Yesterday was almost insane for me...Wanted badly
to talk to her. But nothing..

Around 7pm there was complain that exhaust for
sofra was not working and went to roof top to
see what was the problem. After rectifying the
problem, i went to check the bee. They were
there all cramely packed together. I shone my
bright torch at them and they all started to move
to  dark area. I just happen to put my test pen
and pinched at the hive. And to my suprise
there was honey inside. Man i was very excited
cause the last time i had only took the outside
and thought there was no honey. Here i realise
you have to go deeper to get the treasure. I
tasted my test pen as the honey was on the
tip of the test pen. I got excited and i burned
the paper and i took a handful of honey as the
bee moved from the smoke. I had it and the 
feeling was very special. Yaamm. Cant believe
i had my first original honey from the hard 
working bees directly and even better in
country like UAE. Its really special and life
is special with simple things. Any way late into
our work i offered to my colleague. So i bought
it in a cup and Puskal ate it saying 'thats real
honey' cause he did not believe me in the
cafeteria when i told him i had ate real honey.
Later Laxmi came i told him the way to eat it.
He acted too smart and he drank directly in the
cup. And as he chewed the honey, one of the
bee had gone into his mouth and had stung his
tounge. I had a good laugh and joked.'' I went to
an extreme danger where there were thousand of
bee and stole their honey still not getting stung 
and here he is, just tasting the honey he got stung'' 
I mean is it not funny... Very comedic right...
Ha ha ha...
What i really like to say is i am very thankful to
this bees, because of them i had the original
honey and they will continue to give me  more
honey. Thank You from the bottom of my heart....


Took the 1230 bus and i had sat in the front of the
seat and was talking to Bandana husband about
NIM Paata. A kind of leaf for medication. And i
saw Mani was outside. I realised there was no
seat available for him and he was alone outside.
I could not bear the lonelyness and i told the
driver i wanted to alight. There we were outside
together. As we came he offered me drink. Well
i ended up at his room and we had SIgnature
drink with 3 other guys. And the food one of
the guy had cooked was chicken. And what
special about this was he had cooked mutton
and chicken together. This was unique cause
i had ate both meat in my life but never in my
life had i ate both meat cooked together. Guess
life is sometimes very special. And i left at
210am hoping to catch the bus. Waited for so
long and realised the bus had left. There i
decided to walk back to the building. As i
walked after 5 minute i had my pee in the
middle of the night. I knew i could be caught
by the police cause i was drunk plus i was
doing nature call in the middle of the night. 
Contuined to walk and after 10 minute had
my second pee. Ha ha. As i came near the 
roundabout i realise i was on right track to 
the building. So i started to run. It was very
cool and the i took out my jacket. The feeling
high in alcohal and in the middle of the night
free of everything. So special.. ha ha
Finally reached my room, made myself 2
packed of indon mee and after that slept
peacefully. 

Here i am, 1249hrs and having a bread as my
tummy is empty and also closed the curtain
of my room. Surfing
Got to get ready for work...  

1130hrs
9th 12 2011

Having bread with water,, too lazy to cook and just
listening to my song. Bought this bread in the
morning with indon mee. Need the noodle cause
the maggie is horrible. In the morning its gives me
bad stomach problem. Its the second time i have
faced this problem when ever i had maggie.
Last night was horrible. In my sleep i can feel like
i can just die in my sleep. Happened too many time
in the night and decide to wake up. Dont know if
its the hunger or have i abused my body too much.
I feel its the latter. Like a few days back i smoked
almost 35 stick. Its obviously the smoking. I tried
too many times but i cant seems to cause of the
lonelyness. Fuck this shit. I need to try. Too many
times i have said this and fuck it.. Dont want to
write of this shit again.

Just came back from my smoke and having the
bread that was unfinished. After this gonna play
my guitar. See if i need to do any changes.
By the way have cover the light from the window
with the curtain.

1143hrs.. time is moving slowly. works at 3 pm..

As what i said yesterday that i will exercise. But i
woke up late and i did not do as i said. Sometimes
cant do as what i planned.

Any way nothing much to say...

123hrs
9th Dec 2011

Its early in the morning of 9th Dec and i had just
came back from work. Smoked a cigaret, ate
yogurt and brushed my teeth. Going to sleep
soon as i was feeling sleepy back than, Too
much things to worry and too lonesome. I cant
do anything about except to try to look for
alternatives ways to deal with it. Morning need
to go running and gym. Cant believe my weight
is piling and just looking in the mirror makes me
emberess. Cause i felt like i have loose weight,
but instead it was winning weight. Need to
be serious./.

Good night...

1230hrs
8th December 2011

Listening to my song that i composed and recorded
in my phone. Its out of words for me... Too good
to say any thing about it. Sometimes i wonder if we
were not there. Life would have been much better
i think. What are the changes that happened. In the
end we ended up there but lost in the thoughts.
How can i change all this. There is nothing i can
do and just stay in silence.



Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Stream of water, will get it in pail
Forest dried branches, collect and shall i bring
Mom cooking, Dhiroa and Gunruuk
Dad in the field, farming the rice

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Thisss suffering, comfort
Memoriesss sweet, sour
I guess, this is called

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

This is in the english version. Althought its not
too good translated, It goes something like
that. Today going at 1.30pm to work. And i
would like to meet munna. Wanna have lunch
together. Now wanna play my guitar and see
if i can modify anything...

Last night was too much thinking and too difficult
to fall asleep. All the thiking which is relavent for
the coming times and decision making. Its good
to think but not the right time to think when i am
about to sleep. Luckily i managed to fall asleep
maybe around 2 or 3am. 
943hrs of 7th Dec 2011. Finally my work starts
in the afternoon at 3pm. I went to take my 
breakfast and bought chicken and tomatoes,
chilli, garlic. Want to cook lunch before i go
to work. The 3 days that i was off, did not cook
rice. Just had noodle or went to my sis house.
And here today i want to cook before i go to
work. 

Now days i have closed the curtain of my windows 
as my sight is irreating me. Maybe cause of the 
light form outside is cause it as i am surfing directly
on the screen and the light from the window is
coming to my eye. Now my room is dark and the 
only drightness is from my laptop. 

I have cooked the daal. Just have to boil the beans
till its cooked. Should take around 1 hours. And 
i have put the chicken on the pan to defreeze it.
Cant get fresh chicken only frozen. Later on i
am going to prepare the ingrident before i cook
the chicken.

Emirates NBD just called me to change my account
particular as they have difficulty sending me e-mail.
Ya... my ID is wwwsumaurai, which was supposed 
to be wwwsumanrai. This idiot emirati girl who was
filling up the form for me when i first applied for 
NBD account had made a mistake or purposely
made the mistake. You know how this people are
who feel they are superior and look down on people.
Because of this idiot i have to re-make my e-account.
Dont know when i will go and make, as the bank are
busy finallysing the end of year acclount. I feel lazy
to go. Maybe tomorrow.

Just went to check Daal. The water has lessened and
i heated the kettle and after that top up the water in
the daal. Want the daal to cook longer for better
taste. Just 2 days back i had cooked daal and as
usual i heated the daal with water. Than went to
surf. While surfing, i had opened my luggage and
was checking my secondary classmate photo. And
with that i checked out if i could find my friends
from facebook. Tried a few names but could not
find them as the names are popular and too many
.. you know what i mean. Finally i found K/Kesavan
and i added him as friend. See i was so busy
surfing that i forgot about my daal. I rushed to the
kitchen and there it was totally disaster, The daal
had dried and burned. Shit there goes my daal and
i ended up having noodle. Too much MSG. Not
good for the health. This is what happens when i
am too busy to notice anything. But today i cant
let my guard down. Today i will have my daal
no matter what. Chicken will also be in the menu.

As of today i had 1 cigaret from the balance of
yesterday. 31 cigaret was smoked the whole day
yeasterday. Fucking dumb aint i. Shit stupidity.
And by now i had smoked 2 stick so far and i
have 1 more stick left that i had bought just now.

