Monday, December 05, 2011

THIS ARTICLE BELOW IS FROM CNN AND IT IS THE EVENT THAT TOOK
PLACE IN 2011.And i cant believe so much happened.

From the Arab Spring to a global economic crisis to the killing of Osama bin Laden, 2011 has been defined by historic and dynamic events that will shape the world in the years ahead.
A revolt across the Middle East and North Africa began with the self-immolation of a struggling merchant in Tunisia and spread across the region. Egyptian protesters toppled the 30-year rule of Hosni Mubarak, and rebels in Libya battled against supporters of long-time strongman Moammar Gadhafi.
Gadhafi was eventually killed in October after months on the run from rebel forces and NATO bombardments.
The significance of the Arab Spring is indisputable, but was it the biggest story of the year?
The earth shook off the coast of Japan in March, triggering one of the worst tsunamis in years, destroying nearly everything in its path and sending millions fleeing for high ground.
Beyond the utter calamity from the 9.0-magnitude earthquake, Japan found itself dealing with the worst nuclear crisis since the 1986 Chernobyl disaster. The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear facility was knocked offline, resulting in a meltdown of three reactors, with radiation leaking into the air and contaminated water spilling into the sea.
The long-term effects from the stricken plant remain unknown.
Natural disasters hit the United States hard, too. The largest tornado outbreak ever recorded swept across across the South, Midwest and Northeast -- with a record 207 touching down on April 27 and killing 346 people. Alabama bore the brunt of the destruction, with a massive twister turning the college town of Tuscaloosa into a disaster zone.
Three weeks later, a mile-wide tornado ripped through Joplin, Missouri, killing more than 150 people and wreaking havoc across the blue-collar town at the edge of the Ozark Mountains. It marked the deadliest single tornado in 60 years.
From Washington to New York residents in August braced for Hurricane Irene, a powerful storm that forecasters feared would cause catastrophic damage. The storm weakened before landfall, but it still was blamed for at least 20 deaths in eight states.
On the battlefield, Navy SEAL Team Six became part of American military lore when the elite unit raided a compound in Pakistan, killing Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda and the most-wanted terrorist in the world who had orchestrated the terror attacks of 9/11.
For President Barack Obama, the bin Laden raid marked a high point of his presidency. Sometimes considered soft on terror, Obama achieved something his predecessor failed to do: bring the terror mastermind to justice.
The killing came ahead of the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, which was marked by the opening of several memorials, including an outdoor tribute at Ground Zero in New York.
The United States also marked a decade of war in Afghanistan, a conflict that began in the months after 9/11 aimed at rooting out al Qaeda terrorists. While the Afghanistan war rages on, the United States is preparing to pull out the last of its troops from Iraq.
The year also was defined by economic turmoil. Prime ministers in Greece and Italy quit amid a slow-motion fiscal disaster unfolding in Europe, while Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. credit rating for the first time after it said Congress failed to do enough to stabilize the country's debt situation. The downgrade, which came after an eleventh-hour agreement to raise the debt ceiling, damaged an already-stagnant economy.
As the U.S. saw unemployment hit 9 percent, the Occupy Wall Street movement -- a grassroots protest against policies favoring the richest 1% -- spread to dozens of cities across the country and Europe.
Meanwhile, Republican presidential candidates looked to seize their campaign to retake the White House in 2012. In October, former VP candidate Sarah Palin and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie disappointed supporters by saying they wouldn't run, and by early December the GOP field seemed to be down to two serious contenders: Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.
In July, the world was reminded of man-made tragedy with near-simultaneous terror attacks in Norway.
A car bomb exploded in Oslo targeting government buildings, while miles away, an armed man opened fire on a youth leadership camp, killing 77.Months earlier, Rep. Gabby Giffords was shot in the head as she met with constituents at a supermarket near Tucson, Arizona. Six people were killed in the attack, including a young girl and a federal judge.
Giffords has awed the nation in her recovery. Married to astronaut Mark Kelly, the congresswoman traveled to Kennedy Space Center in May to watch as her husband commanded the final launch of space shuttle Endeavour.
A few months later, NASA launched the final space shuttle mission, retiring the fleet of historic spacecraft after 30 years. The mission, STS-135, ended on July 21 when Atlantis arrived back at Kennedy.
Other stories dominated the headlines, too.
Casey Anthony was found not guilty in Florida in her daughter's death, while Conrad Murray was convicted in the death of superstar Michael Jackson.
Charlie Sheen's raging narcissism captivated the nation for a couple weeks as his bizarre behavior prompted his TV bosses to fire him from "Two and a Half Men". Other bad boys popped into the news: Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York tweeted a picture of himself in his underwear and soon was forced to resign, and Maria Shriver filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger after a family housekeeper came forward about her love child with the former California governor.
Scandal struck far and wide in 2011. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, once seen as a future leader of France, quit as head of the International Monetary Fund after he was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel housekeeper in New York -- a charge that was later dropped. British tabloids run by media tycoon Rupert Murdoch were hit by a phone hacking scandal that resulted in the flagship News of the World folding.
In the United States, child sex abuse scandals tainted athletics programs at Penn State and Syracuse universities basketball team. Jerry Sandusky, a former Penn State assistant football coach, was charged with multiple counts of sex abuse against children, and legendary head coach Joe Paterno was fired in the scandal's aftermath. In Syracuse, assistant basketball coach Bernie Fine was fired after three people, including two former ball boys, said he molested them for years. No charges have been filed against Fine, but multiple investigations have been launched.
Yet not all news was bad in 2011. The world got a brief respite from doom-and-gloom headlines in April when Prince William and Catherine Middleton wed at Westminster Abbey.
Their wedding was one of the most-watched events of the year -- from TV to the Internet. On the streets of London, many captured royal images on their mobile devices and instantly shared them with friends.
Some of those images might never have been shared if it hadn't have been for the creator of the iPhone: Apple founder Steve Jobs, the genius who led the home computer revolution and inspired some the world's most popular mobile devices.
Jobs died of pancreatic cancer in October. His final words, according to his sister, were "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow!"
Fitting words for 2011.
1405hrs
05/12/2011

I said i will not smoke much from now. But see..
Let me check how many stick i have puffed so
far... Only 2 stick left.. Shit i smoked already 8
Why must this be happening... Why....
Any ways chatting with Ramila.. Too much
to talk... Its been long.. hope she comes here
soon so that she can move on in life.

Finally i have made progress on my own song.
And i kind of like it... Hoping to put it in you
tube. First i need to master it and do the
recording. I am sure proud of myself. Ha ha..

Had tea with milk that i bought yesterday..
Its not that good as the one i make in
staff lounge. Think i need to buy powdered
milk. Lunch i had indo mee georang. 2 packet.
And after i had tea and 2 bread with it.
Think i need some thing to chew again later.
May be bread with water. Lets see when the
time comes...

Yesterday munna and i went to buy fresh
fish near our hotel. I left at 4pm bus and
reached hotel at 4.30pm. We took withdraw
money from atm and went to Deli and bought
chicken pie and spring roll. We than walked
the path to the fish market.. The journey was
long and as we went by we came across this
villa. What was special about was that this
villa was doing vegetation agricultre. It was
like when i was in malaysia where i had done
my own farm. It was so greenary and lively.
And i even had the cheeks to pick a leaf
from a lime tree. One of my usual habit of
plucking and smelling it. The very fresh of
lime. Aaahh.. Felt great..
Along the way as we walked munna and i
had a great time talking about the time in
Nepal. The year 1999 where we went for
the holiday in Nepal. As we chatted the
journey was shotter. And we arrived the
place. But there was mosque instead and
crossed the road. When we were on the
other side of the road we saw the mall. It
was blocked by the mosque and that has
caused for us to cross the road. We went
in the mall and went to the fish section and
kept checking the fish until we decided
what we wanted to buy. It was Scad fish.
After we bought the fish, we were coming
out and bus 32 just happen to arrive. We
rushed to catch the bus. Along the way
i was thinking how pack sangrila pick
up point was going to be for us to catch
the bus. And munna told me why not we
catch the bus at Traders. That was a brillant
idea and we wont have to squeeze with the
rest of the people. The people were very
packed at sangrila but munna and i was in
the comfort of our seat. That night munna
 and i cooked the steam fish. The ingrident
we used was salt and pepper spread in the
fish. After which we put in the aluminium
foil and put the rest of the ingrident. Red
carrot, garlic, ginger, chilli, olive oil and
spring onion. The cooking time was 3o
minute. We had it with rice and kept for
Kopila and i bought back 4 fish. Gave one
to Rudra, one to Mika and one to Shearlou.
After that i darnk and i think i drank too
much and i had to cook egg cause the
side dishes was not enough.

Well nows like 1554hrs and before i had
a chat with this AC technician. Offered
them tea and bread. I also watched how
they disassemble the AC unit. Maybe
one of this days i will try on the kitchen
AC. Need to make my hands more skillful.

Chatted with ramila and too much we chatted
about her job and stuff. Finally talked to mom
and she told me not to fight with my future
wife. And i asked her how to when she would
be staying with them. She could not answer and
i told her of my life and my ear. Any way i have
told her i will get married and probably next
year.I feel so relef from this and i also finished
my last stick.

