857hrs

Fresh from my sleep and having fresh hot sweet tea.
What more can i ask for. Aaah how sweet the taste of
the hot tea can be. Need to get fresher by brushing my
teeth and having shower. Today gonna meet munna and
have lunch and call home to greet the new year.

0124hrs
01 January 2011

Am so happy the new year has started well for me and in a
good mood. Which is why i am drinking and making merry.
A new life starts for me and all my thoughts shall work for
me even if it does not i at least will try. Trying is a must and
i will make it for sure. Resolution is a good things and i will
make it for sure.

All the memories of 2011 was a beautiful
memory and i have no regret that happened.
And i look forward for 2012 which is i
have planned and i will implement it.
Know its going to be tough but if i cant
make it than i will be in trouble. I know
i just need faith in myself and principle
to see just that.
FAITH FAITH FAITH

Smoking cause its going to be my last since its in the
list for changes as i have abused and emberessed
myself too many time, and i really hate it. Not
forgetting my energy drink too. Ha Ha...

Listening to music in youtube and its making
my time priceless...

142hrs..The first time i started smoking was when i was 21.
This was the time after i finished my 'O' Level. I did not made 
the grade and cause i started smoking. Frankley speaking 
i did not made in any effort in my study and i was hoping
for miracle. Which was so fucking stupid as i look back.
How could i have felt like like that. This is how i have always
wanted my life to be. Which is so fucking stupid. And cause
of that i am smoking for the last 12 years. Is it not stupid 
decision i am making. And one of the most stupid thing i
made, which is gambling. Gambled all my life for 17 to 31.
Always made me complete even if i was pocketless and
without food. If only i had made a girl my life would have
changed. But i did not did that instead i carried on and 
now my brain is so corrupted that i dont know what i am 
doing sometimes..And finally THIRI... Guess this is part 
of life.. I am gonna get.......this year and i have to.. I am 
gonna do it...Might be quitting my job as i know i will
not be anywhere form this place. Seriously...

200hrs and i am still drinking and eating... ha ha..

I had a choice and i will not say i made the right or wrong
choice. . I just say i move on....

217hrs...
Happy New Year and i am happy....

124hrs

Everyone wants a beautiful life and its not as easy as life can
be. Too much struggle and its called insanity.. I am stuck at
the same point in life and i dont remember moving at all.
Only way for me is to move to another point but i dont
have any fucking idea and i cant leave this place just like
that. Drinking is not the solution but i dont have any other
idea. Guess thats why i have to drink and abuse myself.
Love it and will drink more. Tomorrow gonna call home and
see if this will be the changing point of my life..
For now i wanna drink...

1153hrs
Have like 1 and a half hour left to make a move. Just
cut my hair and looking neat except my head looks
terribly horrible. My head is out of porpotion thats
why whenever i cut it short, it looks horrible. Any way
its time to look ugly for some time until it grows long.
Today going to wear new pair of socks and with that
i will be using total 4 white socks. I am suppose to
wear black but the ones that i have are synthatic and 
its goes horribly bad when i wear it on safety boots.
The smell is unberable so i use 100% white cotton 
socks. Its does not smell and best of all its comfortable.
So dont care..

2 more days to 2012 and how time went by 2011. Cant
remember much but its going to be over and how
fast time is moving...

Just closed the curtain form my window as i dont want
the light from outside. Its irrteating my eyes.

1322hrs and going early cause i need to withdraw and
remit...
so chow for now,,,

216am

Munching bread for my supper and gonna have the yogurt
that i bought yesterday.

Man i am fresh. Really. I went gym and its been very long
since i been to the gym and i have to maintain physically
and mantally. Now that i have started i just need to carry
on and better myself.....

Secondaly... Cant remember when was the last time i used
SHAMPOO.. Think that was like 2005.. Today was my
first and i better take care of my looks too.. Guess it more
like self impression...

Any way did my groceries for January and the internet bills
already paid too. Now i have to seriously think of quitting
my smoking habit. Spend too much on it and only afffect
my health, mood, perspective... I hope i can,,

Its over and seriously i have won and i move on.

well try to sleep for now and have to make a habit to wake
up early cause i am morning shift from next year...Yaaaaaa

1218hrs
28th December 2011

3 more days to 2012 and looking forward to the new
year with a drastic changes. This is not what i am
excepting but what i am going to do. If it works out
than i am changing and if Cant just waste my life
just sulking away.

