857hrs

Fresh from my sleep and having fresh hot sweet tea.
What more can i ask for. Aaah how sweet the taste of
the hot tea can be. Need to get fresher by brushing my
teeth and having shower. Today gonna meet munna and
have lunch and call home to greet the new year.

0124hrs
01 January 2011

Am so happy the new year has started well for me and in a
good mood. Which is why i am drinking and making merry.
A new life starts for me and all my thoughts shall work for
me even if it does not i at least will try. Trying is a must and
i will make it for sure. Resolution is a good things and i will
make it for sure.

All the memories of 2011 was a beautiful
memory and i have no regret that happened.
And i look forward for 2012 which is i
have planned and i will implement it.
Know its going to be tough but if i cant
make it than i will be in trouble. I know
i just need faith in myself and principle
to see just that.
FAITH FAITH FAITH

Smoking cause its going to be my last since its in the
list for changes as i have abused and emberessed
myself too many time, and i really hate it. Not
forgetting my energy drink too. Ha Ha...

Listening to music in youtube and its making
my time priceless...

142hrs..The first time i started smoking was when i was 21.
This was the time after i finished my 'O' Level. I did not made 
the grade and cause i started smoking. Frankley speaking 
i did not made in any effort in my study and i was hoping
for miracle. Which was so fucking stupid as i look back.
How could i have felt like like that. This is how i have always
wanted my life to be. Which is so fucking stupid. And cause
of that i am smoking for the last 12 years. Is it not stupid 
decision i am making. And one of the most stupid thing i
made, which is gambling. Gambled all my life for 17 to 31.
Always made me complete even if i was pocketless and
without food. If only i had made a girl my life would have
changed. But i did not did that instead i carried on and 
now my brain is so corrupted that i dont know what i am 
doing sometimes..And finally THIRI... Guess this is part 
of life.. I am gonna get.......this year and i have to.. I am 
gonna do it...Might be quitting my job as i know i will
not be anywhere form this place. Seriously...

200hrs and i am still drinking and eating... ha ha..

I had a choice and i will not say i made the right or wrong
choice. . I just say i move on....

217hrs...
Happy New Year and i am happy....

124hrs

Everyone wants a beautiful life and its not as easy as life can
be. Too much struggle and its called insanity.. I am stuck at
the same point in life and i dont remember moving at all.
Only way for me is to move to another point but i dont
have any fucking idea and i cant leave this place just like
that. Drinking is not the solution but i dont have any other
idea. Guess thats why i have to drink and abuse myself.
Love it and will drink more. Tomorrow gonna call home and
see if this will be the changing point of my life..
For now i wanna drink...

1153hrs
Have like 1 and a half hour left to make a move. Just
cut my hair and looking neat except my head looks
terribly horrible. My head is out of porpotion thats
why whenever i cut it short, it looks horrible. Any way
its time to look ugly for some time until it grows long.
Today going to wear new pair of socks and with that
i will be using total 4 white socks. I am suppose to
wear black but the ones that i have are synthatic and 
its goes horribly bad when i wear it on safety boots.
The smell is unberable so i use 100% white cotton 
socks. Its does not smell and best of all its comfortable.
So dont care..

2 more days to 2012 and how time went by 2011. Cant
remember much but its going to be over and how
fast time is moving...

Just closed the curtain form my window as i dont want
the light from outside. Its irrteating my eyes.

1322hrs and going early cause i need to withdraw and
remit...
so chow for now,,,

216am

Munching bread for my supper and gonna have the yogurt
that i bought yesterday.

Man i am fresh. Really. I went gym and its been very long
since i been to the gym and i have to maintain physically
and mantally. Now that i have started i just need to carry
on and better myself.....

Secondaly... Cant remember when was the last time i used
SHAMPOO.. Think that was like 2005.. Today was my
first and i better take care of my looks too.. Guess it more
like self impression...

Any way did my groceries for January and the internet bills
already paid too. Now i have to seriously think of quitting
my smoking habit. Spend too much on it and only afffect
my health, mood, perspective... I hope i can,,

Its over and seriously i have won and i move on.

well try to sleep for now and have to make a habit to wake
up early cause i am morning shift from next year...Yaaaaaa

1218hrs
28th December 2011

3 more days to 2012 and looking forward to the new
year with a drastic changes. This is not what i am
excepting but what i am going to do. If it works out
than i am changing and if Cant just waste my life
just sulking away.

Well just playing my guitar and i wanna stop here...

139am

Merry Christmas... A wonderful occassion to cherish yearly
for we mankind are a apecial species and we have to remenber
we are special. And to make our life worthwhile we have to
have occassion to celebrate our existance of principle and
for the newer generation to follow. Cause its life and its
precious in every way. Only some will be remembered in
history but the rest were there to make that happen and the
rest are the special ones. With out the special ones the one
in history is nothing. And here i am drinking and listening
to my own song that i have recorded some times back.
Although i am high it good to be high. Why would mankind
create such things. Cause not all are perfect. I am thankful
that i am in the right sense. Dont know how long will that be
but i enjoy tonight.

Just prepared the daal. Dont want to eat noodle. Althought
it will take a lot of time, i will wait like i have waited for me
to come this far. Heating the water and just need to put in
the daal. Hope i will have daal and rice and not just drop
dead on the floor cause of drinking. ha ha

201am and daal is still cooking. Think i will have my food
only around 3 plus.. |Lets see..ha ha.. now playing my guitar.
Just opened the window for cool air..

211am.. still enjoying the intoxicating.. but i feel depressed..
Drinking was suppose to be happy but i am depressed..
Need to change my mood.. Daal is still cooking and i
have taken out the onion and garlic.. just need to prepare
later..

I was just playing my guitar and i realise that life is more
interesting if its in pain. |Every one is living the same way
except me. Man i feel special. Right.. ha ha.. But tomorrow
i will feel the suffering again. is this life better than others.
May be it is..Daal is still cooking..

228am.. just preapared the onion and garlic and am listenig
to Billy Joel- Piano man.. And i just closed the window the
air is too cold for me..Just top up my glass of wisky..
I know i am having too much but i need to make my food
and eat it before i sleep...
Just top up water in the daal..

231am and i am still drinking... Next year i am going to do
great.. for sure i have to..