Munna called me and told me i have to go for
my national ID on 7th at 5.30pm. Finally my
turn has come to make my ID... Just informed
Htin my S.L about my national ID and i will be
working in the morning. And 5.30pm heading
to making the ID...

1604hrs and listening to my own song that
i recorded in the early afternoon. Making me
feel good and i will be doing live song soon.
See if there is any more room for
improvement or changes in the lyric.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

2349hrs
4th Dec 2011

In my mind is 'why do you have to hurt me' i know i
have hurt you soo much. But thats was beacuse i
am deaf in one ear. All i wanted was for you to be
happy. But i am very wrong.. i am hurt so much that
i feel worthless. Why..

any way i still want to get married next year and start
a family and move on............

Saturday, December 03, 2011

0047hrs
4th December 2011

Came back 30 minute earlier from work. Gave an
escuse of 'i am sick'. Actually i wanted to drink.
Cant believe my supplier just gave me a free
bottle. Dont know but i know i am loya to him.
I always pay him in time and maybe he wants me
to be his regular customer. But i know i will try
to drink less. Any way wanted to drink alone but
this guy Albert was awake and i offored him.
And here we are drinking.

Now i really want to get married. Gonna call
my parents in a few days and start planning when
i want to get married. I know its not going to be
perfect but i want to settle down and have kids.
I need to move on on life cause its waste of
time if i just idle around. I know its not going to
be easy but i will try my best. Really want to
get married. Dont know who will this special
angel will be. But i really want to find out and
move on in life.

Now is 0117hrs and my second pack started
already.. I had promised i will not drink too much
cause i have to be prepared for the future...


0156hrs.. still drinking...
bye for now
1322hrs
3122011

As you can see that the time is moving too fast
as i have to catch the but at 1400hrs. And i
dont have much time. BUt i am all prepared.
Just need to brush my teeth again before i
leave. Althought i had already burshed in the
morning, i need to brush again as i have been
smoking too much. Last night was horrible
so i was alking to the souk to buy cigarette.
As i was passing by Abra, i met an old couple
whom asked me if the boat will be coming.
I assured them it will come and tell them to
wait at the bench. When i met them all my
tension just disappeared just like that. I guess
this is called love and commitment. I just
asked myself how much have they faced
in life and they fought all that and here they
are together in their prime and still together.
Just this moment changed my mood and
it really felt wonderful. Any way i made my
way to buy my cigaret. I came back the
same way that i came and as i was nearing
the place i where i met the old couple.
I heard singing and clapping from the
distance. I rushed to see the commotion.
As i saw in the boat there were arabic
girls singing and clapping beautifully and
as the boat passed by me i saw the old
couple.. I happily waved at them and it
was really wonderful.

Just came back from my smoke and this
Maika was inside the other room. Well
she's coming here more often. She is
i guess Sherlo so called girl. I dont know
and i dont care. Waiting for the machine
to finish washing my cloth so that i can
dry them before i leave for work. Now
days i am updating my finance cause i
dont know where my money ends up.
Cause i have not saved till now and its
never late to start doing now. 

Shit cant believe i bought 2 packet cigaret
and the second pack left like 6 stick. Cant
believe i smoked too much yesterday.
Whats happening to me????

Time like 1344hrs and my cloth still not
ready to be dried.....Listening to 'Rabba
main toh mar gaya' good song. Another
love story of hindi movie which they are
very good at...

Feeling hungery and i still have like 30
more minute before i reach cafeteria and
have my lunch. I had breakfast from the
hotel meal plus a noodle and tea and still
now i feel my tummy empty. This is all
thanks to the cigaret reaction. NO other
answer cause this is the fact.

Just hanged my cloth casue finally my
cloth was ready and i dont have much
time left as i have to brush my teeth.
Got to get ready...

Thursday, December 01, 2011

1222hrs
01/12/2011

1st day of December. The last month of the year
and whats better way for it to be than the 1st day.
There is exactly 30 more days before 2012. How
fast my life is moving. Had chat with mom dad
and Ramila. Now they are offline and here i am
surfing. Morning had a morning jog and went
to gym. Did not did much in the gym but bought
my morning breakfast and had it and also bread
that i bought yesterday. Any way feeling very
fresh and there is like one and half hour before
i catch my bus to work. Listening to singapore
fm.... Playing christmas songs...

Look at me, Listen close, before i go... is the
song thats just started.   

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

2258hrs
30th Nov 2011

Salary was here and the service charge was not
bad around 950++. Its good if the service charge
was always like this. Went out with my sis to the
city and remitted and the exchange was 22.68
which is good and after we had Burger King.
It was very tasty in the first few bit but after which
the taste just disappeared. It like not like when
i first tried many years back. After which we walked
to out bus terminal where the bus comes to fetch.
Along the way we came too early and decided to
catch a taxi. And this ride was horrible. Instead
of the usual 30drm charge this greedy driver
took a long way and i had ended up paying
double. So pissed up that i felt like punching
him. But instead i just gave him the money and
left. Any way learned my lesson and i tried to
cool down as i did not want to hurt my sis. So
i just changed the subject to make her happy.
Well tomorrows afternoon shift and i need to
go for jogging and gym. Need to have a healthy
lifestyle. Now drinking.. and the drinks only
like 2 pack. Hope i can sleep with this.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

2223hrs
29th Nov 2011

Just came back from my sis place. Had dinner there.
We cooked chilli potato, tofu with egg and green
brocali whith peas, corn and tomatoes. The food
was fantastic and here i am too full and still have
not digested. So having a cup of medicine before
i go to sleep. Its the alternative solution for me to
get to sleep. Was suppose to be afternoon but my
colleague who is always sick called me last minute
to change the schedule. So have to sleep early for
the morning shift. Dont know what to say to this
person but any ways i am morning got to be
sleeping early.

May be another pack for better sleep. Least its not
like yesterday where i had too much that in the
morning i was still soo high. And the day just
went by in sober mood. Was suppose to exercise
but am too lazy. Need to work out or my tummy
will give way...

Just poured another cup and this will be my last.
Any way logging off now...

Monday, November 28, 2011

1841hrs
28th November 2011

Well its evening and my off was fucking wasted.
Did nothing but just wasted my day and here i am
just got a bottle and just had my first sip. I had
told myself no more but its useless. A whole day
was a hell but now i am going to be in heaven.
Surfing some japanese chicks and listening to
music. Makes it even better. How i wish i was not
here but instead in Malaysia... even if it meant that
i would have died there. What wasted time was that
i got this fucking good idea and i wasted it without
a fight. I would had earned my money but i wasted
it and fucking shit i went back. All that shit time
and thinking just went down the toilet bowl. Why
i dont know why i was so addicted to gambling.
Still now i dont know why. Is it cause it is
addictive or was it that i did not had a life. Which
is which i still dont know and i dont know what i 
am doing now. All my life from 17 till 31 what
the hell was i doing. Or was it cause i did not have
a life or was i looking on the wrong side of lane.
Even if it is i told myself i will walk on the right
side of the lane when i left home to here
but whats the fucking point
here i realise i was one sided deaf and this was
what had caused me to be soo stupid and isolated.
And the best part i am sick of myself and just
struggling to live cause my existence is important
for my love ones. |For how long i dont know but
sometimes i just feel thats it time to fuck off
from this place than to struggle. Maybe this is
the answer. Fuck career fuck friends fuck
everything... I just got to bring myself to be
happy and find the right place. May be i should
leave. Why stay when i am not happy and why
anyways my sibling are old enough. They can
take care of themselves. Hipppiiiooo i got the
answer... let me wait and see for another month.
I dont care if i become poor or a begger as long
i am happy thats it... One more month...

Its simple and i wasted my fucking time for
nothing...

Listening to Rick Astley songs. Reminds me of
the time when i was primary 6N. I was crazy in
love with Chai Hui Ping... Hnag on it not love,
its i had a crush on her. Haha.. Cant believe i
am having the same stupid crush till now...
But this time i really want to get married and
have a kid. I want to be a good father thats why
i cant just go crazy here. I want to be strong so
that i will give my best for my kids in the future.
I have to be smart and i can be. Dont want to
worry about this fucking ear.

Still surfing chicks cause i am a man and i aint
gay.. Hahha...

Gonna change my blog add to another add...
1433hrs
28th Nov 2011

Just had an hour of nap as i felt too bored. Today
is my off and its part of the day thats i like to
do. Woke up in the morning and got bread and
coffee from the shop and even the morning pack
from the housing office. For lunch just cooked
lunch and had pork that my room mate had
cooked yesterday. After which was surfing and
got my lunch from the housing and not forgetting
bought my cigarette. Here i am now blogging.

Its good to be controlling my smoke as i had
only 2 stick from 9am. Feeling good and feeling
too cold. Going to off the AC,..

Been checking my account but the money not
deposited yet and i guess i have to wait for it.

Tomorrow's my last morning shift and after
which i am afternoon. I guess i will miss
morning and i have to accept that.

Sometimes the little things that we have are the
best part of our life. Cause if we go too fast
than we have to be fast and thats why i am
satisfied by the little things. As i am slow.