Well just playing my guitar and i wanna stop here...

139am

Merry Christmas... A wonderful occassion to cherish yearly
for we mankind are a apecial species and we have to remenber
we are special. And to make our life worthwhile we have to
have occassion to celebrate our existance of principle and
for the newer generation to follow. Cause its life and its
precious in every way. Only some will be remembered in
history but the rest were there to make that happen and the
rest are the special ones. With out the special ones the one
in history is nothing. And here i am drinking and listening
to my own song that i have recorded some times back.
Although i am high it good to be high. Why would mankind
create such things. Cause not all are perfect. I am thankful
that i am in the right sense. Dont know how long will that be
but i enjoy tonight.

Just prepared the daal. Dont want to eat noodle. Althought
it will take a lot of time, i will wait like i have waited for me
to come this far. Heating the water and just need to put in
the daal. Hope i will have daal and rice and not just drop
dead on the floor cause of drinking. ha ha

201am and daal is still cooking. Think i will have my food
only around 3 plus.. |Lets see..ha ha.. now playing my guitar.
Just opened the window for cool air..

211am.. still enjoying the intoxicating.. but i feel depressed..
Drinking was suppose to be happy but i am depressed..
Need to change my mood.. Daal is still cooking and i
have taken out the onion and garlic.. just need to prepare
later..

I was just playing my guitar and i realise that life is more
interesting if its in pain. |Every one is living the same way
except me. Man i feel special. Right.. ha ha.. But tomorrow
i will feel the suffering again. is this life better than others.
May be it is..Daal is still cooking..

228am.. just preapared the onion and garlic and am listenig
to Billy Joel- Piano man.. And i just closed the window the
air is too cold for me..Just top up my glass of wisky..
I know i am having too much but i need to make my food
and eat it before i sleep...
Just top up water in the daal..

231am and i am still drinking... Next year i am going to do
great.. for sure i have to..

242am... There is a saying.. The older you grow, the wiser
you will become. And i can say i have become wiser and
i cherish my life. I will always will..Listening to Nepathay
'Yo jindagani' aka this life....

256am... Cant believe life is so beautifulllllllll............
and i am still alive.....
300am.. I mean every thing is beautiful,,, ha ha

My daal is ready and i am cooking my rice.. 306am.. Now
just need to prepare the egg.. gonna close the window,,,
ha ha..

314am... too high and i can still write.. ha ha

Just came back form the toilet.. wHAT goes in must come
out... ha  ha..

317am... light up Marlboro cigaet..

Just played Danny dezompa songggg
ha ha..

321am just tasted the rice and now i am going to cook egg..

325am.. just finishd cooking egg and serlou just came back..

ok.. after this i am gonna eat and sleep..

117am

Now in my bed and surfing. Sick of the table and chair.
Yesterday woke up early and the day went dragging so
around 10 plus slept. And cause of that i dont think i 
will fall asleep so soon. Got my ATM debit card after
my old was damaged. I could still withdraw cash but
i could not use it at shops to buy groceries. This is the
future man whats the point if i cant use the card to buy
things. Its not like in the 80's where we have to keep
money and use money every where. Now just swipe
the card and the goods is yours and i dont have to 
count the change and stack it nicely in my wallet. Thats
why i reapplied for a new one. I will be charged AED20
for the replacement. I have already activated the card 
and my balance was 18.58. Spent too much this month.
From next month i hope i can save some. Speaking of
saving, the service charge is going to be less cause the
hotel guest occupency is low and is expected to be low
for the next few month. Man how am i going to save.
Salary still not in and wondering how is the amount thats 
going to come. Looking forward to it. Now my total 
balance is 45 + 18. Cant believe i spent so much and
now i am feeling the pain.
Some times i feel like hammering my head cause the
thought keeps coming back. And i have typed too
many times in my phone and it ends up as draft. Than
i will mark all and delete all. Cause after that i remember
the word 'mark my word'. And i dont know how long
more of this will happen. Lucky i am not going crazy.
Maybe it will take more longer cause it was too long.
I dont know.. Sometimes i feel like i should just...