242am... There is a saying.. The older you grow, the wiser
you will become. And i can say i have become wiser and
i cherish my life. I will always will..Listening to Nepathay
'Yo jindagani' aka this life....

256am... Cant believe life is so beautifulllllllll............
and i am still alive.....
300am.. I mean every thing is beautiful,,, ha ha

My daal is ready and i am cooking my rice.. 306am.. Now
just need to prepare the egg.. gonna close the window,,,
ha ha..

314am... too high and i can still write.. ha ha

Just came back form the toilet.. wHAT goes in must come
out... ha  ha..

317am... light up Marlboro cigaet..

Just played Danny dezompa songggg
ha ha..

321am just tasted the rice and now i am going to cook egg..

325am.. just finishd cooking egg and serlou just came back..

ok.. after this i am gonna eat and sleep..

117am

Now in my bed and surfing. Sick of the table and chair.
Yesterday woke up early and the day went dragging so
around 10 plus slept. And cause of that i dont think i 
will fall asleep so soon. Got my ATM debit card after
my old was damaged. I could still withdraw cash but
i could not use it at shops to buy groceries. This is the
future man whats the point if i cant use the card to buy
things. Its not like in the 80's where we have to keep
money and use money every where. Now just swipe
the card and the goods is yours and i dont have to 
count the change and stack it nicely in my wallet. Thats
why i reapplied for a new one. I will be charged AED20
for the replacement. I have already activated the card 
and my balance was 18.58. Spent too much this month.
From next month i hope i can save some. Speaking of
saving, the service charge is going to be less cause the
hotel guest occupency is low and is expected to be low
for the next few month. Man how am i going to save.
Salary still not in and wondering how is the amount thats 
going to come. Looking forward to it. Now my total 
balance is 45 + 18. Cant believe i spent so much and
now i am feeling the pain.
Some times i feel like hammering my head cause the
thought keeps coming back. And i have typed too
many times in my phone and it ends up as draft. Than
i will mark all and delete all. Cause after that i remember
the word 'mark my word'. And i dont know how long
more of this will happen. Lucky i am not going crazy.
Maybe it will take more longer cause it was too long.
I dont know.. Sometimes i feel like i should just...

134am.. think thats enough..

114am
22/12/11

Here i am ready to sleep. Just wanted to jot down something
before i sleep. 3 more days to Christmas and 9 more days
to New Year. Which means 2011 is ending and 2012 a whole
new package to life. I am looking forward to it and i have not
prepared much. Need to have principle in my daily life.
Salery should be coming and the 5% thats suppose to come.
Any today had a chat with Makar. Long lost friend from
Singapore. Man he has kids almost 14 years and cant believe
how time has moved. I feel like i was lost and not him.
There will be time for the catching up to do.

Any way thats all for now..

125am and i am having wisky and mexican chicken. Just
bought it so i dont have to eat noodle. And i have spent
1200 this month. Wow cant believe i am so good in
spending and in earning a penny. Have to do something
about it. Never mind the spending but i need to earn more
to balance it. I am not stupid but cause of this impairmen.
2012 is on the way and i must do something about it. And
2012 i will be different for sure.... A promise i make...

Last night drank too much.. 75% of 70ml Napoleon was
consumed by me and now i am finishing the 25%. Man
i know i can drink but that was too much. Not good and
i cant do anything about it. It happens naturally..

i know i will move no matter what,,, i will for sure and i
am going  to be a better man..

125am
19/12/11

Just ready to sleep as i came back from work. Cant believe
i found my trasnaction of how i started to use my money
for business in Malaysia. And it was a big flop. All minus
and if only i had put in more effort. The result would have
been more better. This time i really have to put in more
effort in what ever i do or else i am gone for sure. My
only problem is i slag cause of my hearing.
Man the last 2 days was like hell and cant believe i am out
of that. And that kind of shit will come again. How do i
move from this kind of obsticles. I cant and i have to
read and think. But like all other 'off' i am not making use
of the time and this is also the cause of it. Need to cahnge
or else i loose. I have to put it to action. Have to and also 
my health. Very important..
Man i have to...

1225pm
15/12/11

All prepared except my hair and shoe. Last light or
today early morning finished my remaining liquor.
There was not much but enough to make me sleep.
Woke up late like almost 11 and here i am almost
ready to leave. There is still time so make use of the
time surfing..Now calling Duk on skype.. He returned
back from Nepal almost a week by now. Man he has
a life. Married with a daughter and working in
Hong Kong. Thats life is it not..

Any way going for a smoke..
All ready, hair, shoes and now chatting with Duk...
So chow for now...

840am and again my daal got burned. I had just
composed a new song and was too busy
composing it that i forgot about the daal. Shit
this is the second time that happened or so.
Cleaned the pan and again cooking the daal.
Hope it will not happen again, as i try to
compose the song. Just now at 6 am i went
down and i bumped into one of the
housekeeping staff and asked him for a cigaret.
After smoking i came back to my rooma and
cleaned my room. Than i contuined to watch
the movie from youtube. This is a Thai movie
titled 'season change'. I just top up the water
for the daal dont want it to be burned again.
About the movie, it was good and i have not
watched Thai movie for a long time so it was
even better. |About the review.. you should
watch it and...
Damn my stomach is empty can feel the
uneasyness its causing me. Need to bite on
something. Stupid of me not to buy bread
when i had gone to the shop just now. Need
something or else not good. And the cause is
also thanks to cigaret. Already smoked 3 after
i bought it. I can also feel the effect in my
throat. let me see what i can eat...
I am back, had 3 strip of short beans. Dont
know the name so gave this name for it. Half
of radhis and half way left it in the fridge and
later i might munch on it again. Finally fried
egg and just sprinkled salt and finished it. Man
i need to train my habit cause it not a good
habit to eat and shit to often. Listening to my
song that i had recorded and the lyric is too
short and the melody is mostly same. Need
inspiration to improvise it.Wanna go for a
cigaret.
Any way the lyric goes something like this..

THIS ARE THE DAYS OF MY LIFE
WRITE A SONG, TO REMEMBER YOU

CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE
ONLY YOUR, SWEET MEMORY

This is the lyric and as you can see its too 
short and have to put in more words.
Going for a smoke and also need to check
daal.
Am back and again took a picture of the 
reflection of the sun from the marble of 
the kitchen. Around 6 plus i had taken a 
few picture of the sun rising and the picture
are very very superb and no words to
describe it. Now want to practice the song.
Time is 912am and there is like 6 hours left.