Having green tea. ONe of the good health
drink.

I just clicked and this song ''Gives you Hell"
OHhhhhhhhh gives me memory of Malaysia.
Remember the time when i used to sing in the
place and wrote the lyric in my book and sang
along the song. Man i am activeeee caompared
to before. I cant believe i was that person and
all the things that i did. Oh that memory and
i am very happy now. Ha ha....

Well i guess life here is so boring and i guess
i have to say its better casue the danger i used
to live passed by without being in danger. I
guess i was extremely lucky to have passed it.
I have keep it aside and use that experience to
make me better in my life.

And i guess i have to change back to
sumanraistoryforyou cause thats the original
of me and the starting of my blog.

Any way thats it...

Sunday, November 27, 2011

1856hrs
27/11/2011

I am feeling very tired and sick cause last light i woke
up around 2 am and today work was tough as i had
to work at the cooling tower. Not only way the work
tough the weather was against me. This has caused
my body to weaken i am feeling very weak. I will be
having an early night. Sleep is what i need to
re-energise my body system. Any way just checked
my account and the salery will likely come by 30.
Cause today is public holiday and if even if the
money is deposited it will at least take 2 to 3
working days. Any way i just need more rest.. Got
to sleep. Well thats it for now...Zzzzzzzzz

Saturday, November 26, 2011

the time is like 255am a very early morning
of 26th November 2011. I woke up around an
hour ago cause i slept at 8pm after i came back
from work. I felt very exhausted from work and
decide to call an early sleep thats why i am
fresh from my beauty sleep. Althought i am
fresh but my back is not feeling comfortable.
Any way i had dinner at the cafeteria and that is
one of the reason why i could sleep. Any way
after i woke up i made myself a maggie noodle
and had a Pepsi drink cause i was looking for
coffee but there isnt any. My new blog address
seems cool but i guess i am still not used to it
for its new and maybe it will take time for me.

Now i am surfing some youtube and i just had
a smoke. The night is very silent and very
peaceful for me stay up and surf.

Well i guess thats it for today morning cause
i dont feel like writing and my brain not thinking
well so gonna call it for today....

Friday, November 25, 2011

2359hrs
25th November 2011

SUMANRAISTORYFORYOU was my blog
name for like 5 years and decided to change it to
 tryingtochangemylifesumanrai from this day as i
feel i need to change and i have changed. Well i
feel i am a new man and it gives me great joy in
life to start anew. I have come so far in life and
i want to start of new by changing everyday and
be grateful that i am alive and happy. I guess thats
it for me and will write more in the coming days
to come...GOOD NIGHT AND TO MY NEW
BLOG...  KEEP ON WRITING...
2115hrs
25th November 2011

I am lying on my bed and listening to Kiss the rain
by Billie Myers. And i am feeling very tired and
sleepy. Just had my shower cause i had went jogging
and had my dinner packet. Feel like i can sleep with
out cooking. Today was a busy day for me as the
work was quite busy. It went pretty well for i enjoyed
every moment of the day. Just switched on the AC and
i feel i dont have much to write cause i am feeling
very sleepy. |Guess i will wake up early cause when
i sleep early like before 10 i will usually wake up
around 12 or 1am. Lets see.. too tired..

Thursday, November 24, 2011

0146am
25th November 2011

Hope you are reading this. Just wanted to share with
you my thoughts.

Good night. Need to sleep later morning shift.
1310 hrs
24th November 2011

Ah... there is like 50 more minutes before i
catch my bus to work. And i am still not doing
what wisdom is all about. See thats me just
killing time and when the situation arises
i am all red and lost. I guess this is what i
like about me. Cause i say one thing and not
putting any effort in the saying. How fucking
lame am i.

1313 hrs.. cool number and its the number
of the time on my right hand side of my note
book. My eye sometimes just crosses to check
the time and number it gives.

Going for a smoke, thought i will not buy for
today but my hand was itchy to spend the money
and the chain reaction is my health declining.
Good Suman.. Keep it up... MOney problem..
health problem.. Mood problem... Appetite
problem... and so on.
Well its 1324 hrs.. just came back from smoking
and before that i hung my laundry. Speaking of
laundry, life here is very easy. Just stuff the
cloth in the washing machine and press start.
Reminds me of Malaysia where i had to wash
my own cloth and i got used to it. I used to
wash all my cloth ftom bet sheet to my every
thing. And how fast i used to wash my jeans.
Think i took like 10 minutes or less. Its a
record for the fact for me. Ha ha.. And instead
of using washing soap i used LUX soap. Yes
the one which we used to take shower. The
one reason why i used LUX was if i use the
washing soap, the cloth stinked and i found
bathing soap was better. But i also learned
to use LUX efficently. The foam that was
left of the first cloth, i used it on the 2nd
cloth. By which i just apply less LUX soap
for the following cloth. Just cant imagine
here just throw it in the machine and just
press the START.

Again nice number 1331hrs... My eyes just
scanned the time and its a nice number... ha ha

I just went to FAcebook and checked my profile.
Man my status is married. Well better leave it
like that. Any way thinking what to wear for my
upper body. For the lower body i am going to
wear my new jeans. Need to seasoned it. The
more seasoned, the better. Any way her BD is
coming. Guess i will just greet her. If by
chance, oh forget it... Any way i will be 34 next
year and how my time is going so fast. And i
would have spent like 2,937,600 second of my
life by next year. Can you just imagine how
my time is ticking non stop since the day i
came into this beautiful world. By which the
ticking can also be refered to my heart. Always
beating no matter what situation i am in. Always
beating... Need to look after it cause once its
stop, everything stops for me. I will do my
very best to take care of myself. But the brain
is the problem. I will try to compromise this
2 important body parts of mine. OK you 2
did you hear what i am saying. Make my life
better and i will make better choices in life.

Time 1341hrs... Need a smoke and wear my
shoes and see if i am looking good in the mirror.

Reapplied my hair with wax and smoke and
wore my blue checked shirt that i bought in
malaysia. Its small but i need to wear it before
 it becomes old. The times is 1357 and i will
be logging off need to catch the bus to work.
Chow..

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

24th November 2011
1021am

What can i say.... Listening to Normal Academy
'Ghairo Akha' one of the song composed by
ex GC bhanjas in usa. The kid i used to remember
has good talent. Back than he used to be a
normal kid. And here he is making full use of
his life. Guess the right word would be make
the best use of your life.

I look at myself and i cant change is all thats i
know. Its just waste of my time only thinking
and imaginig. This fucking life is after all my life
which i cant change. One of the biggest reason is
that i got my life answer here, and where i found
my answer is not the place to stay and i decided
to leave.Find a new place and new life. I am just
 waiting  for that. I am hoping DV will work out
and in the mean time i will try to improvise myself.
Or else there are many opportunity out there.
Every thing takes time and being patience and
improving is the key to it. I know i am very
better than before and am striving to be better.
But sometimes it brings me crashing down back
to square one. I know i just cant just give up thats
why i am able to write.

Time only 1038hrs and i will be working in the
afternoon and next month straight afternoon. And
i guess thats back to basic like before when i just
recently moved to HVAC. Dont want the old
habit to repeat. Lets see. Cause the 2 AL that i
took, i planned something but ended up doing
nothing. So fucking wasted and what can the
afternoon shift would be like. Cant imagine.

So fuck it and fucking live. Am listening to
NIrvana 'Come as you are'. I feel like the song is
sickening me. Back i used to go crazy over it.
Maybe its time to change.

I just changed the player. sick of the shit. And...
Nothing much to say. thats it. chow.... 
24th November 2011
0122 hrs

Very early in the morning and i just came back
from work. It was very fine and i am talking
but the hearing at the cafeteria was not so good.
Its tough to concentrate and i am getting lost
for time to time. Cant do much about it and..
Hate to write all this shit. .

Today morning was not a bad day had. I think
overall my day went pretty well and i will try
to sleep cause i want to make my sleeping
pattern normal.

Any way there is nothing special that happened
to me and as above what i wrote it sounds
very lifeless. I want to write but nothing
coming out of my head. Well i will try to sleep.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

2112hrs
22nd November 2011

2nd Last month of the year and all the memory that
was made weather in good times or bad times. What
can i say about it. Looking back how i wonder i have
come so far in life and wish i could just play back
what had passed in my life. But i cant
and in memory only could i try to recall it. All i can
say is  IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF MY
LIFE AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT EVEN
MORE MEMORABLE NEXT YEAR. Although
there is like a month more for next year its good
to express before hand. How life is worth even if i
am worthless. Its the uniqueness of me and thats
the best part of me. No one can copy me and i
guess i am the original. So what better way is to
write it in words and read it back when time tells
me to.

Tuesday is the day and i had a maggie georang and
butter with bread and sandwich form the hostel
dinner package.

Now i am trying a new song and i am stuck after
the first few lines... Its goes like...'' Kaati Ramri,
Kaati Ramri. Suhaai aahhhh koo. Maana Chornea,
Maana Chornea. Muskan dee ya ko." After this i
am stuck and cant go on as my Nepali is not
good. But i kind of like the tone and i feel good
that i composed it myself although it only around
20 second of song. I hope that i can complete this
song with meaning to it. Hopefully...