134am.. think thats enough..

114am
22/12/11

Here i am ready to sleep. Just wanted to jot down something
before i sleep. 3 more days to Christmas and 9 more days
to New Year. Which means 2011 is ending and 2012 a whole
new package to life. I am looking forward to it and i have not
prepared much. Need to have principle in my daily life.
Salery should be coming and the 5% thats suppose to come.
Any today had a chat with Makar. Long lost friend from
Singapore. Man he has kids almost 14 years and cant believe
how time has moved. I feel like i was lost and not him.
There will be time for the catching up to do.

Any way thats all for now..

125am and i am having wisky and mexican chicken. Just
bought it so i dont have to eat noodle. And i have spent
1200 this month. Wow cant believe i am so good in
spending and in earning a penny. Have to do something
about it. Never mind the spending but i need to earn more
to balance it. I am not stupid but cause of this impairmen.
2012 is on the way and i must do something about it. And
2012 i will be different for sure.... A promise i make...

Last night drank too much.. 75% of 70ml Napoleon was
consumed by me and now i am finishing the 25%. Man
i know i can drink but that was too much. Not good and
i cant do anything about it. It happens naturally..

i know i will move no matter what,,, i will for sure and i
am going  to be a better man..

125am
19/12/11

Just ready to sleep as i came back from work. Cant believe
i found my trasnaction of how i started to use my money
for business in Malaysia. And it was a big flop. All minus
and if only i had put in more effort. The result would have
been more better. This time i really have to put in more
effort in what ever i do or else i am gone for sure. My
only problem is i slag cause of my hearing.
Man the last 2 days was like hell and cant believe i am out
of that. And that kind of shit will come again. How do i
move from this kind of obsticles. I cant and i have to
read and think. But like all other 'off' i am not making use
of the time and this is also the cause of it. Need to cahnge
or else i loose. I have to put it to action. Have to and also 
my health. Very important..
Man i have to...

1225pm
15/12/11

All prepared except my hair and shoe. Last light or
today early morning finished my remaining liquor.
There was not much but enough to make me sleep.
Woke up late like almost 11 and here i am almost
ready to leave. There is still time so make use of the
time surfing..Now calling Duk on skype.. He returned
back from Nepal almost a week by now. Man he has
a life. Married with a daughter and working in
Hong Kong. Thats life is it not..

Any way going for a smoke..
All ready, hair, shoes and now chatting with Duk...
So chow for now...

840am and again my daal got burned. I had just
composed a new song and was too busy
composing it that i forgot about the daal. Shit
this is the second time that happened or so.
Cleaned the pan and again cooking the daal.
Hope it will not happen again, as i try to
compose the song. Just now at 6 am i went
down and i bumped into one of the
housekeeping staff and asked him for a cigaret.
After smoking i came back to my rooma and
cleaned my room. Than i contuined to watch
the movie from youtube. This is a Thai movie
titled 'season change'. I just top up the water
for the daal dont want it to be burned again.
About the movie, it was good and i have not
watched Thai movie for a long time so it was
even better. |About the review.. you should
watch it and...
Damn my stomach is empty can feel the
uneasyness its causing me. Need to bite on
something. Stupid of me not to buy bread
when i had gone to the shop just now. Need
something or else not good. And the cause is
also thanks to cigaret. Already smoked 3 after
i bought it. I can also feel the effect in my
throat. let me see what i can eat...
I am back, had 3 strip of short beans. Dont
know the name so gave this name for it. Half
of radhis and half way left it in the fridge and
later i might munch on it again. Finally fried
egg and just sprinkled salt and finished it. Man
i need to train my habit cause it not a good
habit to eat and shit to often. Listening to my
song that i had recorded and the lyric is too
short and the melody is mostly same. Need
inspiration to improvise it.Wanna go for a
cigaret.
Any way the lyric goes something like this..