Yesterday was a depression mood for the
whole day as i was out of idea and i idle the
whole day and it cause depression mood.
Todays going smoothly and dont know how
it will go for the rest of the whole day here
and at work.

Cant believe exchange rate for Nepal has
become 23 and i had thought it might drop
to 21. Again not so good in forcasting. Need
to learn the trick to better financing. I need to
save for the rainy days to come.

Chow for now...

457hrs
14th Dec 2011

Woke up at 3am and wasted 2 hours and here i am
listening to 'cry on my shoulder'. Its a so so song.
Any way last night drank too much but i managed
to digest the drink and food and here i am in good
condition. Not like the 2 days back incident. Woke
up to a heavy hangover. And last night dinner was
the best. Had as usual Rice, Daal, Beans cooked
and radish(white carrot). Man its the best maybe
the way i cooked and prepared. And i really have
to pat myself on my back after all i am the best.
Ha ha. OHh cant forget the 2 days back dinner.
Shit... it was indon noodle mixed with hot spicy
chilli. After which i had to cook again. This time
maggie mixed with the chilli again. AND what
happened yesterday, i had a very bad stomach 
reaction the whole day. Maybe more than 10 time
i had to visit the toilet.

Had indon mee as my breakfast and egg plus
added fresh beans for the decoration. And took
a picture rom my mobile and put it as wall paper.
Made myself tea with milk before the mee and
cleaned the kitchen. This kitchen is always in
a mess as my room mate-Sherlo is a PIG cause
he is a PIG. Told him too many times but if he
does not want to listen than i cant do anything
but to call him PIG. And i dont know what to
call the girls whom he brings in his room. |well
guess PIGS too..Stays  overnight when the last
visiting hour is 11pm. Man... cheap girls i guess.
Now the kitchen is very clean and here i am
behind closed door as i dont want to disturbe
my room mate Rudhra..
Its 523am and i cant believe 2 and a half hours is
already gone. Works is at 1500hrs. Thats like 
10 hours before i start work. Dont know how i
will spend the day before i go to work. I been 
using this laptop and cant believe i still have to 
look at the keyboard to type. Man i had my first
computer in 1995 and still by now i have to 
see the... Kind of emberessment..

Will write later.. log off for now

2230hrs
12/12/2011

Came back from my sis room and now drinking. Got
a bottle from Ricardo. Wanted not to but its my off.
Not only today, tomorrow as well. So i thought why
not have a drink. Life is going smoothly and i have
to do so much in life than this. I am too far behind
and i need to do some catching up to do.

0118hrs
12/12/11

early in the morning and just came back from work.
I have to be strong and i have to move on. Thats
what life is all about....

Yesterday was almost insane for me...Wanted badly
to talk to her. But nothing..

Around 7pm there was complain that exhaust for
sofra was not working and went to roof top to
see what was the problem. After rectifying the
problem, i went to check the bee. They were
there all cramely packed together. I shone my
bright torch at them and they all started to move
to  dark area. I just happen to put my test pen
and pinched at the hive. And to my suprise
there was honey inside. Man i was very excited
cause the last time i had only took the outside
and thought there was no honey. Here i realise
you have to go deeper to get the treasure. I
tasted my test pen as the honey was on the
tip of the test pen. I got excited and i burned
the paper and i took a handful of honey as the
bee moved from the smoke. I had it and the 
feeling was very special. Yaamm. Cant believe
i had my first original honey from the hard 
working bees directly and even better in
country like UAE. Its really special and life
is special with simple things. Any way late into
our work i offered to my colleague. So i bought
it in a cup and Puskal ate it saying 'thats real
honey' cause he did not believe me in the
cafeteria when i told him i had ate real honey.
Later Laxmi came i told him the way to eat it.
He acted too smart and he drank directly in the
cup. And as he chewed the honey, one of the
bee had gone into his mouth and had stung his
tounge. I had a good laugh and joked.'' I went to
an extreme danger where there were thousand of
bee and stole their honey still not getting stung 
and here he is, just tasting the honey he got stung'' 
I mean is it not funny... Very comedic right...
Ha ha ha...
What i really like to say is i am very thankful to
this bees, because of them i had the original
honey and they will continue to give me  more
honey. Thank You from the bottom of my heart....


Took the 1230 bus and i had sat in the front of the
seat and was talking to Bandana husband about
NIM Paata. A kind of leaf for medication. And i
saw Mani was outside. I realised there was no
seat available for him and he was alone outside.
I could not bear the lonelyness and i told the
driver i wanted to alight. There we were outside
together. As we came he offered me drink. Well
i ended up at his room and we had SIgnature
drink with 3 other guys. And the food one of
the guy had cooked was chicken. And what
special about this was he had cooked mutton
and chicken together. This was unique cause
i had ate both meat in my life but never in my
life had i ate both meat cooked together. Guess
life is sometimes very special. And i left at
210am hoping to catch the bus. Waited for so
long and realised the bus had left. There i
decided to walk back to the building. As i
walked after 5 minute i had my pee in the
middle of the night. I knew i could be caught
by the police cause i was drunk plus i was
doing nature call in the middle of the night. 
Contuined to walk and after 10 minute had
my second pee. Ha ha. As i came near the 
roundabout i realise i was on right track to 
the building. So i started to run. It was very
cool and the i took out my jacket. The feeling
high in alcohal and in the middle of the night
free of everything. So special.. ha ha
Finally reached my room, made myself 2
packed of indon mee and after that slept
peacefully. 

Here i am, 1249hrs and having a bread as my
tummy is empty and also closed the curtain
of my room. Surfing
Got to get ready for work...  

1130hrs
9th 12 2011

Having bread with water,, too lazy to cook and just
listening to my song. Bought this bread in the
morning with indon mee. Need the noodle cause
the maggie is horrible. In the morning its gives me
bad stomach problem. Its the second time i have
faced this problem when ever i had maggie.
Last night was horrible. In my sleep i can feel like
i can just die in my sleep. Happened too many time
in the night and decide to wake up. Dont know if
its the hunger or have i abused my body too much.
I feel its the latter. Like a few days back i smoked
almost 35 stick. Its obviously the smoking. I tried
too many times but i cant seems to cause of the
lonelyness. Fuck this shit. I need to try. Too many
times i have said this and fuck it.. Dont want to
write of this shit again.

