where i will start. Hard
work is another things that is very important to the success of the
road ahead and i will write my progess as i go along. This is one
big opportunity and it will not come again.. There are limitation
which i have to face it or better explain to them. Lets see how it
really goes in the coming weeks to come.......

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Well yesterday as usual around early 8am i as usual was doing my
pull up at KLCC Park. As usual i was doing i noticed a helicopter
circuling the Petronas Twin tower. I was thinking to myself why of
a sudden such dcene? I thought to myself maybe it was one of the
way of patronism since after Merdaka(National Day) on the 31st
August. I did not though much but i did think the Al Queda was
going to attack was one of my funny side of thoughts. And carried
on with my pull up and headed for my destination. Well as usual today
i did my pull up again and took the Sun's paper at the Ampang
Train Station. As i turn over the next page i saw the article
"Spiderman" arrested after scaling Petronas Tower.. I was like
what... I read the story.. Alain Robert a French national 47years
old had concured the tower in just 2 and a half hours due to wet
wather. I mean can u believe that he climbed without any safety
equipment and without any other people knowledge. He succeeded
and was reprimended by the police. He had tried before but was
not allowed or other reasons. Man i was there and i did not knew
such was happenning. I felt very proud of him.. He gave me
encouragement even though i was low in the morning and i learned
we have to keep trying until we succeeded and less of other
knowledge.. Well Alain Robert you have my respect and thanks
for the success u have done. Nothing is impossible. Hope i can
emulate like you and i want to fight my rights and go on even if i
cant.. Cheers to you..

Well i am too free to write.. i guess i got the liberty aint i.. ha ha.. So
todays a fine and a bit rainy outside compared to inside and i have
the time to sightseeing some of the places...

922am and well Harka n Kul is on his way back in RA to Nepal and now i suddenly
like it was only yesterday we came here.... How time flies.. Well today Pralhad one
of my good freind is going back too.. Not forgetting Kedar Gurung my hostel mate
too is leaving.. Well reminds me of the time we stayed under the same shelter
and all the memories with drinks and many things we adapted to the living
environment exposed. Well they are gone and the latter today. So i guess my time
will come soon with Dhurba Khadka. Ok now i am surfing Google map and it
one of a kind of futuristic sites.. I mean i can actually be anywhere and check out
the street and places of interest. Its good though but i can only access some places.
Its better than non.. Well if the speed was much better i would be able to access
much quicker around the places.. But its ok also.. All right than i want to do some
sight seeing...

Well i am here and i am going there soon. I do know..
Ok.. it my turn so i am ready..

28th August 2009 and tomorrow Harka and Pralhad and not forgetting Kul are
flying back concurrently of one day difference. Well Its 3 years of career and
without family members beaside us and the life had effected us dearly and
an experience which each one of us has a differnt view of expressing oneself.
My turn will come to go back and i am looking forward to it. Guess i have
been away too long and sure miss my family back home and it makes me more
stronger to survive individually and spiratually. Well i dont really know how
to express it but to experience it will eventually prevail the words that i wish
to write. But one thing its good writing.. Ok Biray (he is married to)
mailed me.. and tells me Duk is in Nepal with his family.. Well hes a father
already to a beautiful daughter and what can i say.. Wish him more baby and
be a good father.. I guess thats what we are more capable in this other than..
well i dont really know.. Well here i think its the monsoon season ant its
been raining and drizzling continousely for the past 17 hours and i think it
will continue to non stop.. So its pretty cold out here except too many places
flood here and there.. Hate it cause i have to walk like an hour to my destination
and by the time i reach, my shoes all wet in and out. No use for the umbrella..
i mean only for the upper part of the body.. And the best part is when there is a
path of flood at the road (i mean almost every where cause the road are mass
made and not to quality standard) and whan car pass by, suprise of splash
of water form the two different motion. And i really hate it cause it diry.
Well lets put the pen down and rest for now..