Now is 1017hrs. Need to go check the daal.
Decreased the heater for the daal and changed
the water for the chicken. I might cut the chicken
or  better still prepare the ingrident first...

2341hrs
6th Dec...

A few minute to 7th dec. And i cant sleep cause when i
think about marriage. I have nothing and i am not good
in relationship. It scary and i cant sleep at all. There is
so much i have to do once i am a husband. I try to
think i will go with the flow but its not so easy as it
sounds. Damn i am going crazy. Like i have to leave
to work outside. And when i was younger i told myself
i will be with her. Man this is not so easy....Called
Ricardo for drink but tells me out of stock and only
thing i have is my guitar. Guess i will play the song
that i composed the whole day to comfort myself.
The whole day was depressing and in the evening
was a disaster. Had told myself i will not smoke or
smoke less and i finished like 27 stick thewhole day.
Shit whats happenning to me, am like a smoke
machine. This is really danger of me. May be i was
alone the whole day too. Marriage is scary but i
have to no matter what get married next year. I just
cant avoide always. I have to  and i have to.
2354hrs and this is all and going to play guiter and
eat snack that munna bought for me. Before i sleep

Man i cant believe i can make myself to tears. This new
song that i composed sounds so magical and i have no
words to describe except tears. The first few lines
like'' Heeeey Meri Gauulaay''. Now my mission for me
is to complete this song and put it in youtube. Its
so damn magical....

2312hrs
5th Dec 2011

I just went down to buy 1 stick of cigaret. Cause
i need to quit this bad habit. My health is
declinig and because i over use it, it has caused
too much side effect. Like my mood, sight,
respetary, thought... Observation has told me its
not a reliever but a destroyer. Lets see how the
next few days will be..

Went to sis house for dinner. We cooked pork.
First marinated it and fried it in pan with oil.
Than brocali with prawn and tomatoes. daal.
Heated the fish from yesterday. Dinner was
wonderful and Anju was also invited. Oh yes
egg was also in our food. Well told munna
about the topic i had with mom and Ramila.
Kali was too busy with her work and with
Islam. So she does not know much.

Any way i dont know which IDIOT is trying
to be so smart that he hack into my
personal folder of the computer. I am so
fucking angry that i deleated that folder for
guest. I mean i am giving people for free
and they abuse this kind of previlage. Man i
am paying 100++ per month and not forgetting
also this laptop. Shit i really hate this kind of
fuckers. Shit is what they leave behind after
all this. Fuck

2 days have finished of my off and i have like
one day left. Need to make use of the time.
Today was wonderful. My alcohal have finished
and i must not waste in such things from now
on.

Well got to sleep and need to refer some work
before i sleep. Nite nite...

THIS ARTICLE BELOW IS FROM CNN AND IT IS THE EVENT THAT TOOK

PLACE IN 2011.And i cant believe so much happened.

From the Arab Spring to a global economic crisis to the killing of Osama bin Laden, 2011 has been defined by historic and dynamic events that will shape the world in the years ahead.

A revolt across the Middle East and North Africa began with the self-immolation of a struggling merchant in Tunisia and spread across the region. Egyptian protesters toppled the 30-year rule of Hosni Mubarak, and rebels in Libya battled against supporters of long-time strongman Moammar Gadhafi.

Gadhafi was eventually killed in October after months on the run from rebel forces and NATO bombardments.

The significance of the Arab Spring is indisputable, but was it the biggest story of the year?

The earth shook off the coast of Japan in March, triggering one of the worst tsunamis in years, destroying nearly everything in its path and sending millions fleeing for high ground.

Beyond the utter calamity from the 9.0-magnitude earthquake, Japan found itself dealing with the worst nuclear crisis since the 1986 Chernobyl disaster. The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear facility was knocked offline, resulting in a meltdown of three reactors, with radiation leaking into the air and contaminated water spilling into the sea.

The long-term effects from the stricken plant remain unknown.

Natural disasters hit the United States hard, too. The largest tornado outbreak ever recorded swept across across the South, Midwest and Northeast -- with a record 207 touching down on April 27 and killing 346 people. Alabama bore the brunt of the destruction, with a massive twister turning the college town of Tuscaloosa into a disaster zone.

Three weeks later, a mile-wide tornado ripped through Joplin, Missouri, killing more than 150 people and wreaking havoc across the blue-collar town at the edge of the Ozark Mountains. It marked the deadliest single tornado in 60 years.

From Washington to New York residents in August braced for Hurricane Irene, a powerful storm that forecasters feared would cause catastrophic damage. The storm weakened before landfall, but it still was blamed for at least 20 deaths in eight states.

On the battlefield, Navy SEAL Team Six became part of American military lore when the elite unit raided a compound in Pakistan, killing Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda and the most-wanted terrorist in the world who had orchestrated the terror attacks of 9/11.

For President Barack Obama, the bin Laden raid marked a high point of his presidency. Sometimes considered soft on terror, Obama achieved something his predecessor failed to do: bring the terror mastermind to justice.

The killing came ahead of the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, which was marked by the opening of several memorials, including an outdoor tribute at Ground Zero in New York.

The United States also marked a decade of war in Afghanistan, a conflict that began in the months after 9/11 aimed at rooting out al Qaeda terrorists. While the Afghanistan war rages on, the United States is preparing to pull out the last of its troops from Iraq.

The year also was defined by economic turmoil. Prime ministers in Greece and Italy quit amid a slow-motion fiscal disaster unfolding in Europe, while Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. credit rating for the first time after it said Congress failed to do enough to stabilize the country's debt situation. The downgrade, which came after an eleventh-hour agreement to raise the debt ceiling, damaged an already-stagnant economy.

As the U.S. saw unemployment hit 9 percent, the Occupy Wall Street movement -- a grassroots protest against policies favoring the richest 1% -- spread to dozens of cities across the country and Europe.

Meanwhile, Republican presidential candidates looked to seize their campaign to retake the White House in 2012. In October, former VP candidate Sarah Palin and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie disappointed supporters by saying they wouldn't run, and by early December the GOP field seemed to be down to two serious contenders: Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.

In July, the world was reminded of man-made tragedy with near-simultaneous terror attacks in Norway.

A car bomb exploded in Oslo targeting government buildings, while miles away, an armed man opened fire on a youth leadership camp, killing 77.Months earlier, Rep. Gabby Giffords was shot in the head as she met with constituents at a supermarket near Tucson, Arizona. Six people were killed in the attack, including a young girl and a federal judge.

Giffords has awed the nation in her recovery. Married to astronaut Mark Kelly, the congresswoman traveled to Kennedy Space Center in May to watch as her husband commanded the final launch of space shuttle Endeavour.

A few months later, NASA launched the final space shuttle mission, retiring the fleet of historic spacecraft after 30 years. The mission, STS-135, ended on July 21 when Atlantis arrived back at Kennedy.

Other stories dominated the headlines, too.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty in Florida in her daughter's death, while Conrad Murray was convicted in the death of superstar Michael Jackson.

Charlie Sheen's raging narcissism captivated the nation for a couple weeks as his bizarre behavior prompted his TV bosses to fire him from "Two and a Half Men". Other bad boys popped into the news: Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York tweeted a picture of himself in his underwear and soon was forced to resign, and Maria Shriver filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger after a family housekeeper came forward about her love child with the former California governor.

Scandal struck far and wide in 2011. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, once seen as a future leader of France, quit as head of the International Monetary Fund after he was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel housekeeper in New York -- a charge that was later dropped. British tabloids run by media tycoon Rupert Murdoch were hit by a phone hacking scandal that resulted in the flagship News of the World folding.