Any way work was ok and by the way i am
afternoon shift tomorrow just replacing my
colleague. Its 2 days of afternoon and as the month
is almost ending and SALARY round the corner.
Money Money,,, My hard earned moneys coming.
Looking forward to it. Hope the 5% of 11 month
comes and 5% incriment as well. Back few weeks
i had been calculating and planned some event
of the money. Lets see at the end of the month.

Time 2140hrs and how time moves so fast and
looking at the time i have not done much today.
Feeling wasted cause wisdom is time and nothing
can bring it back once it passed. I have to be more
wiser or the time will tick away and i have to
blame myself and when that happens time moves
even more faster. Which i can say stupidity will
only remain of me.

Any way nowadays i am playing SUDUKO a
game or 9 by 9 numbers on the grid. Currently
i have finished 50 of the 100 games and hope
to finish all soon. Once i start, i have to finish
it. And its makes my mentality better. And
currently i am smoking less but today i just
bought a pack and i am feeling bad about it.

I guess thats it for now and hope to write
more. Chow for now.....

Monday, November 21, 2011

I have like only 5 minute to write cause i missed the
first bus at 7 and i am taking 730pm but to my sis
place. going for dinner. Any way it 1925hrs and
21/11/2011...
Now listening to Poison.. every rose has its throne..
And now i have like 4 minute... Its like how time
is so precious and i dont have much of it and
i have to rush. Anyu way going to log off
for now.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

20/11/2011
0721hrs

Woke up 20 minutes ago and had orange and did my
shit. My head is feeling heavy from the drink that i
had last night. Finished half the bottle which is not
good for the body but when i start i cant stop till
i drop dead. Well i guess life is a party sometimes.
Very fresh early in the morning and looking forward
for the day to see how todays going to be. Listening
to singapore fm station and going to make myself
bread.....
Just finished my bread and a smoke and my room
mates going to sleep as he just came back from work
. Just to bad for him cause i am afternoon shift and
he night shift.

Well today is a special day and life moves on no
matter what. I am optimistic about it...

Friday, November 18, 2011

18-11-2011
2158hrs

Just finished my dinner, had maggi noodle. First i
boiled the water and added 'sookiti' also known as
dried buffalo meat which Ramila had sent it from
Nepal. It was very spicy as the dried meat is mixed
with all the spices and especially chilli. Feeling
very full and need to let my tummy digest before
i sleep. Just opened youtube and played 'Kaha timro
mayalui lai' a very old song which was played at
Singapore Dashin festival at the drill shed. I was
very fond of the tone and it has special memory
of the festival and other things that happened
at Singapore. Just cant believe i have become so
old but believe i have not aged at all. I know i
am lonely but what can i do except to feel as
though i am happy. I know i was lost in space and
i am trying to move and every day is challenging.
Like today while having lunch as usual i was
trying to get life and suddenly i hear a ringing
in my ear. My only one ear which is the sound
of eveything was ringing and i felt so scared as
i have read such problem and the effect is
deafness. I could feel my sight loosing cause of
the emotion i was feeling. So i quickly finished
my lunch and made my way out to avoide the
noisy environment. And the rest of the day was
one hell of a day as i could not concentrate my
work. So i bought a new cigratte and my day
was smoking all the way. Finally around late
evening i told myself. If i loose my only ear
than i will accept it. But i will try to prevent it
by seeing the doctor. Any way so far i am
feeling ok and i have not have that proble. Went
jogging and did some light exercise.

Well i think i should call it a day for my blog
and thinking of resting.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

0425hrs 18-11-2011

I was awake 20 minutes ago and made myself coffee
and smoked 2 cigarette. Guess its part of my daily
dose and i have like 2 more stick left. Dont know
how will my day go without it. I still have like 2
hours left to catch the bus to work. Here i am very
freah from my sleep as i slept at 10pm in the evening
last night and i had like 5 hours of sleep. Its good
that i had a good sleep. Remembering back than i
could not sleep for like 5 days from 8th to 12th Nov.
The only time i slept was like 1 hour or 2 hour
per day. I just could not sleep than and finally on
the 4th day i had wisky to put me to sleep. I guess
i am getting back to normality. Now listening to
some hindi song just to get me in the mood.

I just dont know what else to write cause my
brain getting blank and the songs are making me
sick.... Just changed new song 'Rancid' 'old frind'
One of my classic from the past. Its pretty exciting
as the intro starts off like 'Good morning Heart ache'
. Its sure is, my heart ache.... And i guess its good
to listen to such melidious song... and after which
listen to 'crying in my beer' by 'screeching weasel'
Just so perfect for the morning life to start my
off with. '''wHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU
HAPPY'''. 'cRYING IN MY BEER'. Any way its
good that i am enjoying the song rather than
the hindi song which is too much fantasy. Really
sick of the dancing and singing,, makes life more
miserable after watching such movies and songs.
Lets live in reality.....

By the way last night around 9pm after i came back
from my sis room. I had just changed and i just
wanted to sit on my bed. As i put my ass on my bed,
on of the support from the bed rack just broke
and luckily it broke at that moment. Or else my
laptop would have smashed cause most of the
time i leave it below my bed. Lucky escape or
else i would not be writing here now. After which
i broke the remaning 2 more support and removed
it from my bed. And now my bed is just on the
floor. Its good this way cause its the changes
of the moment.

Any way the time is 0454hrs and i am going
for a smoke. Feel like i need to inhale some
smoke for now.

Well i am back from my cigarette and its one
of my best friend other than Wisky. Wish Beer
was with me but this is middle east and wisky
is more convenient than beer. You know
what i mean. Affordable and less hassel.
I feel high after that smoke and i just watch
'Rancid' concert in Japan. Thinking of making
a tatoo. I think its cool. Maybe i will when
i go vacation. I have something on my mind.

Any way the early morning going smoothly
and going to do some push ups and sit ups.
Like the saying goes 'A healthy man is a
wealthy man'. There is many defination to
this pharse, And for me is as long i am
healthy i get to see another beautiful day.
How wonderful it is to move forward and see
the events unfold in my very eyes.

0511hrs and may be i will surf till 0530 and do
other stuff cause its not good to surf too long
to.

I guess i have to stop for now and do other stuff.
Life's a life after all and its time to stop here.
Chow for now..............

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

1308 hrs and its 16.11.11 and its a beautiful
afternoon cause i refer back my blog from
yesterday and it gave me all the good memory
from the past even though it was not good than.
It made me so... its hard to explain but i really
felt relieved cause.. damn.., did i did all those
things. I spent a great deal of time to enjoy the
moment as i read on and on.

Any way today i am in the afternoon shift and
i hate afternoon shift but i have to relief my
colleague cause its his off. And tomorrow
i am back to morning shift.

Any way i have labelled my imagination as
'Secondary' cause its not relevant to me and
its sure is a waste of time to imagine. But
it was out of control back and thats why
i am trying my best to control it. "Secondary"
i hope to overcome you and change for sure.
It will take time but i am willing to take the
time and change. I for sure i will overcome
it cause i am changing, even though people
are very far ahead of me and i am so back
to catch up with them. But i dont regret cause
even if i am slow least i know what my
problem was. So satisfied i am and no other
words to describe myself. Thanks for this
blog that i can share myself to see who i was
back than and how far have i came in this
life. One of the most important person i
would like to thank 'HER' cause i was able
to find my weakness which i have been
trying to find for the past 32 years. And again
'HER' cause i realise i should not be afraid
even if i have an disadvantage. And again
''HER'' cause i was always in an world
of my own. Wish i could do something
about it.......................


Any way its 1325.. thats like 35 minute
more to catch my bus.. have to start
preparing to go to work....

As always chow for now...

Friday, November 11, 2011

11/11/11
11th November 2011

The second last year before this special number will
come again in a centuary time. Of course i would be
dead by than. And i feel very special to be living in this
kind of special moment. Well i hope to live even
though my obsticles are far more difficult than most
of the people. I guess this is the so called 'LIFE'. And its
gets more exciting as each days goes on. I guess the right
word is to think of it in a different way. And i am alive
and kicking................................................

Sunday, November 06, 2011

319am 7th of November

I have over came my fear of my life. Lonelyness is
what i will face. But i realise i must try my very
best to have less imagination or it will kill me.
So far tell you the truth i am really hurt but its
good that she has someone who makes her happy.
Is it not what i had wanted for her. It is and i will
cry as well as smile. Its the sacrifice a man has to
give in moment like this. In this i found out who
i am and one of the important thing for me is to
reveal myself or fight for myself. Since i have no
one than i have to be strong. I dont know how my
life will move from here. BUt lets see in the
coming days thats will come and if not i will
decide. I just dont want to be crazy or die for
nothing. I have survive one of the crazyest things
that have happened to me so far from my moving
life and i cant stop here. But something tells me
i might quit this job and go back. Lets see how?
Well this is it for now. My life moves on but
in a different way hopefully.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

0841am

31st October 2011, last day of the month and 2 more month
before 2012. How time moves and how far i have come.
Listening to Warrent "Haven". It an old song from the 90's.
Brings back memories of the days that i used to...
Kind of not sure what i did but for sure this was the song
that i listened and one of the first english song that i listend
to. I mean i was very young than maybe less than 10 years or
maybe a bit older. Well its sure is wonderful to listen to it
and what better way to cherish it than to be listening to it.
And by the way my local leave started from 27th Oct and it
will end on the 7th Nov. I am enjoying the vacation and its
been going smoothly. 28th celebrated 'Tihar' and it was a
joyus occassion. Kopila and Sarita put 'Tika' and it the bond
between us thats keeps me going on. And not forgetting
dolly in Nepal. We chatted on skype and its wonderful to
be united even if we are far apart. Well got to shut down
the notebook for now... and i will be back again...