Just came back from my smoke and having the
bread that was unfinished. After this gonna play
my guitar. See if i need to do any changes.
By the way have cover the light from the window
with the curtain.

1143hrs.. time is moving slowly. works at 3 pm..

As what i said yesterday that i will exercise. But i
woke up late and i did not do as i said. Sometimes
cant do as what i planned.

Any way nothing much to say...

123hrs
9th Dec 2011

Its early in the morning of 9th Dec and i had just
came back from work. Smoked a cigaret, ate
yogurt and brushed my teeth. Going to sleep
soon as i was feeling sleepy back than, Too
much things to worry and too lonesome. I cant
do anything about except to try to look for
alternatives ways to deal with it. Morning need
to go running and gym. Cant believe my weight
is piling and just looking in the mirror makes me
emberess. Cause i felt like i have loose weight,
but instead it was winning weight. Need to
be serious./.

Good night...

1230hrs
8th December 2011

Listening to my song that i composed and recorded
in my phone. Its out of words for me... Too good
to say any thing about it. Sometimes i wonder if we
were not there. Life would have been much better
i think. What are the changes that happened. In the
end we ended up there but lost in the thoughts.
How can i change all this. There is nothing i can
do and just stay in silence.



Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Stream of water, will get it in pail
Forest dried branches, collect and shall i bring
Mom cooking, Dhiroa and Gunruuk
Dad in the field, farming the rice

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Thisss suffering, comfort
Memoriesss sweet, sour
I guess, this is called

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

Heyyyyy my villager...
Wait for me, for a while

This is in the english version. Althought its not
too good translated, It goes something like
that. Today going at 1.30pm to work. And i
would like to meet munna. Wanna have lunch
together. Now wanna play my guitar and see
if i can modify anything...

Last night was too much thinking and too difficult
to fall asleep. All the thiking which is relavent for
the coming times and decision making. Its good
to think but not the right time to think when i am
about to sleep. Luckily i managed to fall asleep
maybe around 2 or 3am. 
943hrs of 7th Dec 2011. Finally my work starts
in the afternoon at 3pm. I went to take my 
breakfast and bought chicken and tomatoes,
chilli, garlic. Want to cook lunch before i go
to work. The 3 days that i was off, did not cook
rice. Just had noodle or went to my sis house.
And here today i want to cook before i go to
work. 

Now days i have closed the curtain of my windows 
as my sight is irreating me. Maybe cause of the 
light form outside is cause it as i am surfing directly
on the screen and the light from the window is
coming to my eye. Now my room is dark and the 
only drightness is from my laptop. 

I have cooked the daal. Just have to boil the beans
till its cooked. Should take around 1 hours. And 
i have put the chicken on the pan to defreeze it.
Cant get fresh chicken only frozen. Later on i
am going to prepare the ingrident before i cook
the chicken.

Emirates NBD just called me to change my account
particular as they have difficulty sending me e-mail.
Ya... my ID is wwwsumaurai, which was supposed 
to be wwwsumanrai. This idiot emirati girl who was
filling up the form for me when i first applied for 
NBD account had made a mistake or purposely
made the mistake. You know how this people are
who feel they are superior and look down on people.
Because of this idiot i have to re-make my e-account.
Dont know when i will go and make, as the bank are
busy finallysing the end of year acclount. I feel lazy
to go. Maybe tomorrow.

Just went to check Daal. The water has lessened and
i heated the kettle and after that top up the water in
the daal. Want the daal to cook longer for better
taste. Just 2 days back i had cooked daal and as
usual i heated the daal with water. Than went to
surf. While surfing, i had opened my luggage and
was checking my secondary classmate photo. And
with that i checked out if i could find my friends
from facebook. Tried a few names but could not
find them as the names are popular and too many
.. you know what i mean. Finally i found K/Kesavan
and i added him as friend. See i was so busy
surfing that i forgot about my daal. I rushed to the
kitchen and there it was totally disaster, The daal
had dried and burned. Shit there goes my daal and
i ended up having noodle. Too much MSG. Not
good for the health. This is what happens when i
am too busy to notice anything. But today i cant
let my guard down. Today i will have my daal
no matter what. Chicken will also be in the menu.

As of today i had 1 cigaret from the balance of
yesterday. 31 cigaret was smoked the whole day
yeasterday. Fucking dumb aint i. Shit stupidity.
And by now i had smoked 2 stick so far and i
have 1 more stick left that i had bought just now.

Now is 1017hrs. Need to go check the daal.
Decreased the heater for the daal and changed
the water for the chicken. I might cut the chicken
or  better still prepare the ingrident first...

2341hrs
6th Dec...

A few minute to 7th dec. And i cant sleep cause when i
think about marriage. I have nothing and i am not good
in relationship. It scary and i cant sleep at all. There is
so much i have to do once i am a husband. I try to
think i will go with the flow but its not so easy as it
sounds. Damn i am going crazy. Like i have to leave
to work outside. And when i was younger i told myself
i will be with her. Man this is not so easy....Called
Ricardo for drink but tells me out of stock and only
thing i have is my guitar. Guess i will play the song
that i composed the whole day to comfort myself.
The whole day was depressing and in the evening
was a disaster. Had told myself i will not smoke or
smoke less and i finished like 27 stick thewhole day.
Shit whats happenning to me, am like a smoke
machine. This is really danger of me. May be i was
alone the whole day too. Marriage is scary but i
have to no matter what get married next year. I just
cant avoide always. I have to  and i have to.
2354hrs and this is all and going to play guiter and
eat snack that munna bought for me. Before i sleep

Man i cant believe i can make myself to tears. This new
song that i composed sounds so magical and i have no
words to describe except tears. The first few lines
like'' Heeeey Meri Gauulaay''. Now my mission for me
is to complete this song and put it in youtube. Its
so damn magical....

2312hrs
5th Dec 2011

I just went down to buy 1 stick of cigaret. Cause
i need to quit this bad habit. My health is
declinig and because i over use it, it has caused
too much side effect. Like my mood, sight,
respetary, thought... Observation has told me its
not a reliever but a destroyer. Lets see how the
next few days will be..