In the United States, child sex abuse scandals tainted athletics programs at Penn State and Syracuse universities basketball team. Jerry Sandusky, a former Penn State assistant football coach, was charged with multiple counts of sex abuse against children, and legendary head coach Joe Paterno was fired in the scandal's aftermath. In Syracuse, assistant basketball coach Bernie Fine was fired after three people, including two former ball boys, said he molested them for years. No charges have been filed against Fine, but multiple investigations have been launched.

Yet not all news was bad in 2011. The world got a brief respite from doom-and-gloom headlines in April when Prince William and Catherine Middleton wed at Westminster Abbey.

Their wedding was one of the most-watched events of the year -- from TV to the Internet. On the streets of London, many captured royal images on their mobile devices and instantly shared them with friends.

Some of those images might never have been shared if it hadn't have been for the creator of the iPhone: Apple founder Steve Jobs, the genius who led the home computer revolution and inspired some the world's most popular mobile devices.

Jobs died of pancreatic cancer in October. His final words, according to his sister, were "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow!"

Fitting words for 2011.

1405hrs
05/12/2011

I said i will not smoke much from now. But see..
Let me check how many stick i have puffed so
far... Only 2 stick left.. Shit i smoked already 8
Why must this be happening... Why....
Any ways chatting with Ramila.. Too much
to talk... Its been long.. hope she comes here
soon so that she can move on in life.

Finally i have made progress on my own song.
And i kind of like it... Hoping to put it in you
tube. First i need to master it and do the
recording. I am sure proud of myself. Ha ha..

Had tea with milk that i bought yesterday..
Its not that good as the one i make in
staff lounge. Think i need to buy powdered
milk. Lunch i had indo mee georang. 2 packet.
And after i had tea and 2 bread with it.
Think i need some thing to chew again later.
May be bread with water. Lets see when the
time comes...

Yesterday munna and i went to buy fresh
fish near our hotel. I left at 4pm bus and
reached hotel at 4.30pm. We took withdraw
money from atm and went to Deli and bought
chicken pie and spring roll. We than walked
the path to the fish market.. The journey was
long and as we went by we came across this
villa. What was special about was that this
villa was doing vegetation agricultre. It was
like when i was in malaysia where i had done
my own farm. It was so greenary and lively.
And i even had the cheeks to pick a leaf
from a lime tree. One of my usual habit of
plucking and smelling it. The very fresh of
lime. Aaahh.. Felt great..
Along the way as we walked munna and i
had a great time talking about the time in
Nepal. The year 1999 where we went for
the holiday in Nepal. As we chatted the
journey was shotter. And we arrived the
place. But there was mosque instead and
crossed the road. When we were on the
other side of the road we saw the mall. It
was blocked by the mosque and that has
caused for us to cross the road. We went
in the mall and went to the fish section and
kept checking the fish until we decided
what we wanted to buy. It was Scad fish.
After we bought the fish, we were coming
out and bus 32 just happen to arrive. We
rushed to catch the bus. Along the way
i was thinking how pack sangrila pick
up point was going to be for us to catch
the bus. And munna told me why not we
catch the bus at Traders. That was a brillant
idea and we wont have to squeeze with the
rest of the people. The people were very
packed at sangrila but munna and i was in
the comfort of our seat. That night munna
 and i cooked the steam fish. The ingrident
we used was salt and pepper spread in the
fish. After which we put in the aluminium
foil and put the rest of the ingrident. Red
carrot, garlic, ginger, chilli, olive oil and
spring onion. The cooking time was 3o
minute. We had it with rice and kept for
Kopila and i bought back 4 fish. Gave one
to Rudra, one to Mika and one to Shearlou.
After that i darnk and i think i drank too
much and i had to cook egg cause the
side dishes was not enough.

Well nows like 1554hrs and before i had
a chat with this AC technician. Offered
them tea and bread. I also watched how
they disassemble the AC unit. Maybe
one of this days i will try on the kitchen
AC. Need to make my hands more skillful.

Chatted with ramila and too much we chatted
about her job and stuff. Finally talked to mom
and she told me not to fight with my future
wife. And i asked her how to when she would
be staying with them. She could not answer and
i told her of my life and my ear. Any way i have
told her i will get married and probably next
year.I feel so relef from this and i also finished
my last stick.

Munna called me and told me i have to go for
my national ID on 7th at 5.30pm. Finally my
turn has come to make my ID... Just informed
Htin my S.L about my national ID and i will be
working in the morning. And 5.30pm heading
to making the ID...

1604hrs and listening to my own song that
i recorded in the early afternoon. Making me
feel good and i will be doing live song soon.
See if there is any more room for
improvement or changes in the lyric.

2349hrs
4th Dec 2011

In my mind is 'why do you have to hurt me' i know i
have hurt you soo much. But thats was beacuse i
am deaf in one ear. All i wanted was for you to be
happy. But i am very wrong.. i am hurt so much that
i feel worthless. Why..

any way i still want to get married next year and start
a family and move on............

0047hrs
4th December 2011

Came back 30 minute earlier from work. Gave an
escuse of 'i am sick'. Actually i wanted to drink.
Cant believe my supplier just gave me a free
bottle. Dont know but i know i am loya to him.
I always pay him in time and maybe he wants me
to be his regular customer. But i know i will try
to drink less. Any way wanted to drink alone but
this guy Albert was awake and i offored him.
And here we are drinking.

Now i really want to get married. Gonna call
my parents in a few days and start planning when
i want to get married. I know its not going to be
perfect but i want to settle down and have kids.
I need to move on on life cause its waste of
time if i just idle around. I know its not going to
be easy but i will try my best. Really want to
get married. Dont know who will this special
angel will be. But i really want to find out and
move on in life.

Now is 0117hrs and my second pack started
already.. I had promised i will not drink too much
cause i have to be prepared for the future...


0156hrs.. still drinking...
bye for now

1322hrs
3122011

As you can see that the time is moving too fast
as i have to catch the but at 1400hrs. And i
dont have much time. BUt i am all prepared.
Just need to brush my teeth again before i
leave. Althought i had already burshed in the
morning, i need to brush again as i have been
smoking too much. Last night was horrible
so i was alking to the souk to buy cigarette.
As i was passing by Abra, i met an old couple
whom asked me if the boat will be coming.
I assured them it will come and tell them to
wait at the bench. When i met them all my
tension just disappeared just like that. I guess
this is called love and commitment. I just
asked myself how much have they faced
in life and they fought all that and here they
are together in their prime and still together.
Just this moment changed my mood and
it really felt wonderful. Any way i made my
way to buy my cigaret. I came back the
same way that i came and as i was nearing
the place i where i met the old couple.
I heard singing and clapping from the
distance. I rushed to see the commotion.
As i saw in the boat there were arabic
girls singing and clapping beautifully and
as the boat passed by me i saw the old
couple.. I happily waved at them and it
was really wonderful.

Just came back from my smoke and this
Maika was inside the other room. Well
she's coming here more often. She is
i guess Sherlo so called girl. I dont know
and i dont care. Waiting for the machine
to finish washing my cloth so that i can
dry them before i leave for work. Now
days i am updating my finance cause i
dont know where my money ends up.
Cause i have not saved till now and its
never late to start doing now. 

Shit cant believe i bought 2 packet cigaret
and the second pack left like 6 stick. Cant
believe i smoked too much yesterday.
Whats happening to me????

Time like 1344hrs and my cloth still not
ready to be dried.....Listening to 'Rabba
main toh mar gaya' good song. Another
love story of hindi movie which they are
very good at...

Feeling hungery and i still have like 30
more minute before i reach cafeteria and
have my lunch. I had breakfast from the
hotel meal plus a noodle and tea and still
now i feel my tummy empty. This is all
thanks to the cigaret reaction. NO other
answer cause this is the fact.

Just hanged my cloth casue finally my
cloth was ready and i dont have much
time left as i have to brush my teeth.
Got to get ready...