Sunday, October 02, 2011

The time 2338 and date 2nd of October..
My 1st day of annual leave by which actually extra off and off than
will the AL starts. Any way it does not matter cause i am already
starting my off. Well what can i say... it did went pretty well as
the day went smoothly. Now still surfing the net since the whole
day. Least i did went jogging which has made me a bit more
healthier compared to if i had not went jogging. Kudos to me..
I mean sometimes its good to self compliment. Any way i dont
know when i will be able to sleep cause i did slept in the afternoon
and i am still feeling very much fresh. Hope i will write a history
for today cause its been very very long since i have blogged.

Ok now chewing gum at this hour, my mouth was itchy so just
chewing for the sake of it.

Just smoked a cigarette and here i am. How time tick away and
it already 2359. going to surf cause i am kind of blank for now.

Well as for me this is enough for today..

Thursday, September 08, 2011

08/09/2011 2131hrs

First of all before i start,,,, i just like the number 13...
How much must i complain in my life... is it the fate of the
chosen ones... i just want to live a normal life,, is it too
much for asking??? finally the time for 'out of sight, out
of mind' is coming... Can i be stronger after this?? i doubt...
I know where ever i go i will find the same fucking problems..
So whats the answer for me... i dont know and i dont even
want to know.. i want to think no more... i just want to get high
and sleep...

Just cant imagine i came to this time... 34 just round the corner
and i just cant stop time and my heart beat just goes on..
do i feel happy about it... i dont really know the answer...
i just try to live..

how long must i think....

Monday, September 05, 2011

an early morning time 0639 060911 and i am as fresh as the bird.
Having black coffee and surfing the net with singapore fm station
Thinking of cleaning the room and staying fresh. The radio's playing
some good music and its making my early day looking good. Like
i say its the mood thats matter and lets see how the day will end.
So much has happened till now and how much i have thought of
my life has come so far and i dont know if it will actually have an
affect and will it really change. But most of the time its just a
repetance of my damaged thought. Its just repetance and i know
it but its just repeate and i just cant help it. Its just out of control
will be a perfect defination. Just let the thought do its part cause
its job is its own. Than later on i will try to compromise and do
my part to change and balance my self.

9 month is left for my vacation and i hope i will hang on till than.
I have to do it and i believe its the way of moving forward.
How time has moved to fast and how i wish to do so much
but...

I dont have much to say cause my minds like empty and
i guess thats it for this..

Sunday, August 07, 2011

07/08/2011
1355pm..

I cant seem to live without blogspot. Its been

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Time 0052 17th July 2011....

How time moved so fast and where am i?
Finally i realise who i am and i can do nothing
about it. How can i change whats wrtitten for me?
Hate it but i have to live it. Do i have a choice?
Really really hate it...
Tried to sleep but just could not enter the dreamland
and here i am in cyber land surfing. Best part i made
myself a coffee that i had bought in the evening.
Am not planning to sleep cause the saying goes
sleeping is a waste of time. So i will drink coffee
all night long and surf.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Here i am, and how i forgot to... you know what
 i mean. 18th June 2011 time 0320.. cooking...
Came from gym and making my food before bed.
Life is going smooth and learning and researching
who i am. Good that i am improving.. i think..
Least i have not forgot this site..
Looking forward for my sis, she will be coming
on the 23rd and i am pretty excited.. Any ways i
dont have much to say and i will end it here..

Saturday, May 14, 2011

210am 15th May 2011

After countless days of drinking, here i am very fresh
from the gym. Did a thread mill jog and a bit of
workout. I was not expecting this day to come but
it did. So much has happen and too many thought
in the mind. Its too difficult to control the mind and
it gets out of hand most of the time. Cant control it
and cant hear clearly. This is why i have difficulty
releating to conversations. How same things am i
going to write and its the same with my thoughts.
Its spinning the same thing round and round with
a bit of changes here and there.

As a kid when i was like maybe 10 (dont know
exactly what age or the period) together with my
sister we used the sofa to built house and played
around. The sofa had 10 set, big one had 6 set of
sofa and the other 2 had 2 set each. How fond
memories to remember now cause thats how our
childhood had been spent and thats not all. There
are others memory too. Its just too difficult to
explain in sentances and words. Hope i can write
it more better the next time.

Its 222am and i think i need to get another
water melon. This was bought by my room mate
Arvin and its almost drying up cause its been in
the fridge for almost 5 days (maybe). Any way
i know it will end up in the garbage so i tried it
and its fresh as it just been cut from whole. Only
the outer area looks dry and stale. So excuse me
for a while i need to get a slice cause i had cut it
just before i started typing. Am back and its very
juicy and i just happen to see an orange that i had
bought back 3 days ago, my hotel meal. Guess its
going to be vitamin C for my supper...

Listening to 95m from Singapore and it classic
hits for the night.

Thats all for today, surfing wikipedia.com

Saturday, May 07, 2011

08-05-11

Life going smoothly and am hearing
'i was born this way' sounds true...
Ok nothing much just that audit is starting
tomorrow and lets see how it goes.
Good night for now.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

0133 and 4th of April.

I always had this weird feeling of number 13 back in
Malaysia. It had always been a bad number from people
thinking. And my employment number was 00113 in
VS industry. I always had difficulty with it cause the
number always appeared. Like my time the street and
other areas. I used to think i was jinxed than and now
sometimes i come across it and i have the same feeling
with this number. Guess my thought has not changed.

Later my best friend Roya Stag is coming may be 4..
Lets see... Need to some to my A/C too. Never too late
than never cause it will be handy when the time comes.
Listening to Blink 182 and enjoying the music.

Will be trying to have an early night.. Well i guess this
is growing up.... By 182..

Good night  :-)

P.S- Life goes on....

Thursday, April 28, 2011

time is 0326 and its 29th April 2011..

April is ending and May round the corner and wow..
How things moves and i am very fresh cause i came
back from gym and i am very focused and its a good
thing. Wish it was like this every day but it aint
a fairy tale. Have to cherish and hope for it and hope
it happens more often. Just made myself a noodle
cause need to feed my tummy cause without it
my brain will not work and my life might stop.
Its a chain cycle and its good. Just had it and it
tastes sooo fantastic.

Any way salery came and its 2562. Maybe the last 2
digit is not so precise cause i cant access my account
cause its blocked cause i wanted to try to add a icon
for phone credit access. But i couldnt remember my
security question and it jammed my account. Tried
to call the bank but half way it ended cause my credit
ran out. Well i can only access it tomorrow when i
top up credit and call again. But for the first 2 number is
absolutely correct.

My noodle is almost finished and i can feel that its
not enough for my tummy and i might cook one more.
Ya i will cook now.

I am back and my noodle is ready.. Just need to mix the
noodle and the ingrident.
The noodle that i am having is Indo Mei-Fried noodle
Mee Georang.
The good thing about is that 'Its fast to cook and good
to eat'. A famous 'Maggie Mee' Quato.
Any way enjoying it.

I was supposed to be studying about my A/C theory..
But here i am..

Well this is for today and i will be logging off from
this.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

the time 1343 and date 26-04-11

Life is going on and i had nightmare yesterday and
i am a bit scared of the dream i had.
And i  am trying to live a better place.
Bye for now.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

24th April 20111...

Well i am a new man and i live a strong person.
New mission and a better life.
too much things to achieve.
So i move.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Well i left for the beach after work. And i threw it  away
the feeling for her cause i know it wont work. I will
only hurt you more when you are with me. I realise i cant
love you cause i am almost damaged. I realise it so
late that i am miserable and i cant do anything about.
Wish i could leave this place. May be i can using other
alternative. Later need Royal Stag. And it will be.
Nothing more to write except... 

Monday, April 18, 2011

1334hrs

I have like 20 more minutes to leave for work. Kind
of feeling bored and lazy. Not much improvement
at work. I try hard but lazyness and habitual is lacking
my way. ok i dont feel like writing anymore.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

1336 and getting ready to leave for work.

New day to start with and looking forward to better.
Well i know it will come back to the same thing.
Least i am playing my part.. ha ha

Very fresh and it a sunny afternoon to begain the
day with. Thinking of nothing much and thats it
for the day,

Saturday, April 16, 2011

17th April 2011
0309 hrs

Cant sleep, got up and had my shower and now surfing.
Well life seems too impossible to adapt. But i will
keep trying and i need more inspiration and a positive
attitude. I hope i will move on and on. The music is
kind of nice and making me up.