Went to sis house for dinner. We cooked pork.
First marinated it and fried it in pan with oil.
Than brocali with prawn and tomatoes. daal.
Heated the fish from yesterday. Dinner was
wonderful and Anju was also invited. Oh yes
egg was also in our food. Well told munna
about the topic i had with mom and Ramila.
Kali was too busy with her work and with
Islam. So she does not know much.

Any way i dont know which IDIOT is trying
to be so smart that he hack into my
personal folder of the computer. I am so
fucking angry that i deleated that folder for
guest. I mean i am giving people for free
and they abuse this kind of previlage. Man i
am paying 100++ per month and not forgetting
also this laptop. Shit i really hate this kind of
fuckers. Shit is what they leave behind after
all this. Fuck

2 days have finished of my off and i have like
one day left. Need to make use of the time.
Today was wonderful. My alcohal have finished
and i must not waste in such things from now
on.

Well got to sleep and need to refer some work
before i sleep. Nite nite...

THIS ARTICLE BELOW IS FROM CNN AND IT IS THE EVENT THAT TOOK

PLACE IN 2011.And i cant believe so much happened.

From the Arab Spring to a global economic crisis to the killing of Osama bin Laden, 2011 has been defined by historic and dynamic events that will shape the world in the years ahead.

A revolt across the Middle East and North Africa began with the self-immolation of a struggling merchant in Tunisia and spread across the region. Egyptian protesters toppled the 30-year rule of Hosni Mubarak, and rebels in Libya battled against supporters of long-time strongman Moammar Gadhafi.

Gadhafi was eventually killed in October after months on the run from rebel forces and NATO bombardments.

The significance of the Arab Spring is indisputable, but was it the biggest story of the year?

The earth shook off the coast of Japan in March, triggering one of the worst tsunamis in years, destroying nearly everything in its path and sending millions fleeing for high ground.

Beyond the utter calamity from the 9.0-magnitude earthquake, Japan found itself dealing with the worst nuclear crisis since the 1986 Chernobyl disaster. The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear facility was knocked offline, resulting in a meltdown of three reactors, with radiation leaking into the air and contaminated water spilling into the sea.

The long-term effects from the stricken plant remain unknown.

Natural disasters hit the United States hard, too. The largest tornado outbreak ever recorded swept across across the South, Midwest and Northeast -- with a record 207 touching down on April 27 and killing 346 people. Alabama bore the brunt of the destruction, with a massive twister turning the college town of Tuscaloosa into a disaster zone.

Three weeks later, a mile-wide tornado ripped through Joplin, Missouri, killing more than 150 people and wreaking havoc across the blue-collar town at the edge of the Ozark Mountains. It marked the deadliest single tornado in 60 years.

From Washington to New York residents in August braced for Hurricane Irene, a powerful storm that forecasters feared would cause catastrophic damage. The storm weakened before landfall, but it still was blamed for at least 20 deaths in eight states.

On the battlefield, Navy SEAL Team Six became part of American military lore when the elite unit raided a compound in Pakistan, killing Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda and the most-wanted terrorist in the world who had orchestrated the terror attacks of 9/11.

For President Barack Obama, the bin Laden raid marked a high point of his presidency. Sometimes considered soft on terror, Obama achieved something his predecessor failed to do: bring the terror mastermind to justice.

The killing came ahead of the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, which was marked by the opening of several memorials, including an outdoor tribute at Ground Zero in New York.

The United States also marked a decade of war in Afghanistan, a conflict that began in the months after 9/11 aimed at rooting out al Qaeda terrorists. While the Afghanistan war rages on, the United States is preparing to pull out the last of its troops from Iraq.

The year also was defined by economic turmoil. Prime ministers in Greece and Italy quit amid a slow-motion fiscal disaster unfolding in Europe, while Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. credit rating for the first time after it said Congress failed to do enough to stabilize the country's debt situation. The downgrade, which came after an eleventh-hour agreement to raise the debt ceiling, damaged an already-stagnant economy.

As the U.S. saw unemployment hit 9 percent, the Occupy Wall Street movement -- a grassroots protest against policies favoring the richest 1% -- spread to dozens of cities across the country and Europe.

Meanwhile, Republican presidential candidates looked to seize their campaign to retake the White House in 2012. In October, former VP candidate Sarah Palin and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie disappointed supporters by saying they wouldn't run, and by early December the GOP field seemed to be down to two serious contenders: Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.

In July, the world was reminded of man-made tragedy with near-simultaneous terror attacks in Norway.

A car bomb exploded in Oslo targeting government buildings, while miles away, an armed man opened fire on a youth leadership camp, killing 77.Months earlier, Rep. Gabby Giffords was shot in the head as she met with constituents at a supermarket near Tucson, Arizona. Six people were killed in the attack, including a young girl and a federal judge.

Giffords has awed the nation in her recovery. Married to astronaut Mark Kelly, the congresswoman traveled to Kennedy Space Center in May to watch as her husband commanded the final launch of space shuttle Endeavour.

A few months later, NASA launched the final space shuttle mission, retiring the fleet of historic spacecraft after 30 years. The mission, STS-135, ended on July 21 when Atlantis arrived back at Kennedy.

Other stories dominated the headlines, too.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty in Florida in her daughter's death, while Conrad Murray was convicted in the death of superstar Michael Jackson.

Charlie Sheen's raging narcissism captivated the nation for a couple weeks as his bizarre behavior prompted his TV bosses to fire him from "Two and a Half Men". Other bad boys popped into the news: Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York tweeted a picture of himself in his underwear and soon was forced to resign, and Maria Shriver filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger after a family housekeeper came forward about her love child with the former California governor.

Scandal struck far and wide in 2011. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, once seen as a future leader of France, quit as head of the International Monetary Fund after he was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel housekeeper in New York -- a charge that was later dropped. British tabloids run by media tycoon Rupert Murdoch were hit by a phone hacking scandal that resulted in the flagship News of the World folding.

In the United States, child sex abuse scandals tainted athletics programs at Penn State and Syracuse universities basketball team. Jerry Sandusky, a former Penn State assistant football coach, was charged with multiple counts of sex abuse against children, and legendary head coach Joe Paterno was fired in the scandal's aftermath. In Syracuse, assistant basketball coach Bernie Fine was fired after three people, including two former ball boys, said he molested them for years. No charges have been filed against Fine, but multiple investigations have been launched.