1222hrs
01/12/2011

1st day of December. The last month of the year
and whats better way for it to be than the 1st day.
There is exactly 30 more days before 2012. How
fast my life is moving. Had chat with mom dad
and Ramila. Now they are offline and here i am
surfing. Morning had a morning jog and went
to gym. Did not did much in the gym but bought
my morning breakfast and had it and also bread
that i bought yesterday. Any way feeling very
fresh and there is like one and half hour before
i catch my bus to work. Listening to singapore
fm.... Playing christmas songs...

Look at me, Listen close, before i go... is the
song thats just started.   

2258hrs
30th Nov 2011

Salary was here and the service charge was not
bad around 950++. Its good if the service charge
was always like this. Went out with my sis to the
city and remitted and the exchange was 22.68
which is good and after we had Burger King.
It was very tasty in the first few bit but after which
the taste just disappeared. It like not like when
i first tried many years back. After which we walked
to out bus terminal where the bus comes to fetch.
Along the way we came too early and decided to
catch a taxi. And this ride was horrible. Instead
of the usual 30drm charge this greedy driver
took a long way and i had ended up paying
double. So pissed up that i felt like punching
him. But instead i just gave him the money and
left. Any way learned my lesson and i tried to
cool down as i did not want to hurt my sis. So
i just changed the subject to make her happy.
Well tomorrows afternoon shift and i need to
go for jogging and gym. Need to have a healthy
lifestyle. Now drinking.. and the drinks only
like 2 pack. Hope i can sleep with this.

2223hrs
29th Nov 2011

Just came back from my sis place. Had dinner there.
We cooked chilli potato, tofu with egg and green
brocali whith peas, corn and tomatoes. The food
was fantastic and here i am too full and still have
not digested. So having a cup of medicine before
i go to sleep. Its the alternative solution for me to
get to sleep. Was suppose to be afternoon but my
colleague who is always sick called me last minute
to change the schedule. So have to sleep early for
the morning shift. Dont know what to say to this
person but any ways i am morning got to be
sleeping early.

May be another pack for better sleep. Least its not
like yesterday where i had too much that in the
morning i was still soo high. And the day just
went by in sober mood. Was suppose to exercise
but am too lazy. Need to work out or my tummy
will give way...

Just poured another cup and this will be my last.
Any way logging off now...

1841hrs
28th November 2011

Well its evening and my off was fucking wasted.
Did nothing but just wasted my day and here i am
just got a bottle and just had my first sip. I had
told myself no more but its useless. A whole day
was a hell but now i am going to be in heaven.
Surfing some japanese chicks and listening to
music. Makes it even better. How i wish i was not
here but instead in Malaysia... even if it meant that
i would have died there. What wasted time was that
i got this fucking good idea and i wasted it without
a fight. I would had earned my money but i wasted
it and fucking shit i went back. All that shit time
and thinking just went down the toilet bowl. Why
i dont know why i was so addicted to gambling.
Still now i dont know why. Is it cause it is
addictive or was it that i did not had a life. Which
is which i still dont know and i dont know what i 
am doing now. All my life from 17 till 31 what
the hell was i doing. Or was it cause i did not have
a life or was i looking on the wrong side of lane.
Even if it is i told myself i will walk on the right
side of the lane when i left home to here
but whats the fucking point
here i realise i was one sided deaf and this was
what had caused me to be soo stupid and isolated.
And the best part i am sick of myself and just
struggling to live cause my existence is important
for my love ones. |For how long i dont know but
sometimes i just feel thats it time to fuck off
from this place than to struggle. Maybe this is
the answer. Fuck career fuck friends fuck
everything... I just got to bring myself to be
happy and find the right place. May be i should
leave. Why stay when i am not happy and why
anyways my sibling are old enough. They can
take care of themselves. Hipppiiiooo i got the
answer... let me wait and see for another month.
I dont care if i become poor or a begger as long
i am happy thats it... One more month...

Its simple and i wasted my fucking time for
nothing...

Listening to Rick Astley songs. Reminds me of
the time when i was primary 6N. I was crazy in
love with Chai Hui Ping... Hnag on it not love,
its i had a crush on her. Haha.. Cant believe i
am having the same stupid crush till now...
But this time i really want to get married and
have a kid. I want to be a good father thats why
i cant just go crazy here. I want to be strong so
that i will give my best for my kids in the future.
I have to be smart and i can be. Dont want to
worry about this fucking ear.

Still surfing chicks cause i am a man and i aint
gay.. Hahha...

Gonna change my blog add to another add...

1433hrs
28th Nov 2011

Just had an hour of nap as i felt too bored. Today
is my off and its part of the day thats i like to
do. Woke up in the morning and got bread and
coffee from the shop and even the morning pack
from the housing office. For lunch just cooked
lunch and had pork that my room mate had
cooked yesterday. After which was surfing and
got my lunch from the housing and not forgetting
bought my cigarette. Here i am now blogging.

Its good to be controlling my smoke as i had
only 2 stick from 9am. Feeling good and feeling
too cold. Going to off the AC,..

Been checking my account but the money not
deposited yet and i guess i have to wait for it.

Tomorrow's my last morning shift and after
which i am afternoon. I guess i will miss
morning and i have to accept that.

Sometimes the little things that we have are the
best part of our life. Cause if we go too fast
than we have to be fast and thats why i am
satisfied by the little things. As i am slow.

Having green tea. ONe of the good health
drink.

I just clicked and this song ''Gives you Hell"
OHhhhhhhhh gives me memory of Malaysia.
Remember the time when i used to sing in the
place and wrote the lyric in my book and sang
along the song. Man i am activeeee caompared
to before. I cant believe i was that person and
all the things that i did. Oh that memory and
i am very happy now. Ha ha....

Well i guess life here is so boring and i guess
i have to say its better casue the danger i used
to live passed by without being in danger. I
guess i was extremely lucky to have passed it.
I have keep it aside and use that experience to
make me better in my life.

And i guess i have to change back to
sumanraistoryforyou cause thats the original
of me and the starting of my blog.

Any way thats it...

1856hrs
27/11/2011

I am feeling very tired and sick cause last light i woke
up around 2 am and today work was tough as i had
to work at the cooling tower. Not only way the work
tough the weather was against me. This has caused
my body to weaken i am feeling very weak. I will be
having an early night. Sleep is what i need to
re-energise my body system. Any way just checked
my account and the salery will likely come by 30.
Cause today is public holiday and if even if the
money is deposited it will at least take 2 to 3
working days. Any way i just need more rest.. Got
to sleep. Well thats it for now...Zzzzzzzzz

the time is like 255am a very early morning
of 26th November 2011. I woke up around an
hour ago cause i slept at 8pm after i came back
from work. I felt very exhausted from work and
decide to call an early sleep thats why i am
fresh from my beauty sleep. Althought i am
fresh but my back is not feeling comfortable.
Any way i had dinner at the cafeteria and that is
one of the reason why i could sleep. Any way
after i woke up i made myself a maggie noodle
and had a Pepsi drink cause i was looking for
coffee but there isnt any. My new blog address
seems cool but i guess i am still not used to it
for its new and maybe it will take time for me.

Now i am surfing some youtube and i just had
a smoke. The night is very silent and very
peaceful for me stay up and surf.

Well i guess thats it for today morning cause
i dont feel like writing and my brain not thinking
well so gonna call it for today....

2359hrs
25th November 2011

SUMANRAISTORYFORYOU was my blog
name for like 5 years and decided to change it to
 tryingtochangemylifesumanrai from this day as i
feel i need to change and i have changed. Well i
feel i am a new man and it gives me great joy in
life to start anew. I have come so far in life and
i want to start of new by changing everyday and
be grateful that i am alive and happy. I guess thats
it for me and will write more in the coming days
to come...GOOD NIGHT AND TO MY NEW
BLOG...  KEEP ON WRITING...