Oh well back again to the world of ups and down. What would it be like if its
was one way going. I really cant or have the exact answer for this intricating
question myself. So any way the only way to find out is to experience it.
So here i am down for so long and i believe it time to pick to reach higher
for better tomorrow or better days. Cant always go low can i!! Ok time to
change the chart and new climate. So where are have all the days coming to
only time and fate can say the least as it comes and to top it up.. good luck..
Ok kind of feeling the way every day i was feeling and finding the time of
going for the changes of the less ordinary. Cant think of much just to write
some crap to fill my day to look at the time just passing by. Its just how
time is passed to fill the gap of seeing new things thats comming soon. I
cant forward it so to go with the time and obey its law. No choice everyone
has to obey its law. So how shall we describe the worls as?? Its has its own
defination and its way of showing life to the living. Can u just imagine how
did civilasation came about?>? Its complication and scientific has priven it.
But do you trust every bit of it.. Its depends on every individuals and i am
50-50. Cause there is truth and for sure there is Lie. So just say Ya Ya..
and move on.. Cause there are morans saying this is and that is making sure
they get you hooked in their point. Well lets forget about this moran and lets
go on to something more fun for the day.. So here i am walking to a shop to
buy some stuff and as it was a long walk and deserted path.. I decided to
sing some silly tunes.. Tunes just comes out from my mouth and try along
the way to melodise it.. I did not or by excitement as i carry on the singing
the vocal along the way was getting high pitches. Or other term high volume.
I made the pop to alternative and sudenly to heavy.. I did not realise someone
was behind me until he bypassed me with his finger on his ear and my brain
was told me to mute or just carry on slightly softer. So here i am emberessment
or just liberty.. any way this was not the first time i was singing and carried on
except the unfortunate was well forget about it and this is my life, who the hell
is he and i have the right as this is public and i am not going against the law.
Freedom and every human had the rights to it as it does not go against the
boundary of the so called Law. Well i did enjoy myself cause singing is
something which makes out emotion go wild and make us like a bird flying so
high that there is no direction and which ever way we go it makes us feel
liberty. Well it was one awsome experience and i would like to do it on stage
but insted of flowers or panties thrown in, i think bottles and all sort of hurting
tools will be thrown in thats why i am in the limit of not doing such stuff..
Its personal and not publicity. I rather enjoy than get bullshit review. Ok so
much of fun and here is a true story. Just last night i was looking across the
road and this neighbour grows all sorts of vegatation just out side of their
house. It is ment for purely decoration i believe. Any way i believe its just
some time pass for the grandma of the house. I mean she is old and i believe
in her young she was in agriculture and this was her only mean of pass time.
The family is rich and its a good kind of hobby to fill her days. So as you
know there is like 3 papaya tree and all of them bearing fruits and its was
almost or beginning to ripe. So here my mind fickring what to do decided it
wants my tummy with fresh fruits. So without any thought my legs walks to
the tree and shakes the trunk. Water droplets falls like as though it was
raining. Previously it had rained and water was collected on the leaves of the
papaya thats why when i shaked the trunk water dropped. The first shake was
not strong enough and i had to do it again and 2 dropped just beside me. And i
just picked it up and went back to my place like as though it was mine. Well
i did not care and i washed it and peeled of the skin. It was ripe and not 100%.
It was crunchy and i and Joe enjoyed the freshness just previously from the
tree. So it was a daring experience at this age. Well i dont know what i was
doing but i sure did enjoy the fruit. Any way behind the house there is a
banana tree and its just beared fruits. I am thinking of letting it grow a bit in
size and store it in so that it ripens up. Its kind of disappointing cause i
thought the size was bigger but to my dismay its size is small and nevermind
as long there is banana edible its worth it. I just hope it will be ready by some
time soon. Well i guess thats it for today and next time..

Well well.. its 14th Friday 2009 and 1033am and i am here just to write some things
before i forget what i want to write.. Any way thats all for today..

This is from National Geography.. And i am uploading cause its very unique as the
Squirrel is also wants not to be missed in camera.. I guess its trying to say ''Cheese"
before the shot..