THIS ARE THE DAYS OF MY LIFE
WRITE A SONG, TO REMEMBER YOU

CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE
ONLY YOUR, SWEET MEMORY

This is the lyric and as you can see its too 
short and have to put in more words.
Going for a smoke and also need to check
daal.
Am back and again took a picture of the 
reflection of the sun from the marble of 
the kitchen. Around 6 plus i had taken a 
few picture of the sun rising and the picture
are very very superb and no words to
describe it. Now want to practice the song.
Time is 912am and there is like 6 hours left.

Yesterday was a depression mood for the
whole day as i was out of idea and i idle the
whole day and it cause depression mood.
Todays going smoothly and dont know how
it will go for the rest of the whole day here
and at work.

Cant believe exchange rate for Nepal has
become 23 and i had thought it might drop
to 21. Again not so good in forcasting. Need
to learn the trick to better financing. I need to
save for the rainy days to come.

Chow for now...

457hrs
14th Dec 2011

Woke up at 3am and wasted 2 hours and here i am
listening to 'cry on my shoulder'. Its a so so song.
Any way last night drank too much but i managed
to digest the drink and food and here i am in good
condition. Not like the 2 days back incident. Woke
up to a heavy hangover. And last night dinner was
the best. Had as usual Rice, Daal, Beans cooked
and radish(white carrot). Man its the best maybe
the way i cooked and prepared. And i really have
to pat myself on my back after all i am the best.
Ha ha. OHh cant forget the 2 days back dinner.
Shit... it was indon noodle mixed with hot spicy
chilli. After which i had to cook again. This time
maggie mixed with the chilli again. AND what
happened yesterday, i had a very bad stomach 
reaction the whole day. Maybe more than 10 time
i had to visit the toilet.

Had indon mee as my breakfast and egg plus
added fresh beans for the decoration. And took
a picture rom my mobile and put it as wall paper.
Made myself tea with milk before the mee and
cleaned the kitchen. This kitchen is always in
a mess as my room mate-Sherlo is a PIG cause
he is a PIG. Told him too many times but if he
does not want to listen than i cant do anything
but to call him PIG. And i dont know what to
call the girls whom he brings in his room. |well
guess PIGS too..Stays  overnight when the last
visiting hour is 11pm. Man... cheap girls i guess.
Now the kitchen is very clean and here i am
behind closed door as i dont want to disturbe
my room mate Rudhra..
Its 523am and i cant believe 2 and a half hours is
already gone. Works is at 1500hrs. Thats like 
10 hours before i start work. Dont know how i
will spend the day before i go to work. I been 
using this laptop and cant believe i still have to 
look at the keyboard to type. Man i had my first
computer in 1995 and still by now i have to 
see the... Kind of emberessment..

Will write later.. log off for now

2230hrs
12/12/2011

Came back from my sis room and now drinking. Got
a bottle from Ricardo. Wanted not to but its my off.
Not only today, tomorrow as well. So i thought why
not have a drink. Life is going smoothly and i have
to do so much in life than this. I am too far behind
and i need to do some catching up to do.

0118hrs
12/12/11

early in the morning and just came back from work.
I have to be strong and i have to move on. Thats
what life is all about....

Yesterday was almost insane for me...Wanted badly
to talk to her. But nothing..

Around 7pm there was complain that exhaust for
sofra was not working and went to roof top to
see what was the problem. After rectifying the
problem, i went to check the bee. They were
there all cramely packed together. I shone my
bright torch at them and they all started to move
to  dark area. I just happen to put my test pen
and pinched at the hive. And to my suprise
there was honey inside. Man i was very excited
cause the last time i had only took the outside
and thought there was no honey. Here i realise
you have to go deeper to get the treasure. I
tasted my test pen as the honey was on the
tip of the test pen. I got excited and i burned
the paper and i took a handful of honey as the
bee moved from the smoke. I had it and the 
feeling was very special. Yaamm. Cant believe
i had my first original honey from the hard 
working bees directly and even better in
country like UAE. Its really special and life
is special with simple things. Any way late into
our work i offered to my colleague. So i bought
it in a cup and Puskal ate it saying 'thats real
honey' cause he did not believe me in the
cafeteria when i told him i had ate real honey.
Later Laxmi came i told him the way to eat it.
He acted too smart and he drank directly in the
cup. And as he chewed the honey, one of the
bee had gone into his mouth and had stung his
tounge. I had a good laugh and joked.'' I went to
an extreme danger where there were thousand of
bee and stole their honey still not getting stung 
and here he is, just tasting the honey he got stung'' 
I mean is it not funny... Very comedic right...
Ha ha ha...
What i really like to say is i am very thankful to
this bees, because of them i had the original
honey and they will continue to give me  more
honey. Thank You from the bottom of my heart....