2115hrs
25th November 2011

I am lying on my bed and listening to Kiss the rain
by Billie Myers. And i am feeling very tired and
sleepy. Just had my shower cause i had went jogging
and had my dinner packet. Feel like i can sleep with
out cooking. Today was a busy day for me as the
work was quite busy. It went pretty well for i enjoyed
every moment of the day. Just switched on the AC and
i feel i dont have much to write cause i am feeling
very sleepy. |Guess i will wake up early cause when
i sleep early like before 10 i will usually wake up
around 12 or 1am. Lets see.. too tired..

0146am
25th November 2011

Hope you are reading this. Just wanted to share with
you my thoughts.

Good night. Need to sleep later morning shift.

1310 hrs
24th November 2011

Ah... there is like 50 more minutes before i
catch my bus to work. And i am still not doing
what wisdom is all about. See thats me just
killing time and when the situation arises
i am all red and lost. I guess this is what i
like about me. Cause i say one thing and not
putting any effort in the saying. How fucking
lame am i.

1313 hrs.. cool number and its the number
of the time on my right hand side of my note
book. My eye sometimes just crosses to check
the time and number it gives.

Going for a smoke, thought i will not buy for
today but my hand was itchy to spend the money
and the chain reaction is my health declining.
Good Suman.. Keep it up... MOney problem..
health problem.. Mood problem... Appetite
problem... and so on.
Well its 1324 hrs.. just came back from smoking
and before that i hung my laundry. Speaking of
laundry, life here is very easy. Just stuff the
cloth in the washing machine and press start.
Reminds me of Malaysia where i had to wash
my own cloth and i got used to it. I used to
wash all my cloth ftom bet sheet to my every
thing. And how fast i used to wash my jeans.
Think i took like 10 minutes or less. Its a
record for the fact for me. Ha ha.. And instead
of using washing soap i used LUX soap. Yes
the one which we used to take shower. The
one reason why i used LUX was if i use the
washing soap, the cloth stinked and i found
bathing soap was better. But i also learned
to use LUX efficently. The foam that was
left of the first cloth, i used it on the 2nd
cloth. By which i just apply less LUX soap
for the following cloth. Just cant imagine
here just throw it in the machine and just
press the START.

Again nice number 1331hrs... My eyes just
scanned the time and its a nice number... ha ha

I just went to FAcebook and checked my profile.
Man my status is married. Well better leave it
like that. Any way thinking what to wear for my
upper body. For the lower body i am going to
wear my new jeans. Need to seasoned it. The
more seasoned, the better. Any way her BD is
coming. Guess i will just greet her. If by
chance, oh forget it... Any way i will be 34 next
year and how my time is going so fast. And i
would have spent like 2,937,600 second of my
life by next year. Can you just imagine how
my time is ticking non stop since the day i
came into this beautiful world. By which the
ticking can also be refered to my heart. Always
beating no matter what situation i am in. Always
beating... Need to look after it cause once its
stop, everything stops for me. I will do my
very best to take care of myself. But the brain
is the problem. I will try to compromise this
2 important body parts of mine. OK you 2
did you hear what i am saying. Make my life
better and i will make better choices in life.

Time 1341hrs... Need a smoke and wear my
shoes and see if i am looking good in the mirror.

Reapplied my hair with wax and smoke and
wore my blue checked shirt that i bought in
malaysia. Its small but i need to wear it before
 it becomes old. The times is 1357 and i will
be logging off need to catch the bus to work.
Chow..

24th November 2011
1021am

What can i say.... Listening to Normal Academy
'Ghairo Akha' one of the song composed by
ex GC bhanjas in usa. The kid i used to remember
has good talent. Back than he used to be a
normal kid. And here he is making full use of
his life. Guess the right word would be make
the best use of your life.

I look at myself and i cant change is all thats i
know. Its just waste of my time only thinking
and imaginig. This fucking life is after all my life
which i cant change. One of the biggest reason is
that i got my life answer here, and where i found
my answer is not the place to stay and i decided
to leave.Find a new place and new life. I am just
 waiting  for that. I am hoping DV will work out
and in the mean time i will try to improvise myself.
Or else there are many opportunity out there.
Every thing takes time and being patience and
improving is the key to it. I know i am very
better than before and am striving to be better.
But sometimes it brings me crashing down back
to square one. I know i just cant just give up thats
why i am able to write.

Time only 1038hrs and i will be working in the
afternoon and next month straight afternoon. And
i guess thats back to basic like before when i just
recently moved to HVAC. Dont want the old
habit to repeat. Lets see. Cause the 2 AL that i
took, i planned something but ended up doing
nothing. So fucking wasted and what can the
afternoon shift would be like. Cant imagine.

So fuck it and fucking live. Am listening to
NIrvana 'Come as you are'. I feel like the song is
sickening me. Back i used to go crazy over it.
Maybe its time to change.

I just changed the player. sick of the shit. And...
Nothing much to say. thats it. chow.... 

24th November 2011
0122 hrs

Very early in the morning and i just came back
from work. It was very fine and i am talking
but the hearing at the cafeteria was not so good.
Its tough to concentrate and i am getting lost
for time to time. Cant do much about it and..
Hate to write all this shit. .

Today morning was not a bad day had. I think
overall my day went pretty well and i will try
to sleep cause i want to make my sleeping
pattern normal.

Any way there is nothing special that happened
to me and as above what i wrote it sounds
very lifeless. I want to write but nothing
coming out of my head. Well i will try to sleep.

2112hrs
22nd November 2011

2nd Last month of the year and all the memory that
was made weather in good times or bad times. What
can i say about it. Looking back how i wonder i have
come so far in life and wish i could just play back
what had passed in my life. But i cant
and in memory only could i try to recall it. All i can
say is  IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF MY
LIFE AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT EVEN
MORE MEMORABLE NEXT YEAR. Although
there is like a month more for next year its good
to express before hand. How life is worth even if i
am worthless. Its the uniqueness of me and thats
the best part of me. No one can copy me and i
guess i am the original. So what better way is to
write it in words and read it back when time tells
me to.

Tuesday is the day and i had a maggie georang and
butter with bread and sandwich form the hostel
dinner package.

Now i am trying a new song and i am stuck after
the first few lines... Its goes like...'' Kaati Ramri,
Kaati Ramri. Suhaai aahhhh koo. Maana Chornea,
Maana Chornea. Muskan dee ya ko." After this i
am stuck and cant go on as my Nepali is not
good. But i kind of like the tone and i feel good
that i composed it myself although it only around
20 second of song. I hope that i can complete this
song with meaning to it. Hopefully...

Any way work was ok and by the way i am
afternoon shift tomorrow just replacing my
colleague. Its 2 days of afternoon and as the month
is almost ending and SALARY round the corner.
Money Money,,, My hard earned moneys coming.
Looking forward to it. Hope the 5% of 11 month
comes and 5% incriment as well. Back few weeks
i had been calculating and planned some event
of the money. Lets see at the end of the month.

Time 2140hrs and how time moves so fast and
looking at the time i have not done much today.
Feeling wasted cause wisdom is time and nothing
can bring it back once it passed. I have to be more
wiser or the time will tick away and i have to
blame myself and when that happens time moves
even more faster. Which i can say stupidity will
only remain of me.

Any way nowadays i am playing SUDUKO a
game or 9 by 9 numbers on the grid. Currently
i have finished 50 of the 100 games and hope
to finish all soon. Once i start, i have to finish
it. And its makes my mentality better. And
currently i am smoking less but today i just
bought a pack and i am feeling bad about it.

I guess thats it for now and hope to write
more. Chow for now.....

I have like only 5 minute to write cause i missed the
first bus at 7 and i am taking 730pm but to my sis
place. going for dinner. Any way it 1925hrs and
21/11/2011...
Now listening to Poison.. every rose has its throne..
And now i have like 4 minute... Its like how time
is so precious and i dont have much of it and
i have to rush. Anyu way going to log off
for now.