Well tomorrow 7th August 2009 is going to be an anniversary for me. It not something
to be proud or celebration of. Any way how times flies and how life has come to this
situatuion. By the way 21th will be the day what i had started off with.. Anyway its
kind of feeling good. mayybe its more of a better days to come or not but the key
word will be 'optimistic' and looking forward to it. Ok enough of this and i been reading
some books which is good or maybe not. It depends when the time comes for its
particapation, before that i need something which is, lets call it 'ignation'. Time has gone
and new times coming and sounds very awkard or nevermind.
So lets me be the one to say ok 'Lets start anew form tomorrow'.

1st August 2009... 10:11am Saturday// weekend and its great to be back to write buisance!!
Well as i said it was great but something just made my day a less not so.. Any way what
can i say.. wanted to say something but i think i better not and i think i should keep it to
myself and maybe its for the best of me.. And let me write nuisance if i can think of
something that my brain might come out of.. Ok i am thinking and looking at the admin
side to check if the case is clear.. seems ok but still i might not have such previlage in the
coming days. Nontheless i dont think i need to care so much of such things..cause i think
i have other better things to concentrate.. Well i guess i will be writing less from now on
and i will try to write even though i dont have much space.. Ok any way chow for now.

Ok Saturaday and its ok for whats past has passed and looking for my
brain to write something today. Its 10:10am on 25th July and i have like
3 weeks to go down south to meet up friends and settle some things.
I am now well ok.. nothing to write..

As i turned to look to the sight my mind had flashed across when i was
turning just about. It was a vivid memory of a look coming from
across the street. The very familiar face once i knew but my brain was
not working out who this person was. I tried to recall upteem times but
i just could not get what i wanted. My brain was dead and i was trying to
scan back every detail out of my past. I realised that it was no use any
longer as it just could not come and...

Well above is something i wanted to write but i could not carry on as i
am lost of idea and sentance. I think i need to improve more on my writing
in the near future.

Ok Saturday the 18th July 2009.. A bright morning and infact very
beautiful minus the haze. So what better way to have a bread and coffee
before my day starts. So life seems so very.. I dont know cause it no use
planning when you are not under your roof especially like me in LUAR
NEGARA(Foreigner). Ok its like this for me for the last 23years of my
life. So i am not settlled yet at a fixed place and i think it will not be my
last either.. May b once i go back i might search other area too. Cause
my country of origin has nothing to offer but many thing we individuals
have to contribute. It sad but true and i want to contribute maybe once
i am more stable. If not its ok.. at least we have the thought.

So as you know august coming soon and i been thinking lately of
returning for good. But the futures uncertainty cause the economy still
not too fixed up. Can have some hic-ups as whats goes down needs
time to come up and there might be obsticles along the way and due to
gravitional force it might plunge back. Never know, it all depands on the
stock player and the world. As you know North Korea their ass kind of
itchy and keep farting german gases and Terhan or Iran back to Moulsive
or Ahmadejin. And there are the disaster of plane crashing one after the
other. First the Air France crash on 1 June 2009 than Yemani crash
on and now Iranian Airways so it can be coincendital.. Its like a chain
reaction of some kind of ill fated fate. Well i am not too sure but my
condolance to all the dead and to their family and friends. Well we still
have to live and speaking of live my nature call is asking me to release.
But once i release this PC than i dont think i will be able to get it back.
I will try to hold on for some time just to surf a while longer..

Mondays coming and i am geared up for something and thinking of
a roller coaster journey if my fate comes along. Never know whats
written till i find out myself when the time comes and of course i
have to put in effort if not how will the ride comes about.

So this week end might be weeding or just passing and i really hate
to waste time. So hope my ends are worh of justification of how it
will be spent. Later at least one part of my right or left brain will say
ya i did that.

So i just edited my profile in facebook cause i am getting irriteated of
it. Cause its like a i dont know but i think i have other better things to
do than surf such things. So my bladder saying faster and i want to
hold on longer cause i have not finished yet..

Now finally i have finished what i was here for ok next time i will
write more..