Yet not all news was bad in 2011. The world got a brief respite from doom-and-gloom headlines in April when Prince William and Catherine Middleton wed at Westminster Abbey.

Their wedding was one of the most-watched events of the year -- from TV to the Internet. On the streets of London, many captured royal images on their mobile devices and instantly shared them with friends.

Some of those images might never have been shared if it hadn't have been for the creator of the iPhone: Apple founder Steve Jobs, the genius who led the home computer revolution and inspired some the world's most popular mobile devices.

Jobs died of pancreatic cancer in October. His final words, according to his sister, were "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow!"

Fitting words for 2011.

1405hrs
05/12/2011

I said i will not smoke much from now. But see..
Let me check how many stick i have puffed so
far... Only 2 stick left.. Shit i smoked already 8
Why must this be happening... Why....
Any ways chatting with Ramila.. Too much
to talk... Its been long.. hope she comes here
soon so that she can move on in life.

Finally i have made progress on my own song.
And i kind of like it... Hoping to put it in you
tube. First i need to master it and do the
recording. I am sure proud of myself. Ha ha..

Had tea with milk that i bought yesterday..
Its not that good as the one i make in
staff lounge. Think i need to buy powdered
milk. Lunch i had indo mee georang. 2 packet.
And after i had tea and 2 bread with it.
Think i need some thing to chew again later.
May be bread with water. Lets see when the
time comes...

Yesterday munna and i went to buy fresh
fish near our hotel. I left at 4pm bus and
reached hotel at 4.30pm. We took withdraw
money from atm and went to Deli and bought
chicken pie and spring roll. We than walked
the path to the fish market.. The journey was
long and as we went by we came across this
villa. What was special about was that this
villa was doing vegetation agricultre. It was
like when i was in malaysia where i had done
my own farm. It was so greenary and lively.
And i even had the cheeks to pick a leaf
from a lime tree. One of my usual habit of
plucking and smelling it. The very fresh of
lime. Aaahh.. Felt great..
Along the way as we walked munna and i
had a great time talking about the time in
Nepal. The year 1999 where we went for
the holiday in Nepal. As we chatted the
journey was shotter. And we arrived the
place. But there was mosque instead and
crossed the road. When we were on the
other side of the road we saw the mall. It
was blocked by the mosque and that has
caused for us to cross the road. We went
in the mall and went to the fish section and
kept checking the fish until we decided
what we wanted to buy. It was Scad fish.
After we bought the fish, we were coming
out and bus 32 just happen to arrive. We
rushed to catch the bus. Along the way
i was thinking how pack sangrila pick
up point was going to be for us to catch
the bus. And munna told me why not we
catch the bus at Traders. That was a brillant
idea and we wont have to squeeze with the
rest of the people. The people were very
packed at sangrila but munna and i was in
the comfort of our seat. That night munna
 and i cooked the steam fish. The ingrident
we used was salt and pepper spread in the
fish. After which we put in the aluminium
foil and put the rest of the ingrident. Red
carrot, garlic, ginger, chilli, olive oil and
spring onion. The cooking time was 3o
minute. We had it with rice and kept for
Kopila and i bought back 4 fish. Gave one
to Rudra, one to Mika and one to Shearlou.
After that i darnk and i think i drank too
much and i had to cook egg cause the
side dishes was not enough.

Well nows like 1554hrs and before i had
a chat with this AC technician. Offered
them tea and bread. I also watched how
they disassemble the AC unit. Maybe
one of this days i will try on the kitchen
AC. Need to make my hands more skillful.

Chatted with ramila and too much we chatted
about her job and stuff. Finally talked to mom
and she told me not to fight with my future
wife. And i asked her how to when she would
be staying with them. She could not answer and
i told her of my life and my ear. Any way i have
told her i will get married and probably next
year.I feel so relef from this and i also finished
my last stick.

Munna called me and told me i have to go for
my national ID on 7th at 5.30pm. Finally my
turn has come to make my ID... Just informed
Htin my S.L about my national ID and i will be
working in the morning. And 5.30pm heading
to making the ID...

1604hrs and listening to my own song that
i recorded in the early afternoon. Making me
feel good and i will be doing live song soon.
See if there is any more room for
improvement or changes in the lyric.

2349hrs
4th Dec 2011

In my mind is 'why do you have to hurt me' i know i
have hurt you soo much. But thats was beacuse i
am deaf in one ear. All i wanted was for you to be
happy. But i am very wrong.. i am hurt so much that
i feel worthless. Why..

any way i still want to get married next year and start
a family and move on............

0047hrs
4th December 2011

Came back 30 minute earlier from work. Gave an
escuse of 'i am sick'. Actually i wanted to drink.
Cant believe my supplier just gave me a free
bottle. Dont know but i know i am loya to him.
I always pay him in time and maybe he wants me
to be his regular customer. But i know i will try
to drink less. Any way wanted to drink alone but
this guy Albert was awake and i offored him.
And here we are drinking.

Now i really want to get married. Gonna call
my parents in a few days and start planning when
i want to get married. I know its not going to be
perfect but i want to settle down and have kids.
I need to move on on life cause its waste of
time if i just idle around. I know its not going to
be easy but i will try my best. Really want to
get married. Dont know who will this special
angel will be. But i really want to find out and
move on in life.

Now is 0117hrs and my second pack started
already.. I had promised i will not drink too much
cause i have to be prepared for the future...


0156hrs.. still drinking...
bye for now

1322hrs
3122011

As you can see that the time is moving too fast
as i have to catch the but at 1400hrs. And i
dont have much time. BUt i am all prepared.
Just need to brush my teeth again before i
leave. Althought i had already burshed in the
morning, i need to brush again as i have been
smoking too much. Last night was horrible
so i was alking to the souk to buy cigarette.
As i was passing by Abra, i met an old couple
whom asked me if the boat will be coming.
I assured them it will come and tell them to
wait at the bench. When i met them all my
tension just disappeared just like that. I guess
this is called love and commitment. I just
asked myself how much have they faced
in life and they fought all that and here they
are together in their prime and still together.
Just this moment changed my mood and
it really felt wonderful. Any way i made my
way to buy my cigaret. I came back the
same way that i came and as i was nearing
the place i where i met the old couple.
I heard singing and clapping from the
distance. I rushed to see the commotion.
As i saw in the boat there were arabic
girls singing and clapping beautifully and
as the boat passed by me i saw the old
couple.. I happily waved at them and it
was really wonderful.