20/11/2011
0721hrs

Woke up 20 minutes ago and had orange and did my
shit. My head is feeling heavy from the drink that i
had last night. Finished half the bottle which is not
good for the body but when i start i cant stop till
i drop dead. Well i guess life is a party sometimes.
Very fresh early in the morning and looking forward
for the day to see how todays going to be. Listening
to singapore fm station and going to make myself
bread.....
Just finished my bread and a smoke and my room
mates going to sleep as he just came back from work
. Just to bad for him cause i am afternoon shift and
he night shift.

Well today is a special day and life moves on no
matter what. I am optimistic about it...

18-11-2011
2158hrs

Just finished my dinner, had maggi noodle. First i
boiled the water and added 'sookiti' also known as
dried buffalo meat which Ramila had sent it from
Nepal. It was very spicy as the dried meat is mixed
with all the spices and especially chilli. Feeling
very full and need to let my tummy digest before
i sleep. Just opened youtube and played 'Kaha timro
mayalui lai' a very old song which was played at
Singapore Dashin festival at the drill shed. I was
very fond of the tone and it has special memory
of the festival and other things that happened
at Singapore. Just cant believe i have become so
old but believe i have not aged at all. I know i
am lonely but what can i do except to feel as
though i am happy. I know i was lost in space and
i am trying to move and every day is challenging.
Like today while having lunch as usual i was
trying to get life and suddenly i hear a ringing
in my ear. My only one ear which is the sound
of eveything was ringing and i felt so scared as
i have read such problem and the effect is
deafness. I could feel my sight loosing cause of
the emotion i was feeling. So i quickly finished
my lunch and made my way out to avoide the
noisy environment. And the rest of the day was
one hell of a day as i could not concentrate my
work. So i bought a new cigratte and my day
was smoking all the way. Finally around late
evening i told myself. If i loose my only ear
than i will accept it. But i will try to prevent it
by seeing the doctor. Any way so far i am
feeling ok and i have not have that proble. Went
jogging and did some light exercise.

Well i think i should call it a day for my blog
and thinking of resting.

0425hrs 18-11-2011

I was awake 20 minutes ago and made myself coffee
and smoked 2 cigarette. Guess its part of my daily
dose and i have like 2 more stick left. Dont know
how will my day go without it. I still have like 2
hours left to catch the bus to work. Here i am very
freah from my sleep as i slept at 10pm in the evening
last night and i had like 5 hours of sleep. Its good
that i had a good sleep. Remembering back than i
could not sleep for like 5 days from 8th to 12th Nov.
The only time i slept was like 1 hour or 2 hour
per day. I just could not sleep than and finally on
the 4th day i had wisky to put me to sleep. I guess
i am getting back to normality. Now listening to
some hindi song just to get me in the mood.

I just dont know what else to write cause my
brain getting blank and the songs are making me
sick.... Just changed new song 'Rancid' 'old frind'
One of my classic from the past. Its pretty exciting
as the intro starts off like 'Good morning Heart ache'
. Its sure is, my heart ache.... And i guess its good
to listen to such melidious song... and after which
listen to 'crying in my beer' by 'screeching weasel'
Just so perfect for the morning life to start my
off with. '''wHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU
HAPPY'''. 'cRYING IN MY BEER'. Any way its
good that i am enjoying the song rather than
the hindi song which is too much fantasy. Really
sick of the dancing and singing,, makes life more
miserable after watching such movies and songs.
Lets live in reality.....

By the way last night around 9pm after i came back
from my sis room. I had just changed and i just
wanted to sit on my bed. As i put my ass on my bed,
on of the support from the bed rack just broke
and luckily it broke at that moment. Or else my
laptop would have smashed cause most of the
time i leave it below my bed. Lucky escape or
else i would not be writing here now. After which
i broke the remaning 2 more support and removed
it from my bed. And now my bed is just on the
floor. Its good this way cause its the changes
of the moment.

Any way the time is 0454hrs and i am going
for a smoke. Feel like i need to inhale some
smoke for now.

Well i am back from my cigarette and its one
of my best friend other than Wisky. Wish Beer
was with me but this is middle east and wisky
is more convenient than beer. You know
what i mean. Affordable and less hassel.
I feel high after that smoke and i just watch
'Rancid' concert in Japan. Thinking of making
a tatoo. I think its cool. Maybe i will when
i go vacation. I have something on my mind.

Any way the early morning going smoothly
and going to do some push ups and sit ups.
Like the saying goes 'A healthy man is a
wealthy man'. There is many defination to
this pharse, And for me is as long i am
healthy i get to see another beautiful day.
How wonderful it is to move forward and see
the events unfold in my very eyes.

0511hrs and may be i will surf till 0530 and do
other stuff cause its not good to surf too long
to.

I guess i have to stop for now and do other stuff.
Life's a life after all and its time to stop here.
Chow for now..............

1308 hrs and its 16.11.11 and its a beautiful
afternoon cause i refer back my blog from
yesterday and it gave me all the good memory
from the past even though it was not good than.
It made me so... its hard to explain but i really
felt relieved cause.. damn.., did i did all those
things. I spent a great deal of time to enjoy the
moment as i read on and on.

Any way today i am in the afternoon shift and
i hate afternoon shift but i have to relief my
colleague cause its his off. And tomorrow
i am back to morning shift.

Any way i have labelled my imagination as
'Secondary' cause its not relevant to me and
its sure is a waste of time to imagine. But
it was out of control back and thats why
i am trying my best to control it. "Secondary"
i hope to overcome you and change for sure.
It will take time but i am willing to take the
time and change. I for sure i will overcome
it cause i am changing, even though people
are very far ahead of me and i am so back
to catch up with them. But i dont regret cause
even if i am slow least i know what my
problem was. So satisfied i am and no other
words to describe myself. Thanks for this
blog that i can share myself to see who i was
back than and how far have i came in this
life. One of the most important person i
would like to thank 'HER' cause i was able
to find my weakness which i have been
trying to find for the past 32 years. And again
'HER' cause i realise i should not be afraid
even if i have an disadvantage. And again
''HER'' cause i was always in an world
of my own. Wish i could do something
about it.......................


Any way its 1325.. thats like 35 minute
more to catch my bus.. have to start
preparing to go to work....

As always chow for now...

11/11/11
11th November 2011

The second last year before this special number will
come again in a centuary time. Of course i would be
dead by than. And i feel very special to be living in this
kind of special moment. Well i hope to live even
though my obsticles are far more difficult than most
of the people. I guess this is the so called 'LIFE'. And its
gets more exciting as each days goes on. I guess the right
word is to think of it in a different way. And i am alive
and kicking................................................

319am 7th of November

I have over came my fear of my life. Lonelyness is
what i will face. But i realise i must try my very
best to have less imagination or it will kill me.
So far tell you the truth i am really hurt but its
good that she has someone who makes her happy.
Is it not what i had wanted for her. It is and i will
cry as well as smile. Its the sacrifice a man has to
give in moment like this. In this i found out who
i am and one of the important thing for me is to
reveal myself or fight for myself. Since i have no
one than i have to be strong. I dont know how my
life will move from here. BUt lets see in the
coming days thats will come and if not i will
decide. I just dont want to be crazy or die for
nothing. I have survive one of the crazyest things
that have happened to me so far from my moving
life and i cant stop here. But something tells me
i might quit this job and go back. Lets see how?
Well this is it for now. My life moves on but
in a different way hopefully.

0841am

31st October 2011, last day of the month and 2 more month
before 2012. How time moves and how far i have come.
Listening to Warrent "Haven". It an old song from the 90's.
Brings back memories of the days that i used to...
Kind of not sure what i did but for sure this was the song
that i listened and one of the first english song that i listend
to. I mean i was very young than maybe less than 10 years or
maybe a bit older. Well its sure is wonderful to listen to it
and what better way to cherish it than to be listening to it.
And by the way my local leave started from 27th Oct and it
will end on the 7th Nov. I am enjoying the vacation and its
been going smoothly. 28th celebrated 'Tihar' and it was a
joyus occassion. Kopila and Sarita put 'Tika' and it the bond
between us thats keeps me going on. And not forgetting
dolly in Nepal. We chatted on skype and its wonderful to
be united even if we are far apart. Well got to shut down
the notebook for now... and i will be back again...