Took the 1230 bus and i had sat in the front of the
seat and was talking to Bandana husband about
NIM Paata. A kind of leaf for medication. And i
saw Mani was outside. I realised there was no
seat available for him and he was alone outside.
I could not bear the lonelyness and i told the
driver i wanted to alight. There we were outside
together. As we came he offered me drink. Well
i ended up at his room and we had SIgnature
drink with 3 other guys. And the food one of
the guy had cooked was chicken. And what
special about this was he had cooked mutton
and chicken together. This was unique cause
i had ate both meat in my life but never in my
life had i ate both meat cooked together. Guess
life is sometimes very special. And i left at
210am hoping to catch the bus. Waited for so
long and realised the bus had left. There i
decided to walk back to the building. As i
walked after 5 minute i had my pee in the
middle of the night. I knew i could be caught
by the police cause i was drunk plus i was
doing nature call in the middle of the night. 
Contuined to walk and after 10 minute had
my second pee. Ha ha. As i came near the 
roundabout i realise i was on right track to 
the building. So i started to run. It was very
cool and the i took out my jacket. The feeling
high in alcohal and in the middle of the night
free of everything. So special.. ha ha
Finally reached my room, made myself 2
packed of indon mee and after that slept
peacefully. 

Here i am, 1249hrs and having a bread as my
tummy is empty and also closed the curtain
of my room. Surfing
Got to get ready for work...  

1130hrs
9th 12 2011

Having bread with water,, too lazy to cook and just
listening to my song. Bought this bread in the
morning with indon mee. Need the noodle cause
the maggie is horrible. In the morning its gives me
bad stomach problem. Its the second time i have
faced this problem when ever i had maggie.
Last night was horrible. In my sleep i can feel like
i can just die in my sleep. Happened too many time
in the night and decide to wake up. Dont know if
its the hunger or have i abused my body too much.
I feel its the latter. Like a few days back i smoked
almost 35 stick. Its obviously the smoking. I tried
too many times but i cant seems to cause of the
lonelyness. Fuck this shit. I need to try. Too many
times i have said this and fuck it.. Dont want to
write of this shit again.

Just came back from my smoke and having the
bread that was unfinished. After this gonna play
my guitar. See if i need to do any changes.
By the way have cover the light from the window
with the curtain.

1143hrs.. time is moving slowly. works at 3 pm..

As what i said yesterday that i will exercise. But i
woke up late and i did not do as i said. Sometimes
cant do as what i planned.

Any way nothing much to say...

123hrs
9th Dec 2011

Its early in the morning of 9th Dec and i had just
came back from work. Smoked a cigaret, ate
yogurt and brushed my teeth. Going to sleep
soon as i was feeling sleepy back than, Too
much things to worry and too lonesome. I cant
do anything about except to try to look for
alternatives ways to deal with it. Morning need
to go running and gym. Cant believe my weight
is piling and just looking in the mirror makes me
emberess. Cause i felt like i have loose weight,
but instead it was winning weight. Need to
be serious./.

Good night...

1230hrs
8th December 2011

Listening to my song that i composed and recorded
in my phone. Its out of words for me... Too good
to say any thing about it. Sometimes i wonder if we
were not there. Life would have been much better
i think. What are the changes that happened. In the
end we ended up there but lost in the thoughts.
How can i change all this. There is nothing i can
do and just stay in silence.



Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Stream of water, will get it in pail
Forest dried branches, collect and shall i bring
Mom cooking, Dhiroa and Gunruuk
Dad in the field, farming the rice

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Thisss suffering, comfort
Memoriesss sweet, sour
I guess, this is called

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

This is in the english version. Althought its not
too good translated, It goes something like
that. Today going at 1.30pm to work. And i
would like to meet munna. Wanna have lunch
together. Now wanna play my guitar and see
if i can modify anything...