Just came back from my smoke and this
Maika was inside the other room. Well
she's coming here more often. She is
i guess Sherlo so called girl. I dont know
and i dont care. Waiting for the machine
to finish washing my cloth so that i can
dry them before i leave for work. Now
days i am updating my finance cause i
dont know where my money ends up.
Cause i have not saved till now and its
never late to start doing now. 

Shit cant believe i bought 2 packet cigaret
and the second pack left like 6 stick. Cant
believe i smoked too much yesterday.
Whats happening to me????

Time like 1344hrs and my cloth still not
ready to be dried.....Listening to 'Rabba
main toh mar gaya' good song. Another
love story of hindi movie which they are
very good at...

Feeling hungery and i still have like 30
more minute before i reach cafeteria and
have my lunch. I had breakfast from the
hotel meal plus a noodle and tea and still
now i feel my tummy empty. This is all
thanks to the cigaret reaction. NO other
answer cause this is the fact.

Just hanged my cloth casue finally my
cloth was ready and i dont have much
time left as i have to brush my teeth.
Got to get ready...

1222hrs
01/12/2011

1st day of December. The last month of the year
and whats better way for it to be than the 1st day.
There is exactly 30 more days before 2012. How
fast my life is moving. Had chat with mom dad
and Ramila. Now they are offline and here i am
surfing. Morning had a morning jog and went
to gym. Did not did much in the gym but bought
my morning breakfast and had it and also bread
that i bought yesterday. Any way feeling very
fresh and there is like one and half hour before
i catch my bus to work. Listening to singapore
fm.... Playing christmas songs...

Look at me, Listen close, before i go... is the
song thats just started.   

2258hrs
30th Nov 2011

Salary was here and the service charge was not
bad around 950++. Its good if the service charge
was always like this. Went out with my sis to the
city and remitted and the exchange was 22.68
which is good and after we had Burger King.
It was very tasty in the first few bit but after which
the taste just disappeared. It like not like when
i first tried many years back. After which we walked
to out bus terminal where the bus comes to fetch.
Along the way we came too early and decided to
catch a taxi. And this ride was horrible. Instead
of the usual 30drm charge this greedy driver
took a long way and i had ended up paying
double. So pissed up that i felt like punching
him. But instead i just gave him the money and
left. Any way learned my lesson and i tried to
cool down as i did not want to hurt my sis. So
i just changed the subject to make her happy.
Well tomorrows afternoon shift and i need to
go for jogging and gym. Need to have a healthy
lifestyle. Now drinking.. and the drinks only
like 2 pack. Hope i can sleep with this.

2223hrs
29th Nov 2011

Just came back from my sis place. Had dinner there.
We cooked chilli potato, tofu with egg and green
brocali whith peas, corn and tomatoes. The food
was fantastic and here i am too full and still have
not digested. So having a cup of medicine before
i go to sleep. Its the alternative solution for me to
get to sleep. Was suppose to be afternoon but my
colleague who is always sick called me last minute
to change the schedule. So have to sleep early for
the morning shift. Dont know what to say to this
person but any ways i am morning got to be
sleeping early.

May be another pack for better sleep. Least its not
like yesterday where i had too much that in the
morning i was still soo high. And the day just
went by in sober mood. Was suppose to exercise
but am too lazy. Need to work out or my tummy
will give way...

Just poured another cup and this will be my last.
Any way logging off now...

1841hrs
28th November 2011

Well its evening and my off was fucking wasted.
Did nothing but just wasted my day and here i am
just got a bottle and just had my first sip. I had
told myself no more but its useless. A whole day
was a hell but now i am going to be in heaven.
Surfing some japanese chicks and listening to
music. Makes it even better. How i wish i was not
here but instead in Malaysia... even if it meant that
i would have died there. What wasted time was that
i got this fucking good idea and i wasted it without
a fight. I would had earned my money but i wasted
it and fucking shit i went back. All that shit time
and thinking just went down the toilet bowl. Why
i dont know why i was so addicted to gambling.
Still now i dont know why. Is it cause it is
addictive or was it that i did not had a life. Which
is which i still dont know and i dont know what i 
am doing now. All my life from 17 till 31 what
the hell was i doing. Or was it cause i did not have
a life or was i looking on the wrong side of lane.
Even if it is i told myself i will walk on the right
side of the lane when i left home to here
but whats the fucking point
here i realise i was one sided deaf and this was
what had caused me to be soo stupid and isolated.
And the best part i am sick of myself and just
struggling to live cause my existence is important
for my love ones. |For how long i dont know but
sometimes i just feel thats it time to fuck off
from this place than to struggle. Maybe this is
the answer. Fuck career fuck friends fuck
everything... I just got to bring myself to be
happy and find the right place. May be i should
leave. Why stay when i am not happy and why
anyways my sibling are old enough. They can
take care of themselves. Hipppiiiooo i got the
answer... let me wait and see for another month.
I dont care if i become poor or a begger as long
i am happy thats it... One more month...

Its simple and i wasted my fucking time for
nothing...

Listening to Rick Astley songs. Reminds me of
the time when i was primary 6N. I was crazy in
love with Chai Hui Ping... Hnag on it not love,
its i had a crush on her. Haha.. Cant believe i
am having the same stupid crush till now...
But this time i really want to get married and
have a kid. I want to be a good father thats why
i cant just go crazy here. I want to be strong so
that i will give my best for my kids in the future.
I have to be smart and i can be. Dont want to
worry about this fucking ear.

Still surfing chicks cause i am a man and i aint
gay.. Hahha...

Gonna change my blog add to another add...

1433hrs
28th Nov 2011

Just had an hour of nap as i felt too bored. Today
is my off and its part of the day thats i like to
do. Woke up in the morning and got bread and
coffee from the shop and even the morning pack
from the housing office. For lunch just cooked
lunch and had pork that my room mate had
cooked yesterday. After which was surfing and
got my lunch from the housing and not forgetting
bought my cigarette. Here i am now blogging.

Its good to be controlling my smoke as i had
only 2 stick from 9am. Feeling good and feeling
too cold. Going to off the AC,..