The time 2338 and date 2nd of October..
My 1st day of annual leave by which actually extra off and off than
will the AL starts. Any way it does not matter cause i am already
starting my off. Well what can i say... it did went pretty well as
the day went smoothly. Now still surfing the net since the whole
day. Least i did went jogging which has made me a bit more
healthier compared to if i had not went jogging. Kudos to me..
I mean sometimes its good to self compliment. Any way i dont
know when i will be able to sleep cause i did slept in the afternoon
and i am still feeling very much fresh. Hope i will write a history
for today cause its been very very long since i have blogged.

Ok now chewing gum at this hour, my mouth was itchy so just
chewing for the sake of it.

Just smoked a cigarette and here i am. How time tick away and
it already 2359. going to surf cause i am kind of blank for now.

Well as for me this is enough for today..

08/09/2011 2131hrs

First of all before i start,,,, i just like the number 13...
How much must i complain in my life... is it the fate of the
chosen ones... i just want to live a normal life,, is it too
much for asking??? finally the time for 'out of sight, out
of mind' is coming... Can i be stronger after this?? i doubt...
I know where ever i go i will find the same fucking problems..
So whats the answer for me... i dont know and i dont even
want to know.. i want to think no more... i just want to get high
and sleep...

Just cant imagine i came to this time... 34 just round the corner
and i just cant stop time and my heart beat just goes on..
do i feel happy about it... i dont really know the answer...
i just try to live..

how long must i think....

an early morning time 0639 060911 and i am as fresh as the bird.
Having black coffee and surfing the net with singapore fm station
Thinking of cleaning the room and staying fresh. The radio's playing
some good music and its making my early day looking good. Like
i say its the mood thats matter and lets see how the day will end.
So much has happened till now and how much i have thought of
my life has come so far and i dont know if it will actually have an
affect and will it really change. But most of the time its just a
repetance of my damaged thought. Its just repetance and i know
it but its just repeate and i just cant help it. Its just out of control
will be a perfect defination. Just let the thought do its part cause
its job is its own. Than later on i will try to compromise and do
my part to change and balance my self.

9 month is left for my vacation and i hope i will hang on till than.
I have to do it and i believe its the way of moving forward.
How time has moved to fast and how i wish to do so much
but...

I dont have much to say cause my minds like empty and
i guess thats it for this..

07/08/2011
1355pm..

I cant seem to live without blogspot. Its been

Time 0052 17th July 2011....

How time moved so fast and where am i?
Finally i realise who i am and i can do nothing
about it. How can i change whats wrtitten for me?
Hate it but i have to live it. Do i have a choice?
Really really hate it...
Tried to sleep but just could not enter the dreamland
and here i am in cyber land surfing. Best part i made
myself a coffee that i had bought in the evening.
Am not planning to sleep cause the saying goes
sleeping is a waste of time. So i will drink coffee
all night long and surf.

Here i am, and how i forgot to... you know what
 i mean. 18th June 2011 time 0320.. cooking...
Came from gym and making my food before bed.
Life is going smooth and learning and researching
who i am. Good that i am improving.. i think..
Least i have not forgot this site..
Looking forward for my sis, she will be coming
on the 23rd and i am pretty excited.. Any ways i
dont have much to say and i will end it here..

210am 15th May 2011

After countless days of drinking, here i am very fresh
from the gym. Did a thread mill jog and a bit of
workout. I was not expecting this day to come but
it did. So much has happen and too many thought
in the mind. Its too difficult to control the mind and
it gets out of hand most of the time. Cant control it
and cant hear clearly. This is why i have difficulty
releating to conversations. How same things am i
going to write and its the same with my thoughts.
Its spinning the same thing round and round with
a bit of changes here and there.

As a kid when i was like maybe 10 (dont know
exactly what age or the period) together with my
sister we used the sofa to built house and played
around. The sofa had 10 set, big one had 6 set of
sofa and the other 2 had 2 set each. How fond
memories to remember now cause thats how our
childhood had been spent and thats not all. There
are others memory too. Its just too difficult to
explain in sentances and words. Hope i can write
it more better the next time.

Its 222am and i think i need to get another
water melon. This was bought by my room mate
Arvin and its almost drying up cause its been in
the fridge for almost 5 days (maybe). Any way
i know it will end up in the garbage so i tried it
and its fresh as it just been cut from whole. Only
the outer area looks dry and stale. So excuse me
for a while i need to get a slice cause i had cut it
just before i started typing. Am back and its very
juicy and i just happen to see an orange that i had
bought back 3 days ago, my hotel meal. Guess its
going to be vitamin C for my supper...

Listening to 95m from Singapore and it classic
hits for the night.

Thats all for today, surfing wikipedia.com

08-05-11

Life going smoothly and am hearing
'i was born this way' sounds true...
Ok nothing much just that audit is starting
tomorrow and lets see how it goes.
Good night for now.

0133 and 4th of April.

I always had this weird feeling of number 13 back in
Malaysia. It had always been a bad number from people
thinking. And my employment number was 00113 in
VS industry. I always had difficulty with it cause the
number always appeared. Like my time the street and
other areas. I used to think i was jinxed than and now
sometimes i come across it and i have the same feeling
with this number. Guess my thought has not changed.

Later my best friend Roya Stag is coming may be 4..
Lets see... Need to some to my A/C too. Never too late
than never cause it will be handy when the time comes.
Listening to Blink 182 and enjoying the music.

Will be trying to have an early night.. Well i guess this
is growing up.... By 182..

Good night  :-)

P.S- Life goes on....

time is 0326 and its 29th April 2011..

April is ending and May round the corner and wow..
How things moves and i am very fresh cause i came
back from gym and i am very focused and its a good
thing. Wish it was like this every day but it aint
a fairy tale. Have to cherish and hope for it and hope
it happens more often. Just made myself a noodle
cause need to feed my tummy cause without it
my brain will not work and my life might stop.
Its a chain cycle and its good. Just had it and it
tastes sooo fantastic.

Any way salery came and its 2562. Maybe the last 2
digit is not so precise cause i cant access my account
cause its blocked cause i wanted to try to add a icon
for phone credit access. But i couldnt remember my
security question and it jammed my account. Tried
to call the bank but half way it ended cause my credit
ran out. Well i can only access it tomorrow when i
top up credit and call again. But for the first 2 number is
absolutely correct.

My noodle is almost finished and i can feel that its
not enough for my tummy and i might cook one more.
Ya i will cook now.

I am back and my noodle is ready.. Just need to mix the
noodle and the ingrident.
The noodle that i am having is Indo Mei-Fried noodle
Mee Georang.
The good thing about is that 'Its fast to cook and good
to eat'. A famous 'Maggie Mee' Quato.
Any way enjoying it.

I was supposed to be studying about my A/C theory..
But here i am..

Well this is for today and i will be logging off from
this.

the time 1343 and date 26-04-11

Life is going on and i had nightmare yesterday and
i am a bit scared of the dream i had.
And i  am trying to live a better place.
Bye for now.

24th April 20111...

Well i am a new man and i live a strong person.
New mission and a better life.
too much things to achieve.
So i move.

Well i left for the beach after work. And i threw it  away
the feeling for her cause i know it wont work. I will
only hurt you more when you are with me. I realise i cant
love you cause i am almost damaged. I realise it so
late that i am miserable and i cant do anything about.
Wish i could leave this place. May be i can using other
alternative. Later need Royal Stag. And it will be.
Nothing more to write except... 