Life is going on and few days back i downloaded my
voice journal and kind of made me smile and stupid.
Same things repeated every day and the silly things
i did. Was a memory and i have come this far and i
dont know if i have changed at all. I feel as if back
than was better than now cause i feel as if this time
is worse off than that time. Always in trouble than
now as if i have no life at all. Only thing is i now
know who i am and why was i unique. But i cant
change a thing about it. Too depressing and
frustration. Lets see how far can i go on.

Ok so when i was sleeping and i was trying to think
of a paradise of greenary. Trees, grasses, animal and
all other nature. I was trying to put my self at that
location and live the moment. But the mind so
messed up that it wondered to other area. Tried
hard but no success and instead 4 Roya stag appeared.
Later i thought what could it be releating. And i assume
since i am not fincally able and cant return back or move
on to other area the only way for me to calm was the
4 Royal Stag. Am accepting it and lets see what happens
cause now its 324hrs and if i can make it in the morning
i will go and get it. My only friend for my life cause
only it understand it. Although it ruins my health it
really makes me happy. I dont care what tomorrow may
come i live for the moment. Cause for tomorrow to
come you have to live for the moment.


I guess i ought to log off for now... i will leave for the
other days to write and while i will surf for relexation.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Now 905am and i am all set to go to the city to get my
energy drink. Its a necessaty for a man like me. Have
not slept from yesterday and its going to be like 24hrs
if i come back on time. And hopefully i am going to
sleep than. I am happy and life goes on and i feel very
positive and looking towards for the days of my chapter
of my role play in an everyday life. Smells fresh and
ohhhhhh.. Its going to be a toxicating for the next 2 days..
ha ha.. singing too... and not forgetting cooking..
got to go..
12th was gone and 13th

Today was Benidicto Junior and Thia farewell and
i am sure very happy for them espically B.J. I am
proud and wish i had said something but i was not.
Well i guess i am dumb and useless. Ok no regrats,
least i was there cause no use regretting. i will cherish
the time we worked and it was one of my happiest
time that i had enjoyed my time. Best of wishes to you
and so long...

Sunday, April 10, 2011

My verdict...
I am ok..
I just need my 3 Royal Stag...
Need to enjoy..
Than work hard...
Life has a road map..
Need to find it or make it..
Good night..

Saturday, April 09, 2011

336am
I think what am i?
Why?
What must i do the wrong thing every time.
I know i hurt you even deeper.
Thought it was better for the both of us.
Than i come back and i really hate myself.
It would have been better if i could have
put a smile on your face.
You dont deserve this and so do i.
I could have changed and you could have
been my angle.
Even devil need affection and so do i.
So what do i do next??
Should i start a different approach cause
everyone is ment for someone.
You would have accepted it too.
Cause we are suffering in silence and
i am not doing much.


I will try one more time to take your
heart and if it does not work..
I know it will work cause you are
very hurt i can feel it cause i am
getting messages,,, like my finger got
hurt and its just not a finger, its the one whose
veins is closest to the heart.
Will try to put a smile on later and i know i can.
Cause we are ment to be together......


Good luck to me and please dont do something
carzy cause you are a strong lady.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

5th April 2011..

I am flying... i am listening to music by Rod Steward songs.
Its not that i am particularily listening to it, it just appeared
from the bunch of songs that i am playing. Now i just forward
it and the next is 'November rain'. Dont think i need to mention
artist cause its a classic and one of the best of the 80's. Ok..
So here i am todays my off and i am trying to make it as
meaningful as i can cause i was almost insane yesterday cause
sometimes it happens and i guess my faith saved me from it.
And i am happy that i am not going to the city to buy 'poison'.
I mean alcohal for the fact. Its good thing that i am trying to
change cause.. Well lets see for this section. Cause action
speaks louder than words.
|Its almost 1014am and i am feeling hungry.. need to do some
sopping.. so gonna log off for now.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Well yesterday 24th March i cut my hair to 13 cm in lenght
and its going to be like that for almost 6 month. Need to do
some changes like the season.. Now doing some light exercise
cause i need to and its part of me.. thats all for now..

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Well its late at night or better early morning.. 0143am
if you know what i mean. just came back from work
and am ready to bed soon and thought of surfiing
before i move ahead and here i am..
Lately been playing TT. and  i dont know if i am
improving or becoming worse cause from the games
that i had played so far. Its totally different cause some
times i am doing great and sometimes i play like i just
started playing. I dont know what kind of skill i should
call it?? It just that whoever i play with my skill will
copy the other person skills. So its like a replica of the
other skill.

Any my life is cool this time round guess i am controlling
my emotion myself cause others emotion comes from
other sourses. Well i think i must try to master this
skill cause its will be very useful compared to others as
this is a bonus skill that i guess i have. Lets see how far
i can go with it and how much i can improve it. Its life
after all. Tomorrow is a challange and i have to face it
and move on and the only way to life is live and move
on. Always look forward and never look back and stop
sometimes cause that is the time to accept the stop.
Its life cause there needs to be some break time too.
It part of life and part of every one.

Good night for now  and i need to sleep cause like i
said 'stop' is important to every day life. Do i have to
say more than this...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Well some of my mobile phone photos

Sunday, February 27, 2011

27th Feburary 2011
time 12:52

how time flies as before i started to write this i was thinking
it was 2010.. My mind is not following the current affair and
i guess i must have to buck up my thoughts and move and
catch up with many things that i have missed so far. Now let
me go to youtube for some show.

I am back and just watched a Coca Cola advertisement. It
tell the story of how this drink can change the atmosphere
in a communnity of people. Its actually more of a marketing
theme to grab the attention of people and the viewers of the
TV and giving a message that coke is a offical choice for the
world..

Well again i am checking the other ads..
I am heating the Daal and am going to have my lunch..
||||||||Guess  this is it for today..

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Well started my internet connection on the 17th Febuary and its
going smoothly.. need to learn more from the www..
chow for now..

Saturday, February 05, 2011

050211 time 810pm..

Ohoooo... whats life...
Here i am trying to write some if i can.. See how far can my
finger works.. Been a long time since i have typed anything...
I dont really feel like typing cause i dont have the mood..
What i hoped for the days to come.. thought i would concentrate
my work and catch up with the things that i have missed in work
life.. but i now realise i ended up nothing to this far.. It just too
tough catch up with the last 33 years.. maybe i try to be normal
.. but i dont think i can i am saying and doing something else..
How do i chang.. its crap and bullshit....

Really hate and i am banging hard on the key board.. feel like
smashing the computer,,, but i cant cause its not my property..
i dont even have a computer at home,, could have bought but
i dont know where i spent the money.. every month i end up
spending around 1000 and i dont know what i spend it on...
Cant believe i am this jinxed.. till now..


Forget about the above and let me start something new.. But
what can i start off with... let me open youtube.com and listen
some songs.. yeaa i am in and surfing.. kind of pressed THE
CLASSIC. one of my favourite korean film... its loud and
its making me inspirational.. but can i write something...
Let see..

Tomorrow my shift is afternoon and i need to go early to
do "the Project"... For one month 2hour of O.T to finish
the 240 plus rooms to clean the filter for my side.. and for
the plumber side they are reparing the tap... an dfloor runner
i have no idea..

Fuck i dont think i can write..

NOw i am listening to John Denver classic... Country road..
Making me hight,,,

|Thats it.. i am done using th youtube..

Sunday, January 16, 2011

17th January 2011 and its cloudy outside, possibly going to
rain. How life is going on and the guilt and hurt that i am
feeling inside me. I feel like that i need tobe strong to go on
cause its life after all and in some point of life things happens for
a reason and i have to seize it cause its mine i guess. Just finished
doing gym and i am looking forward to kill the 2hours left for me to
go to work. Well what else can i say but to be able to say the right
words and the action... Ok cant think of much and i want to stop here

Monday, December 27, 2010

27th December 2010 and i am at my sis hostel.. Tomorrow hers flight
to Nepal after like 2 years of work here. Just came back from Boling
centre after our dinner at the Chinese restaurant. Her bf joined us.
After we had a pool game and arcade game. Well i am gonna miss her
for a month and i wish i could go with her. But my turn will come soon
and i have to be patience cause life will come when my turn will come.
any way i am happy that i will be able to look forward to my life thats
coming to.. Well thats all for now as my time to spend here is limited.
Any way chow.. and i will write for sure...

Saturday, December 25, 2010

26th december 2010, christmas just over.. Well there is like 5
days to 2011 and i am looking forward to lot of changes in
my life if it is possible. I HAVE to cause i am not leading a
normal life. Any way my sis is going vacation on the 28th
and i am in her room to help her pack up and take some of her
stuff. Any way i am very angry with myself casue i cant
do things that i am thinking of. How useless can i be. I have to
change. Till next time..