Been checking my account but the money not
deposited yet and i guess i have to wait for it.

Tomorrow's my last morning shift and after
which i am afternoon. I guess i will miss
morning and i have to accept that.

Sometimes the little things that we have are the
best part of our life. Cause if we go too fast
than we have to be fast and thats why i am
satisfied by the little things. As i am slow.

Having green tea. ONe of the good health
drink.

I just clicked and this song ''Gives you Hell"
OHhhhhhhhh gives me memory of Malaysia.
Remember the time when i used to sing in the
place and wrote the lyric in my book and sang
along the song. Man i am activeeee caompared
to before. I cant believe i was that person and
all the things that i did. Oh that memory and
i am very happy now. Ha ha....

Well i guess life here is so boring and i guess
i have to say its better casue the danger i used
to live passed by without being in danger. I
guess i was extremely lucky to have passed it.
I have keep it aside and use that experience to
make me better in my life.

And i guess i have to change back to
sumanraistoryforyou cause thats the original
of me and the starting of my blog.

Any way thats it...

1856hrs
27/11/2011

I am feeling very tired and sick cause last light i woke
up around 2 am and today work was tough as i had
to work at the cooling tower. Not only way the work
tough the weather was against me. This has caused
my body to weaken i am feeling very weak. I will be
having an early night. Sleep is what i need to
re-energise my body system. Any way just checked
my account and the salery will likely come by 30.
Cause today is public holiday and if even if the
money is deposited it will at least take 2 to 3
working days. Any way i just need more rest.. Got
to sleep. Well thats it for now...Zzzzzzzzz

the time is like 255am a very early morning
of 26th November 2011. I woke up around an
hour ago cause i slept at 8pm after i came back
from work. I felt very exhausted from work and
decide to call an early sleep thats why i am
fresh from my beauty sleep. Althought i am
fresh but my back is not feeling comfortable.
Any way i had dinner at the cafeteria and that is
one of the reason why i could sleep. Any way
after i woke up i made myself a maggie noodle
and had a Pepsi drink cause i was looking for
coffee but there isnt any. My new blog address
seems cool but i guess i am still not used to it
for its new and maybe it will take time for me.

Now i am surfing some youtube and i just had
a smoke. The night is very silent and very
peaceful for me stay up and surf.

Well i guess thats it for today morning cause
i dont feel like writing and my brain not thinking
well so gonna call it for today....

2359hrs
25th November 2011

SUMANRAISTORYFORYOU was my blog
name for like 5 years and decided to change it to
 tryingtochangemylifesumanrai from this day as i
feel i need to change and i have changed. Well i
feel i am a new man and it gives me great joy in
life to start anew. I have come so far in life and
i want to start of new by changing everyday and
be grateful that i am alive and happy. I guess thats
it for me and will write more in the coming days
to come...GOOD NIGHT AND TO MY NEW
BLOG...  KEEP ON WRITING...

2115hrs
25th November 2011

I am lying on my bed and listening to Kiss the rain
by Billie Myers. And i am feeling very tired and
sleepy. Just had my shower cause i had went jogging
and had my dinner packet. Feel like i can sleep with
out cooking. Today was a busy day for me as the
work was quite busy. It went pretty well for i enjoyed
every moment of the day. Just switched on the AC and
i feel i dont have much to write cause i am feeling
very sleepy. |Guess i will wake up early cause when
i sleep early like before 10 i will usually wake up
around 12 or 1am. Lets see.. too tired..

0146am
25th November 2011

Hope you are reading this. Just wanted to share with
you my thoughts.

Good night. Need to sleep later morning shift.

1310 hrs
24th November 2011

Ah... there is like 50 more minutes before i
catch my bus to work. And i am still not doing
what wisdom is all about. See thats me just
killing time and when the situation arises
i am all red and lost. I guess this is what i
like about me. Cause i say one thing and not
putting any effort in the saying. How fucking
lame am i.

1313 hrs.. cool number and its the number
of the time on my right hand side of my note
book. My eye sometimes just crosses to check
the time and number it gives.

Going for a smoke, thought i will not buy for
today but my hand was itchy to spend the money
and the chain reaction is my health declining.
Good Suman.. Keep it up... MOney problem..
health problem.. Mood problem... Appetite
problem... and so on.
Well its 1324 hrs.. just came back from smoking
and before that i hung my laundry. Speaking of
laundry, life here is very easy. Just stuff the
cloth in the washing machine and press start.
Reminds me of Malaysia where i had to wash
my own cloth and i got used to it. I used to
wash all my cloth ftom bet sheet to my every
thing. And how fast i used to wash my jeans.
Think i took like 10 minutes or less. Its a
record for the fact for me. Ha ha.. And instead
of using washing soap i used LUX soap. Yes
the one which we used to take shower. The
one reason why i used LUX was if i use the
washing soap, the cloth stinked and i found
bathing soap was better. But i also learned
to use LUX efficently. The foam that was
left of the first cloth, i used it on the 2nd
cloth. By which i just apply less LUX soap
for the following cloth. Just cant imagine
here just throw it in the machine and just
press the START.

Again nice number 1331hrs... My eyes just
scanned the time and its a nice number... ha ha

I just went to FAcebook and checked my profile.
Man my status is married. Well better leave it
like that. Any way thinking what to wear for my
upper body. For the lower body i am going to
wear my new jeans. Need to seasoned it. The
more seasoned, the better. Any way her BD is
coming. Guess i will just greet her. If by
chance, oh forget it... Any way i will be 34 next
year and how my time is going so fast. And i
would have spent like 2,937,600 second of my
life by next year. Can you just imagine how
my time is ticking non stop since the day i
came into this beautiful world. By which the
ticking can also be refered to my heart. Always
beating no matter what situation i am in. Always
beating... Need to look after it cause once its
stop, everything stops for me. I will do my
very best to take care of myself. But the brain
is the problem. I will try to compromise this
2 important body parts of mine. OK you 2
did you hear what i am saying. Make my life
better and i will make better choices in life.

Time 1341hrs... Need a smoke and wear my
shoes and see if i am looking good in the mirror.

Reapplied my hair with wax and smoke and
wore my blue checked shirt that i bought in
malaysia. Its small but i need to wear it before
 it becomes old. The times is 1357 and i will
be logging off need to catch the bus to work.
Chow..