1334hrs

I have like 20 more minutes to leave for work. Kind
of feeling bored and lazy. Not much improvement
at work. I try hard but lazyness and habitual is lacking
my way. ok i dont feel like writing anymore.

1336 and getting ready to leave for work.

New day to start with and looking forward to better.
Well i know it will come back to the same thing.
Least i am playing my part.. ha ha

Very fresh and it a sunny afternoon to begain the
day with. Thinking of nothing much and thats it
for the day,

17th April 2011
0309 hrs

Cant sleep, got up and had my shower and now surfing.
Well life seems too impossible to adapt. But i will
keep trying and i need more inspiration and a positive
attitude. I hope i will move on and on. The music is
kind of nice and making me up.

Life is going on and few days back i downloaded my
voice journal and kind of made me smile and stupid.
Same things repeated every day and the silly things
i did. Was a memory and i have come this far and i
dont know if i have changed at all. I feel as if back
than was better than now cause i feel as if this time
is worse off than that time. Always in trouble than
now as if i have no life at all. Only thing is i now
know who i am and why was i unique. But i cant
change a thing about it. Too depressing and
frustration. Lets see how far can i go on.

Ok so when i was sleeping and i was trying to think
of a paradise of greenary. Trees, grasses, animal and
all other nature. I was trying to put my self at that
location and live the moment. But the mind so
messed up that it wondered to other area. Tried
hard but no success and instead 4 Roya stag appeared.
Later i thought what could it be releating. And i assume
since i am not fincally able and cant return back or move
on to other area the only way for me to calm was the
4 Royal Stag. Am accepting it and lets see what happens
cause now its 324hrs and if i can make it in the morning
i will go and get it. My only friend for my life cause
only it understand it. Although it ruins my health it
really makes me happy. I dont care what tomorrow may
come i live for the moment. Cause for tomorrow to
come you have to live for the moment.


I guess i ought to log off for now... i will leave for the
other days to write and while i will surf for relexation.

Now 905am and i am all set to go to the city to get my
energy drink. Its a necessaty for a man like me. Have
not slept from yesterday and its going to be like 24hrs
if i come back on time. And hopefully i am going to
sleep than. I am happy and life goes on and i feel very
positive and looking towards for the days of my chapter
of my role play in an everyday life. Smells fresh and
ohhhhhh.. Its going to be a toxicating for the next 2 days..
ha ha.. singing too... and not forgetting cooking..
got to go..

12th was gone and 13th

Today was Benidicto Junior and Thia farewell and
i am sure very happy for them espically B.J. I am
proud and wish i had said something but i was not.
Well i guess i am dumb and useless. Ok no regrats,
least i was there cause no use regretting. i will cherish
the time we worked and it was one of my happiest
time that i had enjoyed my time. Best of wishes to you
and so long...

My verdict...
I am ok..
I just need my 3 Royal Stag...
Need to enjoy..
Than work hard...
Life has a road map..
Need to find it or make it..
Good night..

336am
I think what am i?
Why?
What must i do the wrong thing every time.
I know i hurt you even deeper.
Thought it was better for the both of us.
Than i come back and i really hate myself.
It would have been better if i could have
put a smile on your face.
You dont deserve this and so do i.
I could have changed and you could have
been my angle.
Even devil need affection and so do i.
So what do i do next??
Should i start a different approach cause
everyone is ment for someone.
You would have accepted it too.
Cause we are suffering in silence and
i am not doing much.


I will try one more time to take your
heart and if it does not work..
I know it will work cause you are
very hurt i can feel it cause i am
getting messages,,, like my finger got
hurt and its just not a finger, its the one whose
veins is closest to the heart.
Will try to put a smile on later and i know i can.
Cause we are ment to be together......


Good luck to me and please dont do something
carzy cause you are a strong lady.

5th April 2011..

I am flying... i am listening to music by Rod Steward songs.
Its not that i am particularily listening to it, it just appeared
from the bunch of songs that i am playing. Now i just forward
it and the next is 'November rain'. Dont think i need to mention
artist cause its a classic and one of the best of the 80's. Ok..
So here i am todays my off and i am trying to make it as
meaningful as i can cause i was almost insane yesterday cause
sometimes it happens and i guess my faith saved me from it.
And i am happy that i am not going to the city to buy 'poison'.
I mean alcohal for the fact. Its good thing that i am trying to
change cause.. Well lets see for this section. Cause action
speaks louder than words.
|Its almost 1014am and i am feeling hungry.. need to do some
sopping.. so gonna log off for now.

Well yesterday 24th March i cut my hair to 13 cm in lenght
and its going to be like that for almost 6 month. Need to do
some changes like the season.. Now doing some light exercise
cause i need to and its part of me.. thats all for now..

Well its late at night or better early morning.. 0143am
if you know what i mean. just came back from work
and am ready to bed soon and thought of surfiing
before i move ahead and here i am..
Lately been playing TT. and  i dont know if i am
improving or becoming worse cause from the games
that i had played so far. Its totally different cause some
times i am doing great and sometimes i play like i just
started playing. I dont know what kind of skill i should
call it?? It just that whoever i play with my skill will
copy the other person skills. So its like a replica of the
other skill.

Any my life is cool this time round guess i am controlling
my emotion myself cause others emotion comes from
other sourses. Well i think i must try to master this
skill cause its will be very useful compared to others as
this is a bonus skill that i guess i have. Lets see how far
i can go with it and how much i can improve it. Its life
after all. Tomorrow is a challange and i have to face it
and move on and the only way to life is live and move
on. Always look forward and never look back and stop
sometimes cause that is the time to accept the stop.
Its life cause there needs to be some break time too.
It part of life and part of every one.

Good night for now  and i need to sleep cause like i
said 'stop' is important to every day life. Do i have to
say more than this...

Well some of my mobile phone photos

27th Feburary 2011
time 12:52

how time flies as before i started to write this i was thinking
it was 2010.. My mind is not following the current affair and
i guess i must have to buck up my thoughts and move and
catch up with many things that i have missed so far. Now let
me go to youtube for some show.

I am back and just watched a Coca Cola advertisement. It
tell the story of how this drink can change the atmosphere
in a communnity of people. Its actually more of a marketing
theme to grab the attention of people and the viewers of the
TV and giving a message that coke is a offical choice for the
world..

Well again i am checking the other ads..
I am heating the Daal and am going to have my lunch..
||||||||Guess  this is it for today..

Well started my internet connection on the 17th Febuary and its
going smoothly.. need to learn more from the www..
chow for now..

050211 time 810pm..

Ohoooo... whats life...
Here i am trying to write some if i can.. See how far can my
finger works.. Been a long time since i have typed anything...
I dont really feel like typing cause i dont have the mood..
What i hoped for the days to come.. thought i would concentrate
my work and catch up with the things that i have missed in work
life.. but i now realise i ended up nothing to this far.. It just too
tough catch up with the last 33 years.. maybe i try to be normal
.. but i dont think i can i am saying and doing something else..
How do i chang.. its crap and bullshit....

Really hate and i am banging hard on the key board.. feel like
smashing the computer,,, but i cant cause its not my property..
i dont even have a computer at home,, could have bought but
i dont know where i spent the money.. every month i end up
spending around 1000 and i dont know what i spend it on...
Cant believe i am this jinxed.. till now..


Forget about the above and let me start something new.. But
what can i start off with... let me open youtube.com and listen
some songs.. yeaa i am in and surfing.. kind of pressed THE
CLASSIC. one of my favourite korean film... its loud and
its making me inspirational.. but can i write something...
Let see..

Tomorrow my shift is afternoon and i need to go early to
do "the Project"... For one month 2hour of O.T to finish
the 240 plus rooms to clean the filter for my side.. and for
the plumber side they are reparing the tap... an dfloor runner
i have no idea..

Fuck i dont think i can write..

NOw i am listening to John Denver classic... Country road..
Making me hight,,,

|Thats it.. i am done using th youtube..