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

30th November 2010 and tomorrow is going to be December
last month of 2010.. i have like 2 more days of off and today is
not included. Which makes 3 days of leave.. Its good to have
rest but whats the use if i dont have much interseting life that i
can say of. Ok like i have much to nag about. The price for
an hour of useage is 5drm and its not cheap. I have to make best
use of the money. I finally realise why i was so different from
others cause my right ear is not functioning and thats why i was
acting different from my early age.. And this has become a habit
 and its tough to change it since i am 32 now and the 32 years i
have acted this way and i dont think it will be easy to suddenly
change to a new person. I dont know why it took so long to
notice myself. Am i stupid or maybe i was concentrating on my
gambling and i was trying to be normal but instead everything
was going very bad. Because of this ifound my problem. Huh....
Well what i felt was i needed someone to understand me and
care for me. But i acted strangely along the way and my thought
for her.. like i was going to emberess her and i am always out of
topic.. I could not even greet her for her birthday.. least i could
have done even if she dont like me.. Some how i think i did stood
a chance.. and i have wasted it and i guess i have to accept the
reality and try to change my life. If i ever have to chance to know
her i will really appreciate her cause how long am i going to stay
this way.. this miserable life of mine.. I just wanted a normal life
but cause of my deafness normal is becoming disastirous.
Why was i so slow to recognise this madness. Thats why may be
she was my answer and.. Aahh.. i really hate myself..
2 more days to spend and
back to work... i just went to gym after like 3 or 4 week of
absence. I have to start doing gym to fill my gap and to be fresh
of my self.
There is like 40minute  left of my hour. and i have to write more
cause i have been MIA for so long and .... I guess i have to take
a lot of  my time to chabge for the better.. I have finished my reading
of the novel 'The Wrecker'. Finished it like in 15 days.. one of my
good record.. Am not proud of it cause if i had done this back when
i was younger,, i would have changed my destiny. ANy way no regrats
but i have to do something about it.. Any now surfing you tube.. any way
i hope my self the best ...good luck..
Ok.. cool.. well todays 3 days off.. cool huh..

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Well tomorrow's her B'day and i am still in silence of it. Dont hve the
guts and the confidence of facing the,, For sure i am gonna drink
tonight to fill my sorrow and my loneliness cause thats who i am and
how the hell am i ever gonna change my... Any way i have dont much
yo say cause i am not in a situation where i can say what i like cause...
Least i am happy that i am still writing.. Drinking tonight and hope to
have a good time alone,...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

25th November 2010 and what can i say...
I finally am able to write something after like may be
3 month of absence... I kind of forgot to write and least i can say is that
i finally found out the dilemma thats been revolving around me and
what can i say that am i a fool or what?
Why did not i think of it before.. may be i never felt that way and i was
focusing on something that was far from reachable...
I dont know what the outcome is going to be like thats coming my
way???

Any way life still moves on and i will write more the next time..
P.S- I have to strive harder and change new direction...

Monday, October 11, 2010

11/10/10

10/10/10 was yesterday and  i was not able to write due to lack of net access.
By the way it was also  t hotel staff party which i really enjoyed getting drunk.
Its been such a long time that i have enjoyed. I guess i will remember when i refer
this later on in the days that will come and i guess i am loosing my creativity cause
i cant seem to write more than this. And i will be ending my sentance pretty soon.
Need to go back to cook and i guess this is life and survival is necssary for human.
Chooaw for now.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Well well 7th September 2010 time 7:40pm. I think i was lost or i
was not doing what i had to do. So much had happened for the
days that i had not written and i dont know where to start and
i wont be able to write as the way it should have been.

I dont know exactly where to start with and i dont feel like
starting...

Lost of words and lost of mind,,, loosing my life and i dont know
how deep i am lost and my precious sight is making my life even
harder..


Ok cool is the word i am using for right now. Just chat with sis
and used the cool words too often. and the topic will be 'cool'


2 days of my off and back to work. one day gone and one more
left and i believe it will be very interesting with chhring and the
guys.. planning to go to the beach..actual plan is to sun tan.. ha ha
for me.. but i think the guys will not like it..


Ramadan is coming and i wish all the muslim in the world a wonderful
Ramadan and a joyus occassion..

well thats all for today.. next time i will try to writ more.. hopefully..

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

27th July and its a very early morning.. 211am exactly. Just finished
watching a movie titled 'The Ringer'. Its a hilarious movie involving
disabled people. Had fun watching it cause it was funny and romantic.
The lead actor had pretended to be disabled to complete in the
olympic for the disabled. In between he falls for the volunteer who is
helping the disabled. It was sure fun watching the movie after a week.
Well currently i gave up the remote control for a couple as i believe
they need some privacy. So here i am taking my time to write something.
As far as my days is going on, the first of the next month i will be
attending my orientation after 2 month. I am not exactly looking
forward to but just take as it.Got like 3 more days to night shift and
it will be seeing the day light of day shift.


So how do i start it. August 07 i left early in the morning after i
said my last good bye to my friends. I had just carried my bag with
a few cloth. I took a cab to the bus stop and wondered at the city
for sometimes wondering what i would do as i was pretty lost. I made
my new card and got it. later on i tried to withdraw the cash but it was
not setteled yet. So i was thinking what i would do? Finally around
early afternoon my luck changed and i withdraw my last pay around
1100.. I took my lunch and snacks wondering around thinking. I
bought some tickets for the time. Called Dhurba and told him i will
be taking the 4pm bus. I boarded the bus and i tried to leave behind
my misery hoping for a new chapter of my life. I was not excited now
was i nervious. I was confused and well i dont have any words to
explain it. The journey reached the bus interchange for a short break
for food and toilet. I had my supper and i headed back to the bus.
There the driver shifted me to another bus for the direct route to KL.
Well as the passanger was not much they wanted to shorten their
journey and cost. So my ride coninued and i was on my road to
my new destination. I reached the terminal at around 8 plus. I called
my friend and wondered around the new city. I took U41 bus from
just opposite china town and it was one long journey. I reachd
Sungai long around 11 plus and had my dinner at the indian stall.
As i was having my food Dhurba arrived and we headed back to
the room. It was a small room and my first meeting with Bikash.
Well my new life started from that night.. Till than the next eposide
will be stated in my coming times...
Was me just posing for the picture...
Well this is me.. just posing for the picture.. location is at the presidential place..
This is the second biggest Mosque in United Arabe Emirates.. Taken from the top of the tower of Sangrila Hotel Abu Dhabi in the early morning.

Friday, July 23, 2010

24th July 2010 a very early morning at Abu Dhabi the time
617am and i am at work. The situation is not much of a
busyness so just surfing and what better way to write my
blog. My data reading at's 7am and i have like quite some
time before i am on my move to do other stuff's. Well
cant say much of late things as nothing so special cause
i am wondering of how i will be spending my time the
next days and days. Just so can the will be of other way
of the way how we do things.

Any way one of my lyric for my new song will be like...

'Its been since a long time
since i saw you.
Wish you were here
with me

Days of my lonely days
Spending my time
all alone
thinking of you

This's guitar's my only friend
singing my song
wondering if i
ever see you again.
.
.
.
I wish i was strong enough
to say the words
thats in my mind
to you


This is one of my songs thats i have written and i hope
do write more songs.. hopefully

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Morning 1034am and its 22nd July 10. Just finished doing
gym and was making my move back to my room and i just
remembered to use my blog and i came back and lucky
enough the computer that can be accessed was not occupied.
Actually the computer room was empty best describes it. And
as i had mentioned earlier that i know how to use the new way to
access this blog and it did work. Ok so far i had uploaded my old
article which was way back a week ago.. i think..
Well i have nothing much to say and i will or must have cook lunch
cause the breakfast that i had in the morning is gone from the gym
that i had did. So need to re energise before i sleep. If not i will
not be able to sleep. Speaking of this a few days ago it
was almost 12pm and i had just fallen asleep for maybe 5 minute
and i suddenly woke up due to empty stomach. The feeling was
so bad that i quickly cooked instant noodle and hurriedly gubbled
it down my throat.So you see i have to eat or else i will have to
wake up again half way and my sleep spoiled. Well i just
remembered that my aircone is down and its 2 days.. Dont know
if its good for my breathing cause there was insident in Malaysia
where people had died in their sleep. The reason was that due
to lack of air flow in the room and the heat, had caused the person
less oxygen. And this was why people died in their sleep. Well
here is almost the same insident and best part is that the
temperature is even higher that Malaysia will less humidity. So
maybe ..... I dont know let me not talk about it. OK.. Almost
1050am and i can feel a bit hungry.. gonig off soon and make
myself chicken dish and rice for lunch. Ohhh.. my mouth almost
watery as i think of it. Ok chow.. going off.. 
ok here i am and i can say i am loosing interest in what

i am doing. But do i have a choice? No is the answer and
i have to carry on what i am doing and what i studied for.
Have to stick to it for some time as there is no other way
out due to my wrong choices in my history of my 32 years.
And best of all my finance... Dont know what i am doing
sometimes cause half my age is gone and maybe half my
brain is dead too. This i think could be the answer cause
my experience is not working well on me in my life.
Especially the one who i was thinking of asking. Still in
my dream land and the feeling i felt for and the feeling i
wanted to show..Guess i wont be able to express it. Cause
i feel i dont have what it takes to be a gentleman to ask.
Any ways she has someone who was waiting for her and i
dont think its nice to be the devil and snatch her. But
what can i do i feel helpless cause its the eye that had
sight on her and i think i will not be able to vanish her
thought from my memory. Cause you know the
brain is a weak part of our entire body as it is the one that
keep reminding us of that particular image or insident.
And than the weak part comes into action,, you know the...
HEart... SO sickening.. Really hate my self for loving you
especially when i cant even say it to you. So just does nt
makes any sense. Why me me me... Well feel like
running away but why this situation. I have to work and
do some responsibility from my side.
Any way i hope to erase it by end of this month cause my
shift changed and hopefully i can cope my job as well.
Many things to do in my remaining life and of course i
have to cherish this wonderful life that i have and of course
my sis and dad and mom. LIfe goes on and i will be off
tomorrow and likely i will be gong to the city to have some
sightseeing and to look around Abu Dhabi City. Although
the place is like a furnace its good to be in new environment.
I need to erase the thought and by the way i am listening my
HEE DAE KO BATO one of my original classic whaich i
composed in Malaysia. Its sure is good thing that i got a
guitar from my sis but there is no improvement in my
composing of songs.Cause i have only composed one
song in all this one month. Its a disgrace and i really hate
my self any way the title of my song is AUUTAA KHAATHA
CHA. By the way its not fully composed and the tune is
still need to fine tune it. See how snail i am. I just hope i
can forget and i must. Any way tomorrow will be going to
city and need to buy hard drinks cause need to sober myself.
Cause i am a man. By the way i just for some how thought
of the future. I know i will get married someday and i really
dont know who my lovely wife would be?? And if you just
happen to read this.. Dont be angry or over reactive cause
this is my life and i am just writing down my feeling and my
problems of my life cause i have no one to share with. So
just writing it down was the best way for me. Any way i
am kind of tired and the time here in UAE is 1:40am and
i need to be heading to hostel cause tomorrow morning need
to go gym need to trim my body cause i dont like to look fat
and i love to sweat and do tough training. Well thats all for now
cause its late. BY the way i wanted write on my blog but
could not open it as the site is difficult to open and the admin
might have blocked the site. Any way will be pasting it in my
blog when i visit my sis or the hotel computer. Lets see how
whichever comes first. Today is 6 July a very early morning.
Going off soon,,,,

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Well a good morning and i am in a rush cause i will be
taking the morning bus to hostel. Its almost 821am
and i cant write much as i dont have much time. ok
now i know how to post blog the other way. ok
making my move.. chow for now

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Well been some time for now that i have not written.. Any way i will always
try my best to write something down.
Ok let me say something about Abu Dhabi.. Its actually a desert and all round
what you can see are sands.. very fine sands. |You wont be able to see any rain
fall may be once or twice a year cause i am still new here. But since this place
is rich in oil, the money that came is being used very wisely by the ruler since
the discovery around (ithink 1940s to... not too sure). And where there is
money to be made there will be people looking for better prospect in life. And
thats why the country is developing very fast. And speaking of developing, they
have spend a lot in greenery. Imagine greenary in a desert where the ground is not
fertile and where there is no rain at all. Well the only answer is technology. ANd
this technology is after all money. ANd now its very better off in some parts of the
places. The only thing that i like about UAE is the greenary. Well lets see how
far can this country go. ANy way thats about for now.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

well its been 4 days since my arrival and its kind of very hot from the rest
of the region that i have been to. Its like almost 50 degree and luckily the
accommodiation is airconditioned. If not i can tell you i will be rosted in
this kind of environment.Well work is so far not tough cause of my
back ground but its nice to be here. So chow for now

Monday, May 31, 2010

well 1st June will be making my way exit from Nepal and going to
Abu Dhabi. Long sentance make it short, I am going there.......
Well kind of bored cause how much hours and minute and
not forgetting seconds are left for me to cherish my time here. It
only when i am there that i will start missing home. But a man got
to do what a man got to do. I feel half hearted and i am going on
a journey which i dont know whats it' like and have not thought of
it much cause i dont know exactly what the outcome is going to be
like. Well i Have to go and lets see the world out side asia. Middle
East here i come. Good Night.. Before i stop,, i called all the guys
my last call and the lucky guys to be here are, Harka, Nan,
Rajendra(Barns), Biray, Surya Samba, Pralhad, Sensa.. And of
course i gonna miss my family... So with a smile on my mind i will
be boarding my flight at around 20hrsplus and reaching there on the
2nd of June around 3hrs plus. So i write my last blog in Nepal
before i get out of Nepal.  So bye bye for now.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hey 30th May and 12 more days for the inagural World Cup to be
offically opened in South Africa. Am i excited? No not really but
it is a 4 yearly competition for the countrys to participate so just
join in the mood cause this is how things works. Ha ha. Unless
there is other alternative. Well so how? Any way i dont have a
favourite team but if i have to choose the country that have
qualified than i would choose... um.. ok let me take Argrntina.
Although i dont really like them recently, where as when i was
younger i used to. I really am changing my perspective of this
kind of lame games cause this money pocketers are sucking up
the money from the commoners just to entertain the world. And
Best of all the cheque they are taking back are like so huge that
i dont think i will be able to earn my life time. I mean their monthly
cheque compared to my whole life work. So unfair. Its like a circus
which i think is pretty pair to the society where as the football is
like 80K people crammed in a single stadium and see 22 monkey
runnin for a ball. And if there is casuealty the 80K idiots which
jinx fools is going to die without any compensation. See what i mean.
Does it make any sense? Well this is just my comment thats all no
hard feelings. Well forget about that and something new.

Well nothing to say for now.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Well i will be sleeping now..
1109pm...

Uugghhh... I dont think i am that sleepy so why not waste time
writing something down. If it make sense or nonsense, i will just
try to write something. How fast time passes each and every
single day and suddenly you are like WHAT!!! Well this is reality
for every one not only those with big careers. Ya their only
advantage is that their is a bit of a bit advantage. You know what
i mean. After all everyone has a role in this world weather you are
a sinner or a saint. Time never stops and an act is always playing.
Its just part of human life. Some die early som die late, some are
lucky some jinx, some are always trying some need not. It just
part of ones life. So there is so many factor to think that some just
live life.. Well i am that fellow and i will do great things someday.
In terms of great which means what every one has been doing till
now cause the action which has happend already by others will
be great to me cause i have not experienced it yet. So for them is like
'what so great about it...." And for me is like 'Wow i am so and so.."
Than when new generation comes it will be for me 'What so great.."
Uugghhhh.. Understand what i maean. As of what i have written
a bit of it is sense and a bit of it is nonsense. See what i maen but
it is sure fun to write somrthing down. May be lets see how well it
goes later on.. Now's 1124pm and there is like 36 minute to
midnight. And Ramila just laugh ha ha and said 'How many times'
Well as the time passes so does our days of our rich lives. Most of the
time i am frustrated and so does everyone but when the time for the
lives stops that's when our priceless live stops and how much experience
is experienced in ones life. That's why they say 'Live your life like if
there is no tomorrow'. 
29th May 2010  1046pm

I am so fresh that i dont think i will be able to sleep the whole
night as i just woke up 30minute ago. I had fallen asleep from
watching television after dinner around 8pm. It was not agood
habit as this has affected my sleep at night. For the past few
month since arriving back to Nepal i have been sleeping very
late at night after mightnight. Sometimes almost when the
sun is almost rising. Its just that i am so sick back in my country
that affecting my lifestyle. I try to adjust myself but due to too
much outside of Nepal caused me to feel this way. Now i will
be going out again any moment soon and i think i will be lost
in my search for career. Its not something big as i am doing
some jobs which i think will not lead me far but just survival.
In the end i have to come back to Nepal and get lost again.
I really hate it but this is how i have to face every now and
than. I dont know how my job will lead me this time or how
i will lead my job. This is something i have been fighting
for cause i am in some shit which has made me do a bit
of this and a bit of that. Well 32 is a big age and i think its
sweet to be sweeter and am happy about it. Like my dad
used to say "Do something and Die".. I am doing something,
and the only thing is am i doing the something??? Well i
dont know if its the choices i made wrong or the lack of
seriousness that i lack. Or is it the passion that i lack. Well
32 is a very difference as i look at people around me. Maybe
maybe.. later on.. Abu Dhabi here i am going to come.
I am not so enthusiastic or am very proud that i am coming
there but i will say i made some good choices and some to
write in my resume or my life story. I am not so proud and
am not emberessed that i am starting a job that is expected
of my study case.. well let just say i made a right choice with
the help of my sis. Thanks and looking forward to the flight
as everything is cleared from the interview to the visa, insurance
and the clearance from Nepal Foreign Employment. Just
waiting for the e-ticket for the flight.
Back to where i am now, will i be able to sleep? I have to
cause no choice and i will try to. Ha ha.....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Well well its been very long after all.. May be i am getting bored or..
i dont know.. Well firstly i feel i am not improving on this blog or
what.. Ugghh.. Never mind.. Try to write somrthing rather than
nothing.. So as far as i can say i am not in good moods lately cause
too much time wasted and nothing learned i can tell. DOnt care is my
attitude which makes me sulk.

Well looking forward to some things.. ANd trying to write more..
Next time hopefully..

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Well as far as i can say its been so long since i have typed...
So far so good and life is going on smoothly and i am happy
to be able to say something. So lets see how things will